Wannabe Recipea: Chocolate Chip Zee Bars
There are lots of things I don’t get.
Of course, that’s just a nice way of saying, here are some things I am going to complain about before I give you a recipe.
We could be here awhile.
But we won’t be, because incessant complaining is one thing I don’t get. It’s a cruel joke of fate that I could teach a master class on it, though. Such a wasted gift.
#1 Thing I Don’t Get: Sweaters for Dogs
Or rain slickers. Or any sort of outerwear. Obviously the point of Halloween costumes shaped like hot dogs, fire hydrants or bumblebees is utter humiliation. But what is the point of putting a coat on your dog? They have a thick barrier of fur covering them to keep them warm, and get this: it’s called a coat.
#2 Thing I Don’t Get: Fantasy Sports Teams
Now correct me if I’m wrong, but unless we are in ancient Rome and if you lose the athletic contest in which you are engaged you will have your every limb ripped from your body, isn’t every sport a fantasy?
By having fantasy teams in each sport in existence, Pea Daddy is challenging my patience. It is so very hard for me to pretend I care about the outcome of the actual teams playing, but now I have to muster up some enthusiasm for a completely made-up combination of players on a team that does not even exist? I’ll tell you what I’d get excited about. Using that $50 fantasy team entry fee towards one of those jeans, tank, cardigan, boots, belt, earrings and scarf outfit combos that I’m constantly repinning on Pinterest but won’t ever actually go out and even buy the belt for. Now that’s a fantasy.
#3 Thing I Don’t Get: Food Marketed Specifically to Kids
Or should I say people who buy food marketed specifically to kids? Why on earth would I pay nearly the same amount for a kid-sized granola bar as I would for the adult version simply because you drizzle a little chocolate on it, stick it in a package with a kid-friendly graphic and then spell kids with a “z.” The answer is, I won’t.
See, I told you I was good at this incessant complaining thing.
Luckily I don’t just complain about problems. I solve them.
Chocolate Chip Zee Bars
Makes 10 bars
- 1/2 c. old-fashioned oats
- 1/2 c. oat flour (aka old-fashioned oats ground into a flour)
- 1/2 c. vanilla protein powder OR an additional 1/2 c. of oat flour
- 1/2 t. salt
- 1 T. baking powder
- 1/2 c. + 2 T. unsweetened applesauce
- 1/2 c. + 2 T. non-dairy milk
- 1 t. vanilla
- 1/4 t. cinnamon
- stevia to taste*
- 1/4 c. + 3 T. chocolate chips, divided
- 1 t. coconut oil
*if you prefer not to use stevia you can substitute brown sugar to taste, I would start with 1/4 c. and work up from there, if necessary
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Lightly grease or spray an 8×8 pan with cooking spray and set aside.
In a large bowl, combine oats, oat flour, protein powder, salt, baking powder and cinnamon.
In a smaller bowl, combine applesauce, vanilla and milk.
Add applesauce mixture to oat mixture and stir until just combined. Add stevia to taste. Fold in 1/4 c. of chocolate chips.
Pour mixture into baking pan and bake for 20-25 minutes, until bar is set and pulling away from edge of pan.
Allow to cool completely before cutting into kid-sized bars.
For chocolate drizzle, place 3 T. of chocolate chips in a resealable plastic bag and microwave in 30 second increments, kneading bag until chocolate has melted.
Add coconut oil to melted chocolate and knead again.
Snip a tiny corner of the bag with a pair of scissors. Pipe chocolate across cooled bars and stick bars in fridge or freezer to allow chocolate to set, if desired.
Store remaining bars in the fridge.
I don’t get why homemade bars taste so much better than store-bought.
Unless you are Gigi, who said these were too “marshmallowy.” Note that there are no marshmallows in the recipe. Also note that “marshmallowy” is complaint.
What kid doesn’t like marshmallows? You might as well put a Labrador in a Seahawks parka and name him your starting quarterback for all the sense that makes.
These bars are a million times cheaper and better for you too.
You know who loves ‘em? My 35 year-old husband.
Silly Pea Daddy, Zee Bars or for kids. Er, kidz.
That’ll be $50, please.