Open Mic: An Encore Performance
It’s a comedy of errors around here.
Fifty more books showed up yesterday to be signed. I haven’t mailed back the other 100. That makes a total of fifteen large 38-lb. boxes in our entryway. It looks like an episode of Hoarders. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen Pea Kitty lately.
Not that I’m complaining.
The cops swarmed our street last night on a manhunt. Kind of. They were tracking a raccoon. They never found him, but I did manage to rob six banks in the forty-five minutes they were here.
In the middle of baking a cake at 9 pm last night, I ran out of sugar. And coconut oil. And didn’t have enough of either to do a second trial run. We’ll “suffer” through eating this batch until I get to the store.
In the meantime, the Peas have been full of nuggets of wisdom. As always.
From Lulu
On seeing me fresh from the shower:
“Mama, I love your two polka dots!”
I need a lock on my door.
When picking a snack from the open fridge:
“I want the little white pebbles I like!”
She means cottage cheese. And we don’t have any. I’m adding “Organic White Pebbles” to the grocery list.
In response to me threatening to put her down for a nap for being cranky:
“At least then I could get a Happy Napper!”
She already has a Pillow Pet. She’s not getting a Happy Napper. Unless she somehow agrees to take a nap. Then I’ll donate plasma to get her the whole set.
On the neighbors bringing over their goldfish for pet-sitting duties:
“We have to get rid of Pea Kitty!”
You don’t have to tell me twice!
On how to tell the boy goldfish from the girl goldfish:
“You just have to look for the polka dots!”
I’m still looking.
From Gigi
While watching me lifting weights yesterday:
“You are the buffest mutha I’ve ever seen!”
She’s buttering me up for something. Ten bucks says it’s a Happy Napper.
First words upon waking this morning:
“Mom, that cake you made last night looked great!”
She never saw it. It was in the oven when she went to bed.
Upon getting caught eating a slice of cake for breakfast when I came in from my run:
“I thought you said I COULD have cake for breakfast!”
I told her just the opposite. Pea Daddy was not privy to this conversation and made the mistake of asking Cakey McCakerFace if I said it was okay.
After having her cake taken away and watching me lift weights again:
“You are even buffer than yesterday!”
Well played, Miss McCakerFace, well played.
From Pea Daddy
After being asked if he’s said anything funny lately:
“Nah.”
And then he asked if there was any cake left.
What a joker.
************
Other open mics:
***Come back tomorrow for a giveaway I’m absolutely dying to tell you about!!!!
bahaha – that is too funny. The other day when I took my niece and nephew to a water park, my niece told me I needed to “spread my bathing suit bottoms out just a litttle bit more.”
I’m sorry kid, is that your way of telling me my butt is big? Thanks a lot. haha
Nice…
I’m just glad the “white pebble” remarks didn’t come when I was stepping out of the shower.
Awesome.
Just, awesome.
Little, white pebbles—that’s hilarious because that’s exactly what cottage cheese is!
And that’s probably why I’ve never liked it! It took me a good ten minutes to figure out what she was talking about.
Haha polka dots. I need to remember that one in January when I schedule my mammogram.
“I’d like make an appointment to have my polka dots smashed.”
They never used to be polka dots
This brings back uncomfotable memories of seeing my mom naked after showering by accident. Even as a now grown woman with “polka dots” of my own, thinking about that still creeps me out!
Sorry about that. Bad mental image.
Oh. my. gosh. I cannot tell you how uncontrollably hard I was laughing at the “mama, I love your two polka dots!” My husband stopped what he was doing to find out what I was so hysterical about. When I told him, he joined me. Hilarious. I hope some day when we have kids they say equally hilarious things. Oh man!!!
Until then, you just have a husband to love your polka dots.
Bahahaha. Sounds like comedy is in the genes
I like that Gigi-girl. She’s onto something… I need to start buttering up my husband so he’ll make me cake for breakfast, too.
Yes, you do want it, you know…
Oh my word, your girls are hilarious!
This entire post is awesome.
“I ran out of sugar. And coconut oil.” – huh??! How could that be?! I have sooooo much of both and if we lived closer you could have raided my cupboards, gladly. I mean, when I say I have alot, we are talking in the gallon-sized amounts. Trop Traditions owed me for some recipes and now I have a lifetime supply i think. lol
Polka dots. Classic. At least you dont have piercings or tattoos. Those make even better conversation.
Manhunts. Always a joy. They sometimes fly overhead in helicopters with megaphones here. AS IF the criminal is just going be like, oh I hear my name on the megaphone. I better turn myself in. Sure.
Good luck finding pea kitty. And with all those books to be signed! Congrats on those!!! Seriously, it’s awesome!
Thanks Averie! I just had a tiny jar of coconut oil. I wasn’t even sure I’d use it and turns out, coconut oil is pretty incredible.
How do you know I don’t have an piercings or tattoos?
(okay, I don’t)
I love coconut oil too and yes, it’s super versatile and I use it for everything from eye makeup remover to chapstick to a good butter substitute to a good substitute for WD-40. I mean, I put the stuff to USE. haha!
Piercings/tats…well, I just kinda assumed. But then again, you could have always surprised me
I’ve heard the coconut oil is great in hair too…as a deep conditioner? Have you tried that?
Sorry to butt in, but I just used coconut oil as a deep conditioner for the first time last night, and my hair feels amazing! I spent most of yesterday evening picking at my split ends, so I slapped some on and ended up sleeping with it on. Will def do it again
It is great in hair! Either as a conditioner, a leave-in, a detangler, or a smoothing “serum”..and a lil dab will do ya on that
It’s also great for skin and overall health b/c our skin absorbs the essential fatty acids in it right thru our skin; don’t even need to ingest it.
But if you do want to ingest it orally, I have a coconut recipes compilation post w/ some of my fave uses
http://www.loveveggiesandyoga.com/2011/05/coconut-oil-recipes.html
Oh yes yes yes. I have to pitch in too!
In South India, all women religiously ‘oil’ their hair with coconut oil a couple of times a week, let it stay on overnight and wash the next morning. It makes for shiny, silky, luscious hair!
I can vouch for it!
Another use is to apply it on your face and then wash it off with gram flour. Great and gentle cleanser. Another staple beauty regime around this part of the world!
I’d try the hair trick tonight because I have a date with some shampoo in the morning, but I’m out of the oil (remember?). Plus my hair is pretty greasy as is…
Try it whenever you have the supply, but do try!
You will need to wear a shower-cap to bed though or you will have a greasy pillow!
The longer you stick with this regimen, the softer and more manageable your hair becomes. Who knows, with time, all those expensive hair products may no longer be necessary? Just saying’
If by expensive hair products, you mean the cheap stuff I get from Target, then you are right
Thanks for the tips!
Okay then, so you will save time ‘doing’ your hair if your hair is
naturally more manageable
Another tip: you can even use regular olive oil in your hair for deep-conditioning.
And you don’t need cold-pressed virgin coconut oil, even cheap old refined coconut oil works great on hair!
Thank you, Sasha. You are full of information. And manageable has NEVER been a word to describe my hair. You’ve seen Gigi’s right?
Ah but it _will_ be manageable if you do the coconut oil thingy on a regular basis.
Nuff said!
Oh pea kitty…Probably nestled behind one of those boxes, or off getting into trouble somewhere
And a happy Napper?? Is there such thing!??
This whole post brought a huge smile on my face! Your family is too precious!
Thanks Ari! (don’t click on the Happy Napper link…those things are evil)
bahahaha the polka dots thing is cracking me up! i remember hearing my sister say something like that when we were growing up…no privacy for mommies!
LOL, I love this post! Poor Pea kitty! (says the cat hoarder)
If you love cocnut oil, you’ll love coconut aminos. Ok, I need to stop pimping this stuff out to you, haha. It just has a way of coming up so often, and I promise I have absolutely no affiliation with the co. Hehe
I am going to our local health food store tomorrow and I will look for it. Where in the store exactly do I find it? By the Braggs?
I usually find it by the condiments and yeah, I think Bragg’s is in the vicinity, but the store I buy it from is a pixel compared to Whole Foods.
Out of my two natural stores, only one carries it. If it’s not by the condiments, try the Ethnic/Asian food section.
Thank you, Jenn!
Hahahhaha! Your kids should be on Kids Say The Darndest Things!! Lulu asking about the white pebbles is priceless. I won”t even get into the polka dots comment LOLLLLL. And Gigi sure knows how to sweet talk
I am so impressed that you can raise a family, have a full time job with blogging, cooking, writing and signing, have a life and STILL find time to run and lift weights! You ARE the buffest mama I’ve ever seen! Buff on the inside too!
Perhaps a future post on eating to fuel your workouts (before and after) could happen? If it has and I am missing it let me know too!
Thanks as always for sharing your adorable and hilarious family with us.
xo
That’s a great idea for a post! I will try to put one together in the coming week or two. Thanks for all the sweet talk! You can move in here and I’ll quote you any time!
hahahahaha….oh man I love lulu’s comments…that girl is too funny.
Oh what a fun family! Btw I have totally pulled that move Gigi did, where Mom says no so I ask Dad instead and he has no idea
I fear how my future girls will be haha.
Do people that preorder your book get a signed copy? I’m holding off on preordering because I’m waiting for a signed book giveaway!
Signed book giveaway in a few weeks. I wish everyone that pre-ordered got a signed copy. Tomorrow’s giveaway might be equally as cool…
I’m sure it will be!
Also, my fiance asked me to get GF cookies, so I decided to make your GF dough balls. They’re chilling in the fridge right now, and I just have to say… he may not get cookies, the dough may not get baked, and I may gain ten pounds tonight. Amazing stuff Mama!!
Oooh good! Let me know if you liked them all baked up too!
Bahahaha I clicked on the Happy Napper link, which turned out to be a terrible idea. My computer was on full volume and now my eardrums are bleeding because a child shouted HAPPY NAPPER at me. I watched ten seconds of the commercial and now I’m down several brain cells. Who comes up with this stuff!? If I were a child, I would be terrified to sleep with those creeptastic creations…
Welcome to my life! Only that child shouting is mine. (I warned you not to click on it…)
Let’s swap failed baked goods….for breakfast!!
Deal!
I think Gigi has made me want a happy-napper… What is it?
You guys have the funniest family around! I can’t wait until August to own a piece of Pea family history! 
Click on the link…but turn your speakers down first…
no turn them up!
My husband and I want a happy napper now. We are such suckers for infomercials. Plus if Lulu and Gigi think it’s cool it must be.
I had my volume on max when I opened the Happy Nappers thing. TERRIFYING. I don’t like how those kids handle their “friends” either. They look like they’re being strangled.
I am dying of laughter over here…this post just made my night
So glad!
Love this entire post. I can’t wait until my boys can say more than “I don’t know.” “Kitty, Kitty” or “MOM-MEE!!!!!” Ha ha ha! Love the “polka dots” and wished my boys liked “white pebbles”. I love the stuff, but have to sneak it in their food.
I have no idea what a Happy Napper is. Is that a good thing?
Oh, did you ever find the Kale at Trader Joe’s? I took a picture of it for you. Let me know if you want me to email it!
I did find the kale, thank you! I wish it was organic, but it hasn’t stopped me from buying 2 bags a week!
And don’t click on the Happy Napper link. You find out what it is and you’ll wish you were back to not knowing again.
Ah..the things kids say. Me and my 3 yo were looking at a dragon fly that had unfortunately gotten into my car and died. A little later he told me he wanted to go see the “alligator fly.” Lol!
Cute!
hahahhahahah awww LOVE IT. i can’t wait to have kids! hahaa i also love the “dumb jokes” tag…more like cute jokes
No, I’m pretty sure they are just dumb.
I made the mistake of clicking on the Happy Napper website and now I’m pretty sure the theme song is going to be stuck in my head the rest of the day. “They are happy… happy nappers…” Aghh!
As I said, welcome to my world.
Hahaha, oh the things the say!
I simply can’t wait to have kids just for the pure amusement they will bring to my life. 
Oh the things your girls say crack me up! That Happy Nappers video scared me though – and kids go for those kinds of commercials??
Apparently mine do.
That picture of Gigi is priceless. “Who? ME?! Cake? Never!”
“It’s wasn’t me. Dad makes my breakfast. Talk to him!”
Oh kids say the funniest things! Ha! Love it!
I always know when Anthony comes out of no where and says something ‘extra’ nice , it means he is buttering me up to ask me for something, lol, he thinks he is so smart ; )
Happy Friday!!!! Can’t wait for the giveaway!
xoxo <3
Happy Friday to you too!!!
Haha, LOVE! Those eyes of Gigi are just pleading cake.
Ever since your last french fry post, I’ve been thinking that your next book should be titled “If You Give a Pea a Pickle” The next line could probably be “They will want white pebbles to go with it”
That’s adorable!
Hysterical! I long for the days when I stepped out of the shower and didn’t have a pair of eyes and an unfiltered mouth waiting for me. “where’s your pee pee?”. “I see your butt!” “why are you so squishy?”
Privacy for me and my polka dots, PLEASE!!
You made my Friday morning! My new favorite thing is two polka dots
Glad to bring you a laugh at my tiny chest’s expense.
Lulu is a commedienne in the making…I feel like she’s going to be her generation’s Amy Poehler
I hope you are right. I love Amy Poehler!
Enjoy your times of unwanted comments from the “pea” nut gallery while you can! Long gone are those times for me. My youngest is heading off to college in August and my oldest (already graduated from college) moves out forever(!!!EEEEKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!) in less than a week! While I do enjoy my girls being older sometimes I long for the days of “Mamma I love your polka dots!” Can’t wait to hear about the give away for tomorrow!
Oh, Kim. I know it goes fast. I’m already sad that I have to explain what polka dots are. Hope you have a nice weekend with your family…and yes, very cool giveaway coming. GAHHHHHH! (it’s not a Happy Napper)
So precious! I want a happy napper!!
Well, that’s it. You’re going to have to change the name of the blog to One Buff Mutha. Or, that could be the name of your second book. Too funny.
Or I could just go by “One Buff Mutha Pea?”
The 2 polka dots — that is hilarious!!!
Gotta love the lack of privacy – my polka dots are viewed by my kids far too often. Something about me getting in the shower guarantees that they will need me at least 6 times. You know, for really important questions like ‘how much longer until Christmas?’ or ‘why does Belle wear a yellow dress?’
Last week my little guy and I pulled up behind a semi with a trailer holding a huge tube. I pointed out the tube and my little guy asked ‘is that like the one Jesus came out of?’ I had to not laugh as I tried to explain the difference in tube and tomb.
It’s even better when the questions have religious undertones. We sat down to “say grace” last night and Gigi immediately says, “It’s so cool that Jesus and I have the same name!”
Gotta run. Jesus wants breakfast.
Ahahahhahah. “I love your two polka dots” – that’s so adorable. At least she was complimenting you!! Kids are just too adorable. Your two girls are just like my two little nieces – the stories my sister tells me about the things they say (especially in public) are just too much.
Hilarious as always. Your kids almost make me want some of my own for entertainment purposes.
Hahahahhaha!! Awesome Mama Pea, you guys are hilarious!! Love the bits about the polka dots!
the polka dots—lol….my children also make comments about my polka dots–and wonder why they are not fuzzy….
Fuzzy? Oh my.
um, i know…relatively fuzzy–lol…it’s summer time afterall ; )
Does this mean I will be sent an autographed copy of Peas and Thank You?!? I realized today that my copy should be coming in a matter of weeks!!! WOO HOO
Maybe you will…if you win one in a few weeks!
Your kids are hilarious! I mean, kis in general say funny things, but I’m cracking up here!
Ha! Love them
Livi has THREE pillow pets. Wants a happy napper. Darn those happy nappers!
And “your cake looked great” is Livi speak for “GIVE ME CAKE.” FYI
Stupid Happy Nappers. Hope you guys have a great holiday weekend!!!
The song gets stuck in my head all the time! They are happy, happy nappers, and they love to play with you!
Thanks! We went to the fireworks last year but blah blah blah it involves sitting on a parade field for hours or walking really far and it’s supposed to be 105º with the heat index, so I’m trying to pretend they aren’t happening or that we can see them from the house :/
You have a great weekend too!! Pea-tastic!
Shhh…that song is in my head now too!
With any luck, our weekend will include ZERO fireworks!
I HATE IT WHEN I RUN OUT OF INGREDIENTS!!! That is the most frustrating thing in the whole world. And by the by Buff Matha, what were you doing baking a cake at 9pm? You are crazy. And also living my dream life. I love that you cook so much. Your children are adorable, and I still think it is amazing that you are forever going to have their childhoods documented. Its like the best photo album in the world! I am sending you much love and luck for the millions of signatures you will have to write. Good thing you are buff.
I was baking cake at 9 so I could blog about it yesterday, but obviously that didn’t happen
Thanks so much, Ali. I hope my girls love reading the blog/book when they are older as much as they do now!
I have no doubt that they will! Who does’t love to read about themselves?
Omg, this post had me laughing so much!!! Looking forward to hearing about that giveaway!!
Your kids are just the cutest. My daughter (who’ll be 2 in August) likes seeing what they are up to on our computer. She is featured on my blog (http://rawdorable.blogspot.com), too. Thanks for sharing all your family moments. Love it!
I’ll check it out!
Thanks
Your family is hilarious! I love morning (okay afternoon, it’s Canada Day I’m allowed to sleep in) giggles!
Happy Canada Day!
Bahaha I love this.. your girls are too funny!!!
Hahaha this post had me laughing away at my screen… thank god i’m home alone!
Have a great weekend!! 
You too, Hayley!!!
thanks for the laughs. Lulu kills me with the polka dot comment!!!
Polka dots! Love it!
Thanks again..did a trial run on the fries today..tasty
can’t wait to make ‘em for the crowd Sunday. Polka dots..so cute! I keep a notebook for both my girls and write down when they say something really funny..my fave so far was an after shower moment too! I enjoyed a long hot shower and actually took the time to shave..really shave 
I step out and my then 3 year old says with wide eyes..MOMMA..your (insert favorite nickname for lady part 
has no bangs!! Have a great 4th too 
GAHHHHHHHH!!! That’s priceless!
Enjoy those pickle fries!
These phrases are what makes mommyhood the best, aren’t they??!!
My son says things that crack me up too, and I love all of that!
Now the polka dots is the best one ever! And I clicked on the link to see what a happy napper was, I can see why Lulu wants one! hahaha!
Ana
I’d just settle for a happy nap…
Bahahaha!! This post had me laughing out loud. Too funny!
Love the buff mutha comments. lol.
I want to be one someday!
Priceless! I remember my daughter asking me if all mommies bums jiggled like mine did. This mothering thing takes a thick skin.
hahahahaha! these are solid gold
Oh man…I love these! Polka dots…I would love to know where kids minds come up with these things! That Gigi is a genius…already buttering Mama Pea up…wise, wise girl. You better watch her! Before you know it, cars gonna be missing, but you’ll still be mesmerized on how she loves your style!
I WANT YOUR FAMILY!!!
Your daughters are too cute, and so is your husband! You are so lucky, and those comments are so funny
Ha ha, thanks! Their mine, but I’m willing to share them
LOL I’m still trying to cover up my polka dots!