Secrets to a Happy Marriage
They say the key to any successful relationship is communication.
As new parents, Pea Daddy and I always made time to say those three little words: “It’s your turn.”
So we decided to institute a daily email policy. Every single day, no matter what, we emailed each other a message containing three statements:
1. Today I feel _______.
2. I love you because ______.
3. [insert one question to ask your significant other]
I kept every email we sent for two years.
The emails accomplished our goal to take time to connect, with statements like “Today I feel lucky to have you to share my life with” to “What is the one thing you hope to accomplish in the next five years?”
Getting those emails were one of the best parts of my day.
But over time, life happened, and the emails changed to “Today I feel pissed because the cat puked on the carpet again” to “Can you pick up carpet cleaner on your way home?”
I have a way with words.
Eventually the email assignments tapered off, and now Pea Daddy and I just send each other messages when we feel like it. Or when he gets a Groupon.
It’s highly redundant for Pea Daddy to send me Groupons to buy, because I already get the emails. He doesn’t trust my judgment. I admittedly will try to talk him out of most “deals.” Don’t think I didn’t see those expired movie ticket vouchers in the recycle bin this morning, Mister.
So when today’s Groupon arrived in my inbox, I took preventative measures to preserve our marriage.
And sent the following email.
He didn’t forward me the Groupon.
But then this great Living Social deal popped up in my inbox.
I thought it would be a nice gesture to send the email to Pea Daddy and suggest we have a romantic getaway together. I thought wrong.
Fair enough.
I hope he still remembers to pick up carpet cleaner on his way home, though.
loling
Hahaha! Love you and PD!
You guys are so funny! Those emails are all too familiar, except my husband is the one always sending me Groupons and travel deals for vacations that there is no way in you-know-what we can afford.
Hahah! You two are too fun!
We are old and crotchety. Don’t confuse that with fun.
Haha, I love you guys. And in all seriousness, I like that email idea.
It really was a great way to bring us together when we were battling colicky babies and cranky clients all day. I kind of think we should start sending them again!
You guys are so funny and cute. And your hair was so long!
PS-Made four of your recipes this week and loved them all. My book is already looking well loved.
I love to hear that! Yup, I had super long hair most of my life.
So happy about the NYT list. Now I can say I met a NYT best-selling author. Because it’s all about me.
Of course! Thank you
At least he’d die drunk and happy!
That’s what I’m saying. And I might even go get a cellulite treatment before hand. Win win.
That’s hysterical! After ten years of marriage, I may instill the daily e-mail policy. Thanks for that.
A friend once told me that she doesn’t call her husband while they’re working throughout the day. That way, they can share their day and have a more substantial conversation at the dinner table in the evenings. Brilliant!
We check in all day long. We can’t get a word in edgewise at our dinner table
Love the e-mail ideas. My husband and I have only been married for 2.5 years, but we do little things, too, to connect everyday.
It’s so important!!!
hil.ar.i.ous. <3 <3
Oh my goodness, I nearly laughed out loud at PeaDaddy’s response! (would be very hard to explain at work
) My hubby & I text a lot during the day, rarely anything important just stuff that keeps us laughing – if we didn’t at least half the stuff we think of during the day would be forgotten by the time we both got home.
No kidding! I have to tell him the funny things the girls say or I’ll forget!
I love that this post is REAL. Thank you BOTH for being real; with each other and with us. It’s refreshing.
My pleasure! Thanks for reading!
Haha, I like the email idea, it’s cute and gives you something to look forward too. Btw, I made the strawberry mango chickpea salad tonight, so good!
Glad you liked it!!!
Aww, that is adorable. You two are adorable.
Sitcom! Sitcom! You guys would be hilarious.
One of us would
If this whole best-selling author thing doesn’t work out for you, you could always go into marriage counseling. :p
As a counselor or a patient???
This. Is. Hilarious. So funny!!
I read “The Wednesday Letters” for book club just before I got married a few years ago, and promised my husband I would write him a letter every Wednesday. It only lasted about a year and a half, but you should have seen his face when we re-read them on our first anniversary. He told me how loved he felt. Come to think of it…. I really need to get back on the bandwagon!
Good luck upping the ante with death threats over Groupon tomorrow.
That’s so sweet. I’ve never heard of that book, but it sounds wonderful.
Okay, really? Too funny. You crack me up. And even better because my husband and I were just texting back and forth (he was in the bedroom while I was on the couch in the family room). His last one said “please leave me alone, I’m trying to sleep.” Ha ha! Marriage is a funny thing. How long have you been married?
It’ll be eight years this January.
You guys?
Just celebrated 7 a month ago.
Congrats!
Thanks! Crazy how fast it goes by right?
Seems like yesterday…. not 7 long years. 
PS- if I would go to bed right now I wouldn’t NEED that darn coffee first thing tomorrow morning (from your last post).
Oh, I can feel the love.
You and Pea Daddy sound like me and my hubby. Must be the 8 year mark (we just hit it earlier this month).
Congratulations!
Love this post! The email is great, even if they aren’t all the most.. blatantly loving!
Have a great day!
You’re too funny
. I get those emails too, but never read them. They just take over my inbox until I delete them.
If Pea Daddy doens’t want to take advantage of the wine getaway, I would love to go! ha! Seriously, that sounds perfect right about now!
Scott and I used to text, call, email, vmail back in the day but after a decade plus together, we’re pretty much down to keywords and codewords with our texts. We speak our own little foreign language but it works.
I hope you guys DO get away, though. How fun!
That’s such a great idea with the emails! I just told my boyfriend, Will, that we need to start doing that, but I’m not quite sure that he’s as enthusiastic about it as I am…
He might be though, once he gets his first one that says why you love him. You can’t help but smile when hearing how fabulous you are.
Haha, okay well I love the idea of sending daily emails but I think Pea Daddy and my hubby are on the exact same page. I sent mine a link for a good deal on a tickets to a dinner show and he replied by saying, “I’d rather take you shopping.” Haha, I think I’ll take it.
Yes, don’t complain about that!
Kill him in his sleep by smoethering with his grungy old pillow?
That is just slowly killing him. And me. And the ozone layer.
I’m glad that my marriage is not the only one like this haha!
Ha – this was hilarious. Thanks for the early morning smile!
So sweet you two are ; )
Mike and I leave notes for each every day during the week, I put one in his lunch bag and he leaves one for me on the table, now days he does NOT have a note, those are considered Im mad at you days, lol!
Have a great day! The getaway with wine sounds awesome! xoxo <3
You deserve a getaway, making NY Times Best Seller List again this week!! Woot Woot!
That’s so sweet. Those little things make such a difference. Thanks for the love!
Hahahah, oh my gosh, I love you guys!
My boyfriend and I are long distance, and we do the email in the morning thing every day, too. Usually they’re of the “Hey, what’s up, how did you sleep, what’s your day looking like” variety, but occasionally we’ll slip something cute in there ; )
Ooh, long distance is tough…can you imagine if we didn’t have email?
Hehe! That’s so cute that you and Pea D did that daily email exchange for so long. I am on your team when it comes to Groupon “deals” – often they’re not really deals at all, for anything I’d need at least. In my area, it seems they’re ALL for cellulite removal and laser hair removal. i hope there’s a wine getaway coming up soon!
Yeah, he sent me an eyebrow threading one last week….wonder what the message is that he’s trying to send there?
bahahaha that is so cute that y’all still email! nate and i work in the same office so i see him multiple times a day, but i still love getting little messages from him
even when they’re sassy!
I didn’t know you guys worked in the same office! I’m not even sure I know what you do for a living. Some friend I am.
Haha! Loved reading this blog. Your emails gave me a nice laugh and put a big smile on my face! I do have a question though… My fiance and I have called off our wedding and I have sense moved out. We both thought we were going to move on and date other people but have sense tried to work things out..the problem is nothing is getting better..it’s just staying the same. Do you have any suggestions of things you’ve tried or do that work to get you past the rough patches? The daily emails are a good idea but I’ve tried that before and he won’t participate..he just says he’s to busy. How can I get him to understand trying these small things could be a good step in the right direction?
Oh, wow! I’m sorry about your problems. I am by no means an expert on relationships. It sounds like you guys are really stuck and kind of need to make a decision if you are going to stay together or really make a break. I’d try to do some of the things together that you first did when you started dating…whatever activity you guys enjoy doing together that made you fall in love. If you go hiking, on a picnic, wine tasting….whatever it is…and you aren’t able to reconnect, that might be a good indicator that maybe it’s time to move on. And if he’s too busy to do these things, maybe that means he already has. Praying for you! Best of luck, Ashley!
Thanks for the advice. It’s such a complicated and sticky situation and sometimes I do think he’s ready to move on and other times he acts like he’s not. I think I will try to do some of the stuff we use to and see if that helps. Thanks again!
Really pulling for you, girl. Just don’t forget to take care of yourself and value the person you are, even if he isn’t. You are a person with worth outside of the relationship and I hope you are able to find happiness!
This was great. My wife and I send the same emails to each other. Unfortunately, I sometimes receive them from upstairs instead of work.
I love the email idea! My husband and I email a bit during the day, but it is usually not sweet stuff. More like “The dog took forever to come in this morning. I had to yell and yell and yell and then she bit Jasper and roughed up the cats …” or “Did you see what the cats knocked in the floor?” to “When are you getting home tonight? Did you take out the trash?”
Maybe we need to work on sweet emails. Ha
Yes, we need to refocus on that too…I’m going to send one right now
Lol! I’m sure everyone @ work right now is wondering at why I am chuckling so much. You are so funny! I love your blog.
Thanks, Dee! I love your comment
Ahahahah – I loved this. This is so similar to my exchanges with my boyfriend. I think it’s safe to add “sarcasm” as a a key to a happy marriage
It’s pretty much an essential in our relationship.
Oh yes, laughter is super important too. It totally diffuses arguments, which is why it’s probably a good thing I’m not a lawyer anymore.
I think laughing through a case may just be the best way to win it…it would confuse the judge and jury so much that they just wouldn’t know what to do. I think this could be a winning idea (tell Pea Daddy to test it out and see how it goes, haha)!!
Yeah, we’ll let him test it…
You kiiiiiiiiilll me!!! This is too funny! I needed that to know that my marriage is pretty normal, too (aka: that kinda stuff happens all the time haha)
Hahahahahaha! That just made my morning.
My BF and I email back and forth during the day while we’re at work. I love it because it feels like we never miss a beat. Plus, we have some fun conversations we probably wouldn’t have just sitting at home. I have a feeling though later down the road, my emails will start to sound like “The dog left a steamy one in the kitchen for you, see you when you get home”.
You say such sweet things.
I just sent this link to Jason — I love the idea of the daily emails like that.
I just sent one to Pea D
Aaawww, this is adorable!!
This made my day. Cannot stop laughing. You crack me up!!!!!!
This is so funny. Thanks for the smile. Sometimes during quiet moments I decide that I’m going to “communicate” with my husband. I’ll ask him “what are you thinking right now?”, expecting something sweet and loving, and he’ll answer “Do you think that dark brown or light brown would be better for the deck?”. And then I get annoyed. Communication success!
Hahaha! That is too funny!
Did your dad like the cake pops?!
Yes, indeed! Mom and Dad both loved ‘em.
Haha! you two make me laugh. I was just thinking how the emails/texts have changed over the last 5 years for us. From “love you so much, miss you” to “when are you coming home?” “can you pick up bananas?” Apparently, we’ve turned into our parents. God help us.
Amen.
What is it with husbands and Groupons!? Seriously. Mine sent me one for half off of pole dancing lessons yesterday! He’s seen me dance (normally) and he knows how accident prone I am … why on earth would he suggest such a thing if he didn’t want me injured or injuring him in the process!? Oh yea, because “it was a deal.” ha!!
You deserve it.
I hope Pea Daddy gets that get-away Groupon for you on the side and surprises you …
This cracks me up.
I’m the Groupon whore in my household. I have about 10 that will expire in the next couple of months. I think my worst idea was the Bikram yoga one. I LOVE Bikram, but thought that buying a groupon for a studio that is an hour and 1/2 away, would be wise. It expires in December – 10 visits…I’ve used 1.
Oh man. I’m glad I’m not married to you. Unless you love cleaning. In that case, I love you.
lol..i actually just got back from my mom’s – I clean her house every Thursday – takes 2 hours and I make $60! Not a bad gig. And I’m a cleaning maniac.
So it’s ok to love me…and hire me sometime
Hilarrrrioussss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are SO funny!!!!
I really like the idea of the emails.. or even leaving little notes for each other.
You and Pea Daddy are hilarious!
Your posts always make me smile!
Andy and I used to exchange so many, meaningful emails. We still email a few times per day, but they are definitely more “life stuff” and less “connecting stuff.” Andy actually had a book made out of the emails we exchanged during our first year of dating. It’s HUGE. But so fun to read through now….
That is so amazing! What a good guy.
I love that! I’m throwing it out there for my hubby to consider.
Ps. I made your Almond Ginger Dressing from your book this morning to go on our salads for lunch today and I woke my husband up by declaring from the kitchen: “THIS IS MY FAVORITE DRESSING EVER!!!”
Even beats Mmmm sauce in my book, and I love some Mmmm sauce.
Way to go, Mama Pea!
Awesome! I love that dressing too
Update! I sent my hubby the idea and he sent me back a wonderful reply! Made my day!
And I also have you to thank, in part, for his second statement:
“I love you because you are a great cook and make healthy meals for me.”
I sure hope that the folks who wrote those lame and middling Amazon two and three star reviews of your book in which they both said they didn’t like your comments about Pea Daddy read this and realize that you love the guy deeply!
I don’t know if the folks who wrote those reviews have 1950′s style marriages or something in which the wife never speaks even a mildly negative word about their husband in public, but in any case, I couldn’t believe that they describe your comments about him as “harping” and “condescending.”
Maybe their husbands have tissue-thin skins or something and can’t take a joke (in which case, I feel bad for them and their kids). In any case, as a husband myself whose wife makes well-deserved jokes about my habits and mannerisms from time to time, I am pretty sure that Pea Daddy’s life isn’t permanently scarred by your joking about his Groupon habits and Tommy Bahama, and anyone who thinks so needs to take a serious reality check about the way in which modern husbands and wives interact.
So you’ve been reading those reviews, huh? I try not to. I get it that not everyone is going to like me or my book…but sometimes it seems like those “critics” are saying things just to be hurtful.
My marriage has always been playful and that’s part of why I think it works. Pea Daddy is my best friend and I love him like crazy. He just has a few shirts I want to burn.
You crack me up! I love how you can take a serious topic and make everyone laugh. You and pea daddy are so lucky to have each other
THANK YOU for this post! I love the email idea. My fiance and I just got engaged on Satruday – and this is something that I would totally like to work into our relationship. I think it is FABULOUS!
Congratulations! I love that you get to call him your “fiance” now.
This is hillarious. We have a little bit of a groupon problem…and some movie tickets that are about to expire…
lol, I love that! Communication and humor – definitely a great marriage!
Have you heard the song Kill me In My Sleep by Chad Van Gaalen?
No, but I think I need to give it a listen.
I had my boyfriend read this post because we have similar exchanges via email all day long.
Quick note to tell you I made my first recipe from the book, Chipotle LIme Tempeh Tacos, and they were fantastic. I have many more recipes marked to try as soon as possible! Thanks so much.
Yay! So glad you liked ‘em, Tracy!
You are too cute! I loved this post! It had me laughing out loud at work! : )
Haha! Love this. You guys are too funny.
I bought and used that Cottage Grove living social coupon last winter when they had it up, and we had a blast! Kind of a quirky little spot but very fun and sweet for a mini vacay.
Hilarious! And I hope you don’t kill him in your sleep…he seems entertaining to have around
I loved reading this post! My husband and I just celebrated 3 years of marriage and 5 years of being a couple, and have no children…but are already starting to see that shift from the honeymoon period to real life…and it cracks us up when we stop and look at how different things have become over the years!
I can totally see how this would all happen! But I really am a believer of being intentional in everything we do especially with our loved ones. Not really forcing ourselves, but showing him/her that we care enough to do that one special action of love for them.
I’m definitely trying to always be realistic about my marriage once I’m married next yr.! It won’t be easy, but definitely a blessing. Have a blessed day MP!
I am so suggesting (demanding?) this email idea to my husband when we gets home. Love it! Thanks for the idea and the smiles
We’ve officially started the emails again today too.
LOL! Love it. i also read through some old email of mine and the other other half and some of them are sooo funny!
You made me laugh out loud, great post!
I love how the emails progressed from love to groupon
Can I blame the kids? I blame the kids.
Oh man your post’s are always so funny, thanks for the laughs!
Love your site! I just received your cookbook from my Mum, Bryanna Clark Grogan and I love it. Great pictures, great recipes and good laughs while reading it. We tried the Blackberry Basil Smoothie last night and really loved them. I’m looking forward to trying more recipes.
Thank you! And thanks to your mom!
I laughed out loud at your post, especially because I got those same two email offers this morning! (Living in the great NW…) I LOVE your blog, I’m busy buying extra copies of your book to gift to friends and family! “Hey guys, I know we aren’t even vegan, but…”
Thank you, Kara! Be honest…did you get the Groupon for the cellulite treatment?
Hehe, you make me laugh!
I have no idea why I hadn’t subscribed to you yet…well, I am now!
Thanks! Now you are stuck with me.
Love this! It kinda reminds me of what Seth and I call “daily mush.” Whenever we’re apart we send each other an e-mail that expresses how we feel that day. Some are cute, some are funny, and some are, well, mushy.
He made published a book of the e-mails as a Valentine’s Day gift one year:)
So sweet. He’s a keeper.
This was hilarious! My fiance frequently sends me Groupons, but I’m proud to say they are usually for massages and NEVER for cellulite removal. I think there would be a lot more death threats if that Groupon was passed around the internet.
You crack my up! Thanks for ending my night on a happy, laugh filled note!!
Hi Mama Pea, Very cute post! I saw your book in Wegman’s today, and it’s beautiful! I have the Kindle version, which I love also. Can’t wait for on occasion to try the German Chocolate Cake. Is that really 2 cups of unsweetened cocoa powder in there?
Anne
It’s no typo, my friend.
Thanks! Can’t wait to try it!
too cute!!! I totally agree that communication is key for any relationship!!! Gary and I have been together for almost a decade and communication is a must!! among other things
Apparently Pea Daddy didn’t see the deal included “an escape kit” as any one knows an escape kit should guarantee your safety for at least one evening.
Ha ha!
You’re hilarious!
I’m new to your blog, and have been enjoying trying to catch up on your posts… Can’t wait to get your book, too! 
Too funny! I don’t think the boyfriend and I have been dating long enough for him to send me cellulite removal Groupons. Apparently we HAVE been dating long enough for him to fart in my bed. Don’t know when that happened.
Best to your family and your dad. Just feel it in your bones that all will go well…… I so love using your cook book, it is the best!!!!!!
Oh my, I laughed out loud when I read this. And I mean laughed out loud, not that LOL stuff!
I’ll TAKE the cellulite coupon and afterwards, then the WINE!
I started laughing so hard here on my night shift my coworker came to see if I was ok or if I finally went off the deep end! Quite possible that when you’ve had over half your building come down with diarrhea and vomiting! Ps – your comment box and my droid appear to be frenemies for some reason …
Wow this made me laugh! I live in Portland and had forwarded the getaway deal as a hint to my husband just a few days ago. (I passed up the cellulite one, because I doubt there is any kind of cure out there except remaining fully clothed at all times!) We didn’t get the getaway deal after all (money is tight, just sent our first to college last week) but we have one for Skamania that we plan to use in December-we did this last year and I highly recommend it if it comes around again.
Hahaha…that let down sounds familiar. And I really love the idea of sending a daily email with the two statements and a question….might have to steal it from you. My husband sent me an email every weekday for the first five months we dated because we were long distance. His emails were the BEST part of my day.
Well played Pea Daddy, well played
I think I might have hubs and I try out that email thing. Seems like a good idea.