Palace of Pain
One innocent day, a couple weeks ago when I was wiping a Baby Mouse’s runny nose with my bare hands at Nutcracker rehearsals, Pea Daddy went Christmas shopping for the girls.
There’s no denying that Pea Daddy’s a great dad. There might be loud, shrill denying that he is always the best of husbands. Rarely. But when selecting Christmas gifts for the girls he overlooked the important consideration that should always be made in all key decisions:
“How is this going to impact my wife?”
I was willing to overlook the paints.
I could even tolerate the very large, very musical My Little Pony mermaid playground, as implausible as it seems that ponies can live, breathe and ride ear-shatteringly loud carousels underwater.
However, I had a hard time dealing with the Princess Palace and all of its 1500 pieces. In fact, that’s about 1,480 pieces too many for my taste. And what were we to do with this monstrosity once it was constructed? Jam it into Lulu’s closet?
Seriously, don’t open that closet.
But who am I to stand in the way of Pea Daddy’s fabulous gift? Especially when Gigi asked me at 6:14 a.m. sharp on December 26th if she could put it together.
And thus I spoke four of my favorite words in the English language: “Go ask your dad.”
Curses were uttered. Coffee was made. Instructions were removed from the box and completely ignored.
And as the Princess Palace was constructed, I grew old.
By my precise calculations, ten pieces were actually utilized each hour.
Pea Kitty grew bored.
And then Gigi grew bored.
Nothing a little Fruit Ninja won’t solve.
Another hour later, the complaining started.
“I don’t want to stand anymore!” Lulu whined.
“But you have to learn to stand if you want to be an architect!” Gigi explained both inaccurately and matter-of-factly.
“I don’t want to be an architect.” Lulu replied. “I just want to be an author like mom and sit all the time.”
She speaks the truth. I wish she’d stop.
Finally, they’d constructed 500 pieces and the bedazzling began. With 1,000 jeweled stickers.
It took about a dozen jewels in before Gigi got a bright idea.
“Let’s just quit,” Gigi rationalized, “And then I’ll have a new pair of earrings for each day of the year!”
That a girl.
And thus the palace constructed ended.
We have half-naked turrets.
We have hundreds of pairs of earrings.
We have a monstrous castle sitting in the middle of our dining room table.
But at least it doesn’t play any music.
I’d cram it in the closet, but I’m too busy sitting.
Hahahaha omg. When I was a kid, I would have SWOONED over this!
Want it?
I like all of these tags. The pissing and moaning one is a family fave around here.
If you admit to it, it doesn’t seem so bad.
That’s a pretty awesome castle. Gigi’s right though, new earrings for every day of the year can’t be beat.
Is it at least recyclable? (vs closet storage)
I think it’s recyclable if we take all the jewels off. She’ll need some more earrings come March or so.
This is one of my favorite post you have written…I giggled out loud.
Well, good!
The picture of Pea Daddy putting together the pink castle is priceless!
I think this is going to be as close to model cars and planes as he’s ever going to get.
we agree with Anne that picture is priceless!!!
we bet our dad remembers those days for doing ‘girly’ things since he did have 4 of us! poor thing.
HUGS
I am insanely jealous of this castle. Where did you find it?
A local gift shop/pharmacy. Turns out it was on clearance. I have no idea why.
This would’ve been the best gift ever as a kid! I love the pic of Gigi playing with the iphone. If that doesn’t epitomize a kid today, I’m not sure what does
I know, right? Another gift was the “Goodnight, Ipad” book. Pretty dead on.
Ahhh this is so funny. I am reminded of my mom cursing the purchase of micro machines for my little brother – he left them everywhere and she would inevitably step on them, barefooted. There’s nothing like stepping on a sharp plastic machine to make one curse the holidays!
I found a jewel in my oatmeal this morning.
Oh my gosh, I would have lost patience with that after about five minutes as a kid. What’s on TV?
I’m surprised they hung in there as long as they did…
haha I have vague memories of my dad trying to build a similar sculpture with me as a kid… and I am positive about half way in I got up and went to watch cartoons instead.
Love the picture of Gigi on the phone and Pea Daddy hard at work!
Naturally.
hahahahaha! i love the picture of pea daddy helping the girls build the castle. what a good dad!
i have photos from when we were younger of my dad in clip-on earrings and a tiara from when he let my sister and i play dress up with him. did pea daddy put any earrings on?
Not yet, but you just gave me a good idea…
Hahaha. Smart girl with the earrings. Maybe you will have enough of them for christmas gifts next year.
I wanted to set fire to that thing the moment I saw it.
LOL! Me too.
The stickers on Gigi’s ears remind me of those stick-on earrings I had when I was a kid. I have fond memories of my sister snorting them up her nose. Needless to say, I don’t think my mom ever bought them again…
Oh man, I’m surprised they haven’t seen any nose action yet.
Love it.
And yes, I truly believe that most people who give gifts to kids do not think of the parents, talking in general here. Those fingerpaints, that play cell phone that rings at a ridic high volume and has no OFF switch, those DIY crafty gifts with 17 zillion little beads…yeah…they forget what life may be like in a fingerpainting cell phone ringing beads dropping everywhere house
Glad Pea Daddy was in the trenches helping play
You buy it, you build it.
As the working wife of an Architect, I would advise Lulu or Gigi to find a more lucrative career – with or without standing.
Oh you wait, B will have him building her a playhouse to scale as soon as she can talk.
LOL!! Loved this post!
Hahahaha, that sounds EXACTLY like my child hood! Why do they make toys that need assembly?!
Ha ha! That does not look like a fun job. Earrings for a year sound like a pretty good deal after all that slaving away on the castle. Thank goodness our tool bench was already put together. I just don’t know where to put it. Ha. I like the Tommy Bahama coffee mug too. Keep on “sitting”- that’s what you need to do for your next NY Times best seller.
Thank you for the permission to sit more and move less. I’m going to tell people “my trainer” gave me that advice
At least it wasn’t an ant farm! LOL
Oh Lordy.
you are funny & make me happy. i like you.
The feeling is mutual.
As a huge fan of Pretty Pretty Princess, I have to give mad props for the castle. Although if they just want to wear ridiculous plastic jewelery, I highly recommend the game. Neither one of my parents ever let me do my own projects, admittedly my projects were less complicated than this castle. My dad has the knowledge that my (his) hot air balloon beat all the 8th graders when I was in 2nd grade, and my mom got me an A on a very detailed puppet of Captain Underpants.
Oh my gosh, I for got that game. How much would my girls love that?!
Maybe enough so you could get rid of the castle and no one would notice.
Hee hee…Go ask your Dad.
Now those are some mad Mom Skillz right there
Hahaha I remember when my dad bought my brother a 3D castle puzzle that was like 2000 pieces or something mad like that…..you don’t want to know how many arguments were had before that thing was finally constructed. Last puzzle we had for years…I think it scarred my family slightly…
And seriously, what do you do with it afterward??? I started thinking of people we could give it to. Like they’d want it.
Well it became a centrepiece in our living room for a long time cuz there was no place to put it! After a while my parents quietly gave it away to charity, where it probably tortured some other poor family lol.
At least it’s not like the castle I got as a kiddo–mine played loud, off-key music nonstop. I forgot where the on/off switch was, so the music kept playing until the batteries ran out.
Needless to say, the horrible melody (or lack thereof) coming from the bottom of my closet drove my parents crazy
Hahaha this is the best!! I have a feeling that I’ll often play the “go ask your dad” card when I have kids and a husband. I have to say, your castle does look pretty darn good, and I bet your bedazzled princesses do too!
They haven’t so much as sneezed towards it in four days.
I love it; sure what a pain, but it is awesome that Pea daddy actually bought presents on his own ( so many dads are just as surprised as the kids by what’s under the Christmas tree) AND that he helped put it together- what fun for the girls. And bravo to your kiddos for hanging in there that long, if I got one of those things it probably wouldn’t have come out of the box even if I REALLY wanted it!!
I agree…best dad ever.
Haha I love the picture of Gigi with the phone. That so would have been me, even if the palace was my present.
That IS me…most of the time
Palace of Pain…l feel your pain! Do toy manufacturers do surveys on what will annoy parents the most(loud noise, no volume control, no off button, 10 billion tiny pieces, etc). My kids are still young enough to enjoy a cardboard box as a toy but we have received a few very obnoxious gifts that have mysteriously disappeared.
Seriously, I was thinking, I have a 1 piece castle you can decorate. It’s this box!
Ha, I know how you feel! I got “smart” this year, and assembled whatever I could before we gave it to the kids, so they could play with it right away. Still hours of torture for me, though!
My girls love Fruit Ninja also! (but not as much as Angry Birds…)
I think the building of it was the enjoyment of this gift. If you can call it enjoyment.
How can you not bling that baby out?! You’re almost there! ha ha ha ha!!!!
Very funny and relatable post … thankfully and I would say thankfully in bold and underlined if I knew how to do it … with the girls being 15 and almost 18 …. I haven’t combed a dolls hair or constructed a pink castle in years … though, I still have one believe it or not in my spare bedroom!!!
Good job Mama Pea
You do NOT have a 15 and 18 year old! My goodness, you don’t look old enough! Rock on.
Thank you !
I am impressed with the patience! When I was younger, I received a Cinderella castle 3D puzzle that got thrown several times by my father. Congrats!
I don’t think I could lift this beast if I tried.
Too funny! The castle looks great to me. I found your book under my Christmas tree this year and can’t wait to get to work trying the recipes!
That’s great! I hope you enjoy it!
love your new pic with your wavy hair!
Thank you!
haha! that is hilarious! You did it!! It is finished
It looks great and I am sure the girls will appreciate it
I think kids are the most truthful people out there. Too funny. At least you make delicious recipes and great blog posts
I don’t sit THAT much.
I spent about 2 hours Christmas night constructing a tiny Lego structure for my son. I wonder how they can say this is for a 5 yr old? Teeny-tiny zillion pieces that required a large Tupperware for storage so they didn’t disappear under the couch, rug, etc. And then, not 10 minutes after I had finished it, my son demolished it. Thanks for nothing. On another note, my mom bought my husband some Tommy Bahama cologne, so you can envy my good luck!
Awesome, so now your husband can smell like an old man!
Haha! I love it! Maybe the next step should be a lego castle! Though you can’t stop in the middle of lego construction and use the pieces as earrings. Unless you have some hot glue and some extra studs lying around.
Don’t even get me started on the hot glue. Pea D actually bought Gigi a second castle but we had to take it back because it required a hot glue gun. Just what I want my six-year old using.
Yikes! They make toys for children that require hot glue?? It’s madness!
Ahahahaha love it! My nieces would have the exact same reaction to it. It would be the most exciting thing ever for about 5 minutes and then it would be like..”let’s play with the cardboard box this thing came in!”
“but I’m too busy sitting” HAHAHA Yes, after a while kids become bored with assembling their gifts, a downside to Christmas!
I used to get stick-on earrings for Christmas every year. They’d always get stuck in my hair, but I was so happy to get to wear earrings that I didn’t care. I remember the Christmas that my cousin & I both got the Barbie mobile home (white trash Barbie??). We put them together, but there was 1 piece that we didn’t know where to put so we just threw it away. Never did need that silly antenna.
I’m trying to remember my most involved present from childhood, and I think it was the Barbie “townhouse” that was really a whole bunch of cardboard taped together with pictures of furnishings/windows on one side. The most elaborate part was a “working” elevator that involved stringing fishing line from the elevator through the townhouse and up through the roof. I’m sure my parents had a blast constructing that one!
I had that! We got it at a garage sale and I loved it. Maybe it was yours.
ha! oh, i know what you’re talking about with the loud, obnoxious pony mermaid toy. i believe they’re are also used as a torture device at guantanamo bay.
LOL!
I’d like to know precisely which age has the patience for 1500+ pieces!
Apparently, 35.
I can’t stop laughing “I just want to be an author like mom and sit all the time.” Thanks for making my day Lulu.
With so many pieces, just throw away like 10 a day and eventually it will just dissapear…
I like the way you think.
Ha that is priceless. My poor dad always got stuck putting together my toys as well. He was fine with all the pieces, but he couldn’t stand the loud sounds which is why I was the only kid with an inch worm riding toy that had the squeaker removed. My dad said my inch worm liked silence.
My eyes do read 1500+ pieces. Do you think PeaDaddy noticed this huge number? Maybe next time.
The girls and their papa had fun though! I can see how deeply engaged they all are. Not PeaKitty.
In the end …. it was for a good cause …. CHRISTMAS!
P.S. Sarah ….. maybe you can keep this beauty on holiday display. For a bit. After 1/1/12, permanently store in the basement. Every-single-future-Christmas-holiday ….. this castle becomes the centerpiece of your dinner table! I know the girls will love it. Not sure about the hubs.
How is this idea for inspiration? (Love your blog!)
HNY …… !
All my recipe photos will now have a castle in the background
You are so funny! Love your blog!
Thank you! I love that you love it!
SOoo pretty! I had a birthday cake like that for my 4th birthday. My mom made it using upside down ice-cream cones for the towers and she put my real My Little Pony toys in front of the castle. It was the best memory ever – I bet Gigi and Lulu will remember this in the same way!
That sounds awesome. You just inspired Gigi’s next cake, I think.
the toy maker completely failed to realize that the type of kid who would be interested in that toy is not of the age that the ability to assemble it. fail. but if it promotes daddy-daughter time, I guess it’s a good thing. or promotes fun blog posts.
“I just want to be an author like mom and sit all the time.”
i am dying
I think a giant LOL pretty much sums this up
Oh man, I LOVED stick-on earrings as a kid. LOVED them. I’m totally with Gigi.
You had me laughing from just reading this post’s title and seeing the first picture haha.
I had to slam my laptop shut in fear a certain 6 year old daughter of mine would spot this and want it for her birthday!!
The husband bought Livi a plastic marble set and then refused to assemble it! Good on Pea Daddy for some follow through.
Oooh, is it one of those chute thingies? I want one!
He picked out http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=11773784 but she got http://www.hearthsong.com/Marble-Runaround_p1321.html last year and it’s prettier and easier to put away. The plastic one is kind of a mess. Our old independent toy store where we lived in NH had a really nice wood version of the plastic one – that one is the best, but pricey, and you know how they usually don’t love the pricey toys – sigh.
This is the benchmark experience that will show you whether over the years PD will become 1) older and experienced, or 2) older and wise. The difference between experience and wisdom is easily measured by the number of parts contained in any subsequent gift to the girls. I bet he’ll pass with flying colors!
I had clip ons and magnetic earrings, not stick on ones. I guess that dates me….
I will forever remind him of “The Princess Palace” whenever he wants to go shopping
hahahaha that is hilarious.
My mom purposely gives toys that make loud noises to her brother’s kid each year.
She says it’s payback for enduring childhood with him.
I loved this. This, though, is why when I was a kid, Santa Claus always assembled my gifts before they appeared Christmas morning. That and my father (far from being Pea Daddy) wanted to do nothing but sleep on Christmas and my mother could do nothing but cook on Christmas.
Hahaha love it.
I got my 2 year old niece a crib for her babydoll this year for Christmas. Upon her opening it and dumping the entire box of pieces out I realized, that wasn’t the nicest gift to give to my brother-in-law…
It’s been nearly a year since “we” (like we’re neighbours and went together)
had our “eyes done” – one of the best decisions I’ve ever made – hope you’re happy with yours too. Happy New Year to you and the Peas.
So happy! I wake up everyday and marvel that I can see. We did it! Happy New Year, friend!
I love the picture of pea kitty!
I can relate it! For me, it is the kids’ weaving loom, and knit your own stuffed animal that have me grimacing. We all have that toy!
Haha – this made me laugh out loud
Welcome home! Your trip made me so excited that we are going to Maui in 2 weeks!!!