We’re leaving today for Indianapolis and The Influence Conference.
I am anxious.
I realized last night, while talking to Gigi about the unfortunate fact she will likely again be a soldier in The Nutcracker again this year, that I’ve been using the word “anxious” all wrong.
She is anxious to find out her part, anxious that she will again have to wear black pants, don a beret and carry a wooden gun for the third year in a row if she wants to be in the show. She is nervous. She is fearful.
But that’s not how I’ve used the word anxious for most my life.
I’ve never said, “I’m anxious I’m forgetting my headphones for the plane,” or “I’m anxious that Lulu will run out of socks,” or “I’m anxious that fourteen granola bars won’t make it into my carry-on.” And it’s not because I have a three page list to make sure none of those things happen.
It’s because I’ve always used the word anxious to mean “excitedly anticipating.” And I am excitedly anticipating this weekend.
Like always, I’m bringing more pairs of shoes than I feel comfortable disclosing.
Unlike before, though, I’m leaving a lot behind. No business cards. No book promos. No agenda to build my brand, my readership or anything but my faith and my friendships. (If you are attending, please come say hello! I’ll spot you a granola bar.)
I’m not forgetting to pack my husband. So happily.
And my heart. So wholly. I’m excitedly anticipating the opportunity to share what has been growing in there.
To stand up and say what’s been put on me to say, but what I’ve been filtering out.
I am a bit nervous, but I am not afraid.
Because even though much has changed, I know I am headed in the right direction.
I am ready for what lies ahead.
As for what lies ahead? All I know is, I’m not anxious at all.
I hope to share more from Indianapolis with you soon.