From the moment I found out I was pregnant with Gigi to this very instant right now (and now….and now…), I’ve experienced overwhelming love for my children.

Coupled with overwhelming guilt.

Mommy guilt.

This guilt stems from:

Riding every ride in Disneyland including the Tower of Terror 13 times before I officially knew I was with child.  Poor fetus Gigi.

Forgetting to put a note in Gigi’s lunchbox this morning.

Getting, no, begging for, an epidural.  And then pushing that self-administering button like Lucy at a chocolate factory.

Throwing away the gumdrop and toothpick “igloo” that Lulu made at preschool today.

Asking the nurse to take Gigi to the birthing center nursery for a few hours that night she was born so we could sleep.  And then when the nurse brought her back asking, “So soon?”

Turning on Disney Junior and shutting the bathroom door so I could pluck/shave/use a baby wipe to “shower” without an audience.  That was this morning.

Using a paper towel that I licked to wipe my children’s faces because we ran out of baby wipes from all my “showers.”  Also this morning.

Making Mimi and Poppy take the girls to The Chipmunks movie, The Squeakuel and every subsequent movie with Alvin, Simon and Theodore in it.  Please, I’m begging you, Mimi and Poppy.  Chipwrecked comes out in ten days.

Eating all the good Halloween candy and then burying the wrappers in the trash.

Being on a business trip when Lulu got the stomach flu (aka when Pea Daddy let her have donuts, cupcakes and pizza in a two-hour span).

Hiding the makeup kit that Aunt Shari gave them for Christmas last year in the garage, only to bust into it for some Tinkerbell blush when I left my makeup kit in a hotel room.

Working so hard on our next book and then making my kids eat blueberry cream donuts, cheddar bacon scones, home fries and lemon chia pancakes for dinner all week.

Okay, that guilt is a little misplaced.

But I do feel guilt for not being 100% fulfilled solely being a stay-at-home-mom.

Guilt for needing an outlet.

Guilt for absolutely loving my job.

And though I tell myself things like “a happy mom raises happy kids” and “no one’s perfect, we just all do the best we can,” that guilt still creeps in.

I don’t know the cure.

Well, that certainly helps.

And now I must go write a note for a lunchbox.  I know just what I’ll say.

“Dear Gigi,

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Love, Mom

P.S.  Call Mimi and tell her Chipwrecked comes out in ten days.”

 

I know my timing is totally off on this pumpkin thing.

You’re all onto flavors like gingerbread (I’ve got a bar recipe pending), eggnog (I’ve got a gift recipe pending), and peppermint (I’ve got a homemade mocha pending…in my stomach).

But some recipeas and some opportunities are just too fun to pass up.

Personal girl crush of mine and amazing cookbook author, Julie Hasson, invited me up to her home to cook with her on the webcast her and her husband Jay produce called Everyday Dish TV.

I did a double take.  You want me to come to your house?  Mess up your adorable kitchen?  Try not to fall all over myself in awe as I make one of my favorite recipeas while you put this on film?

Um, okay.  How’s pumpkin sound?

True, it’s a bit out of season.  So are the flip flops I wore to take Gigi to school this morning.  It was a cold, cold walk, but everyone should try frostbite at least once.  Ghastly purple and black extremities take away from chipped pink polish on toes.  It’s proven.

Pedicures can wait.  Pumpkin spice bars can’t.

This version, like Julie, is vegan and gluten-free.  So hop on over to Everyday Dish TV for the recipea and the video.

You don’t even have to be wearing real shoes. I’m not.

Sorry about that.