We took a trip to the local farm stand yesterday and the girls were in absolute heaven because I bought them fresh honey sticks.  Gigi got grape.  Lulu got strawberry.  And after sucking most of the honey out of the straws, slobbering and smacking their way through, they wanted to trade.

Uh, no.

Because there are some things that just don’t seem right to share. (And I’m not talking about my chocolate stash—that’s just a hoarding situation, not a hygiene issue.)

Nope, you can’t share:

Melty ice cream sundaes.  Ew.

Bowls of cereal with milk.  Slurp.

Lollipops.  The phrase “Okay, it’s your lick” should not be in anyone’s vocabulary.

And more relevant to today, and to Sunday’s Super Bowl festivities, you can’t share nachos.

Or at least you shouldn’t have to.

Black Bean and Roasted Corn Nacho Bites with Avocado Crema

Makes 32 bites

Print this recipe!

• 8 corn tortillas
• 1 c. cooked brown rice
• 1 c. roasted frozen corn (i.e. Trader Joe’s), defrosted
• 1 c. black beans, rinsed and drained

Pico de Gallo:

• 2 tomatoes, chopped
• 1/4 c. minced onion
• 1/4 c. chopped cilantro
• 1/2 a jalapeno, seeded and minced (optional)
• juice of 1 lime
• salt to taste

Avocado Crema:

• 1 avocado
• 1/3 c. of your favorite salsa
• 2 T. nutritional yeast
• 1 T. lemon juice
• 1/2 t. minced garlic
• 1/4 t. salt
• 1/2 t. chili powder
• 1/2 t. cumin

Substitution notes:  If desired, you can substitute:

*flour or rice tortillas for the corn

*quinoa, millet or any other cooked grain for the rice

*regular or canned corn for the roasted corn.  You can roast your own by putting it in a lightly greased skillet over medium high heat and sautéing until the corn starts to brown.  For some smoky flavor, add a few drops of liquid smoke.

*premade pico de gallo for the homemade

Preheat oven to 425 degrees.

You can make your own tortilla cups by cutting the rounded edges off your tortillas and then cutting the squares into 1/4ths.

Save the rounded edges for toasting and topping soups or salads.  Or eating with leftover Avocado Crema while your making nacho bites.  It’s up to you.

Take the tortilla “squares” and stuff them in a mini-muffin tin.  They won’t be perfect, but nothing is.

If you don’t have a mini-muffin tin, you can just make bigger nacho bites by cutting your tortillas larger and putting them in regular muffin tins.  Or, if your friends have really big mouths, you can use the jumbo tins.

Bake the tortilla cups for 9-12 minutes.  You’ll want them to be slightly browned and crisp to the touch.

Prepare the pico de gallo by combining chopped tomatoes, onion, cilantro, jalapeno, if using, lime juice and  salt in a medium bowl.

For the avocado crema, in a small food processor or blender, combine avocado, salsa, nutritional yeast, lemon juice, garlic, salt, chili powder and cumin and blend until smooth.

The order in which you layer the nacho bites is really important if you are making these ahead of time.

Put the rice in the bottom of the tortilla cup first.  This will soak up any of the juices that drip down from the top layers and will prevent your cup from getting soggy.

Follow with your corn and beans.  These are yet another barrier.

Next, add the pico de gallo.

Finally, top with the avocado crema.  I put the crema in a plastic bag and pipe a bit on top of each bite, but feel free to dollop it on if your friends aren’t fancy.

If your friends aren’t fancy and have big mouths, they’re probably me.  I’ll be there at kickoff.

The tortilla cups are totally sog-free, the corn is smoky and sweet, the beans add heartiness, pico gives ‘em a kick and you’re left with a creamy, zesty avocado finish.

Yum.

The end result is totally shareable.

But the beauty is, everyone gets their own.

Unless, of course, I hoard them.

There are some things that just don’t seem right to share.

I had to make a mad dash to the store last night for pineapple rings for our very last photo shoot for the new book: Pineapple Upside Down Muffins.  Only I forgot pineapple on my massive grocery run.  And then again on my second massive grocery run.  And then again on my mini-grocery run.

I am brilliant sometimes.

As I walked the aisles of the store, blurry-eyed, cranky and on a mission for perfectly round rings to top my muffins, an older man approached me and asked me if I knew the difference between Buffalo Wings and chicken wings.  (Buffalo wings are chicken wings.)

Then he followed me to the next aisle and asked what kind of hot sauce is on Buffalo Wings.  (Frank’s.)

Then he followed me to the next aisle and asked me what kind of dressing is served with Buffalo Wings.  (Blue cheese.)

Had I been more patient, had I been less tired, had I not been afraid that somebody else was going to make a pineapple upside-down “something” and rob the last can from the shelf, I might have suggested that the man nix the Buffalo Wings and make something else.

Or a lot of something elses.

So here you go, Buffalo Wings man, in case you want an alternative.  Or 25.

Snacks and appetizers:

Dill Pickle French Fries

Ranch Oyster Crackers

Spicy Black Bean Dip

Almost Chipotle Guacamole

Ain’t No Butter Chex Mix

Soft Pretzels w/ Nacho Mmmm Sauce

Curry Kale Chips

7 Layer Dip

Main Courses:

Slow Cooker Seitan Carnitas

Philly Cheese Steaks on Pretzel Subs

Spicy Tofu Soft Tacos

BBQ Black Bean Pita Pizzas

Tempeh Tamale Pie

Yukon Gold White Bean Basil Burgers

Black-eyed Pea Salad

Tater Tot Casserole

Tofu and Mushroom Lettuce Cups

Sloppy Josephines

Sweets and Treats:

Chocolate Chip Cookie Pie

Coconut Curry Caramel Corn

Almond Joy Cookie Bars

Gluten-free Chocolate Chip Peanut Butter Cookie Dough Balls

Cookie Dough Dip

Double Chocolate Single Chin Brownies

Peanut Butter Blondies with Chocolate Ganache

I can hardly wait for kickoff.

I told you I am brilliant sometimes.

How are those New Years’ resolutions holding up?

I didn’t make any because, as I like to say, I am on a constant journey of self-improvement.  My husband wishes I would hurry up and get there already.

One of the ways I’m trying to improve is by learning balance.  And not to feel guilty about it.  That’s the hard part.

Would you want to punch me in the face if I said that before we went on vacation I found myself googling “How to not feel guilty about going on vacation”?  (I fully intend to take your answer into consideration before I acknowledge whether or not that actually happened.)

One of the things I guiltlessly did on vacation was ready lots of trashy magazines.  Then I tried to start a book, but quit and went and bought more trashy magazines.

I love you, friends, but for those who suggested The Hunger Games, what about a young girl getting exiled and forced to hunt other children to the death says, “Fun beach read!” to you?

Of course, reading trashy magazines somehow turned into recipe developing.  Who knew magazines had recipes behind the gossip and the only crossword puzzles I’ll ever actually complete?  Recipes like paella.

So I took out the seafood.  And replaced it with some vegetables.  Then I took out the rice.  And replaced it with some more vegetables.  All garnished with a healthy dose of vegetables.

This paella has ten vegetables in it.  TEN!

Five-a-day?  I maniacally laugh at five-a-day.

Ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha.

Muhahaha ha ha ha!

Does that sound balanced to you?

Shoot.

Cauliflower Rice Paella

Makes 4 large servings

Print this recipe!

• 1 head of cauliflower
• 1 medium onion, minced
• 1 red pepper, seeded and chopped
• 1 1/2 c. celery, chopped
• 1 1/2 t. minced garlic
• 1/2 t. smoked paprika
• pinch of saffron
• pinch of cayenne
• 1 T. apple cider vinegar
• 1/2 c. vegetable stock
• 1/2 t. salt
• 1 c. frozen peas
• 1 c. cherry tomatoes, split
• 1 14 oz. can quartered artichoke hearts in water, drained
• 1/2 c. green onions, minced
• 15-20 Spanish olives
• fresh parsley and lime wedges for garnish

To make cauliflower rice, remove cauliflower from stem and cut into florets.  Put the florets into your high speed blender or your food processor and pulse until you reach a rice consistency.

Meanwhile, coat a large, deep skillet with cooking spray or a spritz of oil and sauté onion, celery and peppers for a few minutes, until just starting to soften.

Add “rice” and continue to sauté for another 4-5 minutes.

Add garlic, smoked paprika, saffron, vinegar, vegetable stock, salt, peas, tomatoes and artichoke hearts and heat through, simmering for about 5-6 minutes.  Adjust seasoning to taste.  Add green onions and olives.

Garnish with parsley and lime.

There are lots of ways to make this dish your own, depending on what you are into.

Add tofu.  Add soy chorizo.  Add sriracha.  Add quinoa.  Add chickpeas or black beans or edamame.

Or add nothing.

But a fork, of course.

And something special for dessert.

Some fresh fruit and several chapters in The Hunger Games?

More like chocolate chips straight from the bag (or gigantic jar) and an episode of The Bachelor.

It’s all about balance, friends.

Lulu might be taking her self-imposed lessons in empathy a little too far.

Yesterday she sat in her baby doll stroller and rolled herself around the house, claiming to be in a wheelchair.  I was going to put a kibosh on her game as being insensitive, but it came to a crashing end all on its own.  Let’s just say our stairway is not up to ADA standards.

Today she’s pretending that a pair of blue Minnie Mouse sunglasses are actual eyeglasses and that she “can’t see a thing without them.”  She’s walking around squinting, taking off her frames and rubbing her eyes like they are so fatigued from trying to see.  She’s gone as far as giving herself pretend eye exams:  “Do you like 1 or 2?”  How about now?  1…or 2?”

The most alarming part of this whole game was when she removed the glasses, looked me up and down, in my jeans, T-shirt and unkempt hair and said, “Mom, I love you no matter what you look like.”

She says the sweetest things.  I liked it better when she couldn’t see.

Especially at snack time.

Goldfish Crackers

*gluten and dairy-free

Makes approximately 4 1/2 c. of crackers

Print this recipe!

• 1 c. all-purpose gluten-free flour (i.e. Bob’s Red Mill)
• 1 c. garbanzo bean flour
• 3/4 t. xanthan gum
• 1 t. salt
• 1/4 t. dry mustard
• 1 c. non-dairy cheddar cheese (i.e. Daiya)
• 1/2 c. vegan margarine (i.e. Earth Balance)
• 5 T. cold water

Note: if you’d like to make a non-gluten free version, use 1 c. whole wheat pastry flour and 1 c. unbleached all-purpose flour and omit xanthan gum.

In the pitcher of a high speed blender or the bowl of a food processor, combine flours, xanthan gum, salt and mustard.

Pulse to combine.  Add cheese and pulse again until fully incorporated.

Add margarine in small chunks and pulse, cutting it into the cheese flour.

Transfer the mixture to a large bowl.

Add water, one tablespoon at a time, stirring until a dough forms.

Transfer dough to a large piece of plastic wrap, form into a circle, wrap up and refrigerate for at least an hour.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Using a floured pin and board (gluten free all purpose flour is fine for these purposes too), roll dough out to about 1/4 –1/2 inch thick.

Cut crackers out using cookie cutters and carefully transfer to a baking sheet lined with parchment paper or a Silpat.

If you want to save time, or have children who are pretending to be visually impaired, you can simply cut the dough into squares and make an imprint with the end of a spoon or fork.

Instant Cheez-Its.

Bake for 10-14 minutes, until crackers are crisp and golden.  Allow to cool before transferring to an airtight container.

They taste like goldfish.  Salty, crunchy and deliciously cheesy.

They look like goldfish.  Especially through a pair of cheap, child’s sunglasses.

You can make whatever shape you like, depending on your audience.  I tried puppies, of course, but the pesky tail kept coming off.

Hence the squares.  Cheez-Its don’t have tails.

The point is, these are tasty.  They’re worth every extra bit of effort for your kiddos, even if you don’t have goldfish cookie cutters.

After all, as a wise blind woman once said, you’ll love them no matter what they look like.

Amen.

There are lots of things I don’t get.

Of course, that’s just a nice way of saying, here are some things I am going to complain about before I give you a recipe.

We could be here awhile.

But we won’t be, because incessant complaining is one thing I don’t get.  It’s a cruel joke of fate that I could teach a master class on it, though.  Such a wasted gift.

#1 Thing I Don’t Get: Sweaters for Dogs

Or rain slickers.  Or any sort of outerwear.  Obviously the point of Halloween costumes shaped like hot dogs, fire hydrants or bumblebees is utter humiliation.  But what is the point of putting a coat on your dog?  They have a thick barrier of fur covering them to keep them warm, and get this: it’s called a coat.

#2 Thing I Don’t Get: Fantasy Sports Teams

Now correct me if I’m wrong, but unless we are in ancient Rome and if you lose the athletic contest in which you are engaged you will have your every limb ripped from your body, isn’t every sport a fantasy?

By having fantasy teams in each sport in existence, Pea Daddy is challenging my patience.  It is so very hard for me to pretend I care about the outcome of the actual teams playing, but now I have to muster up some enthusiasm for a completely made-up combination of players on a team that does not even exist?  I’ll tell you what I’d get excited about.  Using that $50 fantasy team entry fee towards one of those jeans, tank, cardigan, boots, belt, earrings and scarf outfit combos that I’m constantly repinning on Pinterest but won’t ever actually go out and even buy the belt for.  Now that’s a fantasy.

#3  Thing I Don’t Get:  Food Marketed Specifically to Kids

Or should I say people who buy food marketed specifically to kids?  Why on earth would I pay nearly the same amount for a kid-sized granola bar as I would for the adult version simply because you drizzle a little chocolate on it, stick it in a package with a kid-friendly graphic and then spell kids with a “z.”  The answer is, I won’t.

See, I told you I was good at this incessant complaining thing.

Luckily I don’t just complain about problems.  I solve them.

Chocolate Chip Zee Bars

Makes 10 bars

Print this recipe!

• 1/2 c. old-fashioned oats
• 1/2 c. oat flour (aka old-fashioned oats ground into a flour)
• 1/2 c. vanilla protein powder OR an additional 1/2 c. of oat flour
• 1/2 t. salt
• 1 T. baking powder
• 1/2 c. + 2 T. unsweetened applesauce
• 1/2 c. + 2 T. non-dairy milk
• 1 t. vanilla
• 1/4 t. cinnamon
• stevia to taste*
• 1/4 c. + 3 T. chocolate chips, divided
• 1 t. coconut oil

*if you prefer not to use stevia you can substitute brown sugar to taste, I would start with 1/4 c. and work up from there, if necessary

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Lightly grease or spray an 8×8 pan with cooking spray and set aside.

In a large bowl, combine oats, oat flour, protein powder, salt, baking powder and cinnamon.

In a smaller bowl, combine applesauce, vanilla and milk.

Add applesauce mixture to oat mixture and stir until just combined.  Add stevia to taste.  Fold in 1/4 c. of chocolate chips.

Pour mixture into baking pan and bake for 20-25 minutes, until bar is set and pulling away from edge of pan.

Allow to cool completely before cutting into kid-sized bars.

For chocolate drizzle, place 3 T. of chocolate chips in a resealable plastic bag and microwave in 30 second increments, kneading bag until chocolate has melted.

Add coconut oil to melted chocolate and knead again.

Snip a tiny corner of the bag with a pair of scissors.  Pipe chocolate across cooled bars and stick bars in fridge or freezer to allow chocolate to set, if desired.

Store remaining bars in the fridge.

I don’t get why homemade bars taste so much better than store-bought.

Unless you are Gigi, who said these were too “marshmallowy.”  Note that there are no marshmallows in the recipe.  Also note that “marshmallowy” is complaint.

What kid doesn’t like marshmallows?  You might as well put a Labrador in a Seahawks parka and name him your starting quarterback for all the sense that makes.

These bars are a million times cheaper and better for you too.

You know who loves ‘em?  My 35 year-old husband.

Silly Pea Daddy, Zee Bars or for kids.  Er, kidz.

That’ll be $50, please.

I’m trying really hard not to be cliché.

Then again, maybe I’m just lazy.  My hair for the day would confirm that.  I’m going through an awkward stage which I’m attempting to mitigate with the tiniest ponytail you’ve ever seen and a headband. I look like I either just got my wig snatched on Jerry Springer or like I’m about to film a Proactiv commercial and am poised to go in for the big sink splash.  The UPS guy came to do the door, went “GAHHH!,” grabbed the door handle and pulled the door shut.

All of this is to say I have no end of the year recipe wrap-up planned.

I’m lazy and in general, I like to look forward instead of backward.  Forward to when I’m going to have a healthy head of long, wavy hair.  I’ll show you, UPS guy.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t want this year to go out with a bang.  Or a bang-up recipe.

I’m trying really hard not to be cliché.

This recipe is not exactly like Starbucks’ Cranberry Bliss Bars.  And I’m not going to say, “That’s because it’s better.”  So cliché.

But it’s also not exactly like the Cranberry Bliss Bars because it wasn’t made a few weeks ago and frozen.  It’s not crusty around the edges.  In fact, I don’t even think you can call it a bar.

Let’s not talk anymore about what it’s not.  Let’s look forward and talk about what it is.

White Chocolate Cranberry-Kissed Cake

Makes 8-10 slices

Print this recipe!

• 3/4 c. whole wheat pastry flour
• 1/2 c. organic unbleached flour
• 1 t. baking powder
• 1/2 t. baking soda
• 1/2 t. salt
• 1 t. ginger
• 1/2 c. vegan margarine (i.e. Earth Balance) or coconut oil
• 1/2 c. brown sugar
• 1/4 c. organic sugar
• 1/2 c. applesauce
• 1/2 c. non-dairy or organic milk
• 1 t. vanilla
• 2 t. orange zest
• 1/2 c. dried cranberries, chopped
• 1/2 c. white chocolate chips*

Frosting:

• 1/2 c. non-dairy or organic cream cheese
• 2 T. vegan margarine (i.e. Earth Balance) or coconut oil
• pinch of salt
• 1/2 t. orange extract
• 1 ½ c. powdered sugar
• 1/4 c. white chocolate chips, melted*
• 1-2 t. coconut oil
• 1/4 c. dried cranberries, chopped

*If you’d like to make these bars 100% vegan, you have to find the somewhat hard to come by non-dairy white chocolate chips.  You can buy some here.  Otherwise, you can substitute dairy-free chocolate chips for a slightly different version.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

In a large bowl, combine flours, baking powder, baking soda, salt and ginger.

In the bowl of a stand mixer or using a hand mixer and a medium bowl, cream together margarine or coconut oil, sugars, applesauce and non-dairy milk. vanilla and orange zest.

Add flour mixture to wet ingredients, a little at a time, beating until incorporated.

Fold in dried cranberries and white chocolate chips.

Spray an 8×8 pan with cooking spray or lightly grease it with oil.  Spread batter evenly in the baking pan.

Bake for 22-25 minutes, until golden brown and a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean.

Allow to cool completely.

For the frosting, beat together cream cheese, margarine or oil, salt, orange extract and powdered sugar.

Frost bars evenly.

Sprinkle with remaining dried cranberries.

And drizzle with melted white chocolate.  Note: you can stir in 1-2 t. of coconut oil to make the chocolate more “pourable.”

We’re not going for perfection here.

Perfection is so cliché.

If you want the cake to be a bit denser and the frosting to firm up, refrigerate for an hour or two before slicing and serving.

That’s a little too far in the future for my liking, though.

Because this is presently such a delicious cake.

Melt-in-your-mouth, chewy, crunchy bliss.  In a cranberry-kissed cake.

In other words, “Bang.”

Happy New Year, friends.

See you in 2012 with more Peas and God-willing, more hair.

Just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should.

I find myself saying this a lot.

“Look Mom, I can stick this whole Christmas ornament in my mouth!”

It wasn’t a candy cane.  And the ornament hook is still missing.  That’s gonna leave a mark on the way out.

“Look Honey, I can get free shipping on a Tommy Bahama dress for you for Hawaii!”

Perfect.  I’ll look lovely in it while I crochet doilies on the plane and enjoy my snack of prunes washed down with Ensure.

“Look Mom, these crackers are the only thing I’m going to eat forever!”

Or the only thing you’re going to eat for dinner.  And believe you me, Gigi tried to make good on that promise.  I had a bowl of tofu noodle soup that convinced her otherwise.

You could make homemade crackers to put in a Christmas tin and give to someone.  And if you have that kind of time and ambition, more power to you.

That sounds hard to me.  Too hard.

You could also buy a package of oyster crackers and a packet of ranch dressing mix, with all the funky, unpronounceable things that go into it, and bake it up to put in a Christmas tin and give to someone.

That sounds easy.  A little too easy.

How about we do something in between?

Ranch Oyster Crackers

Makes approximately 3 cups

Print this recipe!

• 2 t. garlic powder
• 2 t. onion powder
• 1/2 t. dry mustard
• 1/2 t. dried dill
• 2 t. dried parsley
• 1 t. salt
• 3 T. oil (olive oil, canola, grapeseed, etc.)
• One 8 oz. package oyster crackers*

*You can substitute any cracker you like, if you prefer a whole grain cracker.  Oyster crackers are just quite cute.  But even a gluten-free cracker, like Mary’s Gone Crackers, works well.

Preheat oven to 250 degrees.

In a large bowl, combine garlic powder, onion powder, mustard, dill, parsley and salt.

Add oil and stir to combine.

Pour in oyster crackers and toss to evenly coat.

Transfer crackers to a baking sheet.

Bake for 20 minutes, stirring once halfway through.

Store in an airtight container until serving.

Or giving.

These are super flavorful and super craveable.  You know how the chips at the bottom of the bag all have the most flavor so you pour the bag directly in your mouth to get all that ranchy goodness?

Yeah, me neither.

These would be great to sit out on an appetizer table, but also to package up and give with a dried soup mix.

You can do this.

And unlike eating ornaments or buying old lady sundresses, I definitely think you should.

Whether these are all you eat are going to eat forever?  That’s something you’re going to have to decide for yourself.

Unless your name is Gigi.  In that case, eat your soup.

*************

Other Gifts You Can Eat:

Eggnog Spiced Nuts

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Cups

*************

The winner of the Neal’s Yard Remedies/book giveaway is Heather!

Please email me your mailing address to peasandthankyou@hotmail.com along with your choice of product and we’ll get them to you in time for Christmas!

I haven’t been fully working this Santa thing to my advantage.

We haven’t gone and seen him yet this year, and I’d be surprised if we do.  I’d also be surprised if I make gingerbread men for our tree or mail out our Christmas cards.  The Christmas card thing would be especially surprising since I never ordered any.  So, friends and family, consider this your Christmas card/newsletter nearly every day of the year.

Merry Christmas!

But back to the jolly old guy.  This weekend, one of my girls was pitching a fit about having to bathe and wash her hair.  I know, unimaginable.  Never mind the fact that I’ve been successfully avoiding shampoo myself since Friday.

Suddenly, it dawned on me—Santa!  Turns out, all you have to do for the next two weeks to get almost immediate obedience from children is say, “You know who is watching, right?”  Girlfriend was squeaky clean in the blink of an eye.

So out of gratitude, I’m making Santa cookies early.  Call it a test run for the big night.  Or call it that I got mad at Pea Daddy for leaving the Barbie Dream House in the front entryway all weekend and wanted to make it up to him.

He’s so easy.

And so are these cookies.

No Bake Snowball Cookies

Makes 24-30 cookies

Print this recipe!

• 1 c. organic sugar
• 2 T. vegan margarine (i.e. Earth Balance) or coconut oil
• 3/4 c. non-dairy or organic milk
• 1/3 c. unsweetened cocoa powder
• 1/2 t. salt
• 2 t. vanilla extract
• 1/2 c. natural peanut butter
• 3 c. quick-cooking or old-fashioned oats*
• 1/4-1/2 c. organic powdered sugar

*most recipes traditionally call for quick-cooking oats, but I don’t mind the texture of the old-fashioned.  Use whichever you prefer.

In a medium saucepan, combine sugar, margarine or oil, milk and cocoa powder.

Bring mixture to a boil over medium heat.

Once the mixture has come to a boil, lower the heat and simmer for 3 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Remove from heat and add salt, vanilla and peanut butter.

Place oats in a large mixing bowl and pour chocolate mixture over the top.

Stir until fully incorporated.

Place dough in the refrigerator for an hour.  This should give you plenty of time to wash your hair and/or put the Barbie Dream House away.

When the dough has chilled, place the powdered sugar in a bowl, grab your dough, a cookie scoop or measuring spoon and a plate.

And if you are extra tired like me, a chair.

Using your scoop, portion out a bit of dough and roll it into a ball.

Drop the ball carefully in the powdered sugar and roll it around until the cookie is lightly dusted all over.

Repeat until you’ve used all the dough.

The cookies will be ready to eat or return to the refrigerator for a firmer cookie and/or storage.

I’d never made traditional No Bakes before, but plenty of you have asked me to make a healthier version.

Now I know why.  Wowsa.

Rest assured, these have nearly half the sugar of the traditional version and just a fraction of the fat.  Plus if you use certified oats, they can be gluten-free.

In other words, Merry Christmas!

Just save some for the big guy.  Whoever that might be.

It’s about to get cheeky in here.

I’ve been working hard to get in bikini shape before we go to Hawaii right after the New Year.

Really hard.

So hard in fact that I let a friend talk me out of buying my usual safe, skirted swimsuit bottoms and into something just a tad less modest.

I thought skirted bottoms were retro.  Turns out they might just be a bit more coverage than what I need.  But what a deal!  Twice the fabric for the same price.

Despite his love of a bargain, Pea Daddy has been highly supportive of less material.

That is until my “new” swimsuit bottoms arrived last night.

It took me about two seconds to realize that there’d been a mistake, as I opened the envelope and pulled out what can only be described as string.  And not even a lot of string.  I barely could tie a bow.

This is not an issue of self-esteem or of body acceptance.  This is an issue of not getting arrested on a public beach.  Or worse yet, putting on the thing and not being able to find it again.  Ever.

Pea Daddy’s eyes danced, trying to figure out the right thing to say.  Something between, “Oh, hell no!” and “I love you.  Please don’t hurt me.”

I sighed loudly, and shoved the string back in the envelope where it could do no visual, emotional, bodily or legal harm.

“Ugh. This is so frustrating!” I admitted.  Pea Daddy finally exhaled.  That was a close one.

Lulu stuck her hand on her hip and wagged her finger at me.  “You get what you get and you don’t get upset!”

Now she chooses to listen to me.

No, Lu, what I get is a refund.  And a cookie.

Kind of.

Sugar Cookie Smoothie

Makes 1 large smoothie

Print this recipe!

• 2 Celestial Seasonings Sugar Cookie Sleigh Ride Tea Bags*
• 1 1/2 c. unsweetened vanilla almond milk, divided
• 1 scoop vanilla protein powder**
• 2 T. old fashioned oats
• 7-9 ice cubes
• 1/2 t. vanilla extract***
• 1/2 t. xanthan gum (optional, for thickening)
• pinch of salt
• stevia to taste

*I buy this tea at Fred Meyer/Kroger and Whole Foods.  If you can’t find it, feel free to substitute vanilla chai tea, eggnog tea or even peppermint tea.

**For info on the protein powder I use, see this post.

**To make an eggnog version of this shake, use 1/2 t. rum extract and add 1/2 t. freshly grated nutmeg.

Heat 1 cup of almond milk until nearly boiling and add 2 tea bags.  Allow tea to steep for as long as desired.  I like to simply stick the tea in the fridge overnight.

When tea is fully steeped (or the next morning), remove tea bags and add tea, additional almond milk, protein powder, oats, ice, vanilla, xanthan gum (if using), salt and stevia in a blender.

Blend until smooth, thick and creamy.

Pour in a tall glass and serve.

So it’s not a sugar cookie.  But high holy heck, this is good.

You know those extra thick vanilla milkshakes you used to get and dip your French fries into?

Um, yeah.  That good.

Only there’s no “shake” around here.

And no pesky cookie crumbs to get stuck in your teeth.

But if that does become an issue, I’ve got some floss I’d be happy to send your way.

Depending on how tiny your mouth is.

***********

Other Everyday Eats:

Protein Trail Mix Cookies

Last week, I was driving down the road with the girls, doing some last-minute grocery shopping and listening to Christmas music when a commercial came on.  Lulu had just pointed out that she “hates” Christmas music.  She’s getting coal in her stocking.  Which makes shopping a cinch.

The commercial was for Hellman’s Mayonnaise and the voiceover was by Mark Consuelos.  I like to say Spanish words and names in a full Spanish accent, mostly because the only people who don’t sound like complete jack asses when they do so are native Spanish speakers.  And I kind of get a kick out of sounding like a complete jack ass.  Plus, Pea Daddy loves it.

You know who Mark Con-sooouelos is, right?  He’s married to Kelly Ripa, who somehow inherited her own talk show by just waiting for her predecessor to get really old.  Jackpot.

I keep hoping Gelman will call me and offer me the co-hosting job, but then I remember that he doesn’t have a clue who I am and then there’s that “I kind of get a kick out of sounding like a complete jack ass” thing.  Also complicating matters is the fact that that if I stood next to Kelly Ripa, I would look like I was going to eat her.  Kind of like Senior Prom.  (I had eight inches on my date and at least 30 pounds.  He was delicious.)

But back to Mark Con-soooo-hhhaylos.  He came on the radio after Whitney’s “Do You Hear What I Hear?” to suggest how to get rid of all my Thanksgiving leftovers.  Are you ready for his Earth shattering recipe?

Here it is:

Mix a cup of Hellman’s Mayonaise into a big bowl filled with all of your Thanksgiving leftovers and bake it in the oven.  All of it.  Turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, sweet potatoes, cranberries and mayo.  Baked.

No thank you, Mr. Con-sooo-hhhay-llllllos.  I have my own ideas.

Shepherd’s Pie

Makes 4-6 servings

Print this recipe!

• 1/2 c. onion, chopped
• 2 ribs celery, sliced
• 1 c. chopped carrots
• 2 T. flour of your choice (whole wheat pastry, oat, etc.)
• 1 c. vegetable broth
• 1 c. leftover gravy
• salt and pepper to taste
• 1/2 teaspoon poultry seasoning
• 1 c. frozen peas
• 2 c. diced leftover cooked Tofurky*
• 1-1 1/2 c. leftover Roasted Garlic Smashed Potatoes
• 1/2 c. non-dairy (i.e. Daiya) or organic cheddar cheese

*substitution ideas:

• One 14 oz. can of chickpeas, drained and rinsed
• 2 c. prebaked tofu, cubed
• 2 c. broccoli florets, lightly blanched
• 2 c. crumbled tempeh, cooked up in the pan with your veggies
• 2 c. leftover cooked grains, i.e. wild rice, quinoa, millet, etc.

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Place a large skillet over medium high heat after lightly spritzing it with cooking spray or oil.  Add onion, carrot and celery and sauté for 4-5 minutes, until veggies are tender.

Sprinkle in flour and poultry seasoning and stir until vegetables are evenly coated.

Pour in vegetable stock and heat until thickened, stirring constantly.

Add leftover gravy, peas, and chopped Tofurky (or substitute) and heat through.

Pour filling into a casserole dish that has been lightly sprayed with cooking spray or oil.

Top with mashed potatoes.

And sprinkle with cheese.

Bake for 25-30 minutes, until bubbly and cheese is melted.

Now this is comfort food.

The Tofurky is fine, the veggies are crisp, the potatoes are creamy, the cheese is gooey, but you know what makes this?

The gravy.

Totally the gravy.

I’d go as far as saying it’s worth keeping a jar in your fridge at all times just for this purpose.

You can keep your Hellman’s, Mr. Con-sooo-hghk-llllos!  I’ve got my leftover solution covered.

P.S.  Gelman, call me.