Open Mic
I’d say, “I shouldn’t quit my day job,” but this is it. Shoot. It seems that in trying to get a laugh, I’ve caused a bit of confusion. Today I’ve received several, “Congratulations!” One “Good luck on getting a new pea in your pod!” And a few “Have fun trying!” My own aunt texted asking, “Are you pregnant?!?” I’d tell you what I replied with, but then I’d owe another $1 in the Swear Jar. E.B. White once said, “Explaining... Read More
Collection of the Obsolete
Our lives have changed so much in the past few years. Between having kids, career moves and changing our diet, many of the belongings we once owned that were consistently put to good use are now just taking up space, totally unused. Scratching posts. (And consequently, cat treats. And maybe just cats in general.) Thong underwear. If there’s even a moderate chance of visible panty lines, I shouldn’t be wearing it. Bras that have a respectable... Read More
Everything Chai-nges
Even though I was only out of town for a few days, there were some major changes while I was gone. Lulu grew a foot, I swear. She also skinned both her knees at the park, resulting in a severe Band-Aid shortage in the state of Oregon, regardless of the fact that no actual blood was shed. Pea Daddy somehow worked his way through all eleven bottles of root beer that were leftover from Gigi’s birthday party. How is that even possible? He was... Read More
A Pea at BEA
When my editor called to invite me to Book Expo America, I must admit, I had no idea what it was. But for an opportunity to go to New York City, to have a few days of quality time with myself, a respite from tutu mending, hair detangling, elderly mens’ resort wear folding and angry cat avoiding sounded heavenly. Throw in the requirement for a new cocktail dress and the promise of dinner at Blossom and I became the new Urban Dictionary definition... Read More
Wacky Wednesday: Back at the Homestead
I’m spent from a long but amazing day at Book Expo America, complete with celebrity sightings, one of the most incredible meals of my life, and a cocktail party at a rooftop bar. Before you get too impressed you should know that my feet are swollen to the point of elephantiasis, I inadvertently and embarrassingly dropped and shattered my water glass at the party like I was mad at it and I just spent the last fifteen minutes skyping misty-eyed... Read More
Lessons From the Road: New York Edition
1. Everywhere I go, I take a piece of Pea Kitty with me. Via cat hair on my cocktail dress. 2. When I travel, I like to leave entirely ridiculous amounts of instructions for Pea Daddy that are written for my own benefit and will be promptly discarded as soon as I walk out the door. As will the broccoli. 3. The only punishment worse than confiscating my oatmeal at the gate is to sit me next to someone on the flight who doesn’t talk and... Read More
On Gigi’s Birthday
I’m willing to do art projects at 6 a.m. With previously banned glue, Previously hidden glitter, And really, really mediocre poetry. On Gigi’s birthday I have no choice but to turn a blind eye when she wants a donut for breakfast. And I’ll spring for mid-morning pedicures. On Gigi’s birthday, I’ll volunteer to trace silhouettes of 24 classmates, 25 if you count Lulu who now believes she will be graduating from kindergarten in two weeks. I’ll... Read More
How to Throw a Teddy Bear Picnic
Find something to celebrate. Or maybe just someone to celebrate. Because her actual birthday isn’t until Monday. Get balloons. Lots of balloons. A few favors and decorations can’t hurt either. Invite bears. Lots of bears. Lots of hungry, hungry bears. But don’t feed them. (At least not yet.) Plan bear-themed activities. Like building bear masks. Remember washable markers. And baby wipes. And for the love of Smokey, forget the glitter... Read More
You Don’t Bring Me Coleslaw Anymore
It was a strange day. And somehow it ended in Pea Daddy buying me flowers for no reason. Or maybe, in fact, for many reasons. While driving today, I called 911 on a couple that were fighting on the sidewalk while their baby watched from her stroller. Mom shoved Dad so hard he came into my lane and I had to swerve to miss him. She’s a keeper. While mailing dough balls today, Lulu looked around the post office until she saw a man getting ready... Read More
The Art Bin
When you’re alone and life is making you lonely you can always go… To the art bin. Ahh, the art bin–where Gigi and Lulu’s artwork goes to live until I can bring myself to weed out the gems and recycle the rest. And there is a lot of “the rest.” I was never the artist as a kid. Or as an adult. I got this whim to go buy canvases and oil pants and create all the décor for my first apartment. They were hideous, done in the same... Read More
Protein Power
I’ve received about eight emails this week about one specific thing: protein powder. And here you thought I was going to bring up Groupon referrals from Pea Daddy again. Am I that predictable? Don’t answer that. I knew it was time to go on the record about protein powders, though, when my book editor emailed me looking for advice about supplementing with powders. Since she could draw a mustache on the author photo on my back cover before... Read More
Wannabe Recipea: Tamale Pie
I can be a real jerk. (Stop nodding your head, Pea Daddy.) The thing is, for better or worse, if you are even moderately good at what you do, you can get away with being a jerk. Case in point, when reader Nour submitted her Wannabe Recipea request for a Shepherd’s Pie makeover, I did the really obnoxious thing of writing her back and saying, “Have you ever had Tamale Pie?” Tamale Pie is not Shepherd’s Pie. But if Kobe was supposed to shoot... Read More
On the Fly
Things are getting strange around here. I could sit here and rattle off a laundry list of all the things I’ve had to do this weekend, all the things I have going on next week, and everything else I have to do before leaving for my trip to New York in a little over a week, but my gosh, no one wants to hear that. Just ask Pea Daddy. Instead, I’m going to choose to focus on the positive aspects of being so busy that Lulu has walked around with... Read More
High as a Kite
It’s been a remarkable week. I was driving the girls home from school on Monday, wishing I had an obvious way to give back more. I like to think I am appreciative of what I have, not from a financial or material perspective, but in terms of happiness. I absolutely love my life beyond measure. But if I don’t share that, if I don’t have compassion and grace about that, how do I really have anything? And then Alyssa’s story fell (was dropped?)... Read More
The Cutting Room Floor
Bright and early tomorrow morning we are shooting a book trailer for Peas and Thank You. A book trailer is just like a movie trailer, but for a book. Hard to wrap your brain around, huh? I was hoping for an explosion, a Peter Travers of Rolling Stone quote or, even better, a love scene. Grrrow. Turns out, I’m making a salad with the girls and using my parents’ kitchen, which unlike my own, has room for more than two winter coats and... Read More
A Celebration of Life
Update on Alyssa’s story at the end of this post! Tonight we had a celebration of life. For a maple tree. We planted this maple tree seven years ago. You can even count the rings to make sure I’m telling the truth, because I do tend to pathologically lie, especially about the age of agriculture. I’m trying to stop. Okay, that’s a lie. It pained us to pay to have this tree removed. He died over the summer, along with a peach tree... Read More
The Hero Next Door
I had every intention of giving you a fifteen minute fajita recipe tonight. But some things are just more important. Like telling you about the hero that lives next door to me. I was sipping a cup of tea in my sweaty gym clothes this morning, putting off a shower and picking up the wrappers from the pile of crayons that Lulu chose to peel one by one, when I got an email from Pea Daddy. Since the subject line was “The Greatest Gift,” I assumed... Read More
Muffin Pride
Poor thing. It’s not easy being a muffin in the great “tea party spread” of life. Trust me, I speak from experience. Most of my life, my family has called me “Muffin.” And as embarrassing as it was to have my mom yelling, “Go Muff!!!” at my basketball games, sitting next to the boys who needing no further discouragement from ever asking me out on a date, it kind of fit. Often dry, tough to swallow and a little too responsible for my... Read More
It Bears Repeating: For Mimi
I’m celebrating my Mother’s Day with the girls, of course, finally opening the gift that Gigi has been trying to give me since she brought it home Thursday and then acting surprised at receiving the cookbook that on Friday Lulu told me was at Daddy’s office and that he was going to bring it home so they could wrap it and give it to me this morning. Surprise! Later, I’m hosting a tea for my aunt and my own fantastic mom, and so I thought... Read More
Learning About Love
I am a hoarder. Not of cats (child, please!), or Groupons (ahem, Pea Daddy), but of special little foods that I don’t want anyone else to even try for fear that they will like it, scarf it and leave me with an empty jar and a river of tears. My friend Ashley knows me well. And thus she sends me homemade nut butters in massive, conspicuous jars that I can hide in the back of the fridge behind the sauerkraut and miso. No one’s going to touch... Read More
Cinco Means Five
I am a smart person. But I can be a complete moron sometimes. Okay, a lot of the time. Monday, I unknowingly left a candle burning for the entire two hours we were out for dinner. Bad news: it could have burnt our home and everything in it to the ground. Good news: for once my house didn’t smell like steamed broccoli. I promise, it’s the broccoli. Yesterday, I forgot the check for ballet class, but remembered it when we got to the mailbox,... Read More
Notes On a Not-So-Wacky Wednesday
1. I wore shorts for the first time all year today. And a Snoopy Band-aid. Because shaving your legs is not like riding a bike. 2. Gigi knows far more words to Cee Lo’s “Forget You” than I’m comfortable with. But at least she doesn’t know that word. 3. I met a woman at ballet today who had four children, each eleven months apart. I had to do the math because I was pretty sure that wasn’t physically possible. Please don’t... Read More
The Icing on the Cake
I think my downfall in life is unrealistic expectations. Well, that and the absurd amount of TV shows I try to keep up with. I’ve learned to let a few things go. Sorry, Bethenny Frankel. I love you and your scatter-brained, motor-mouthed inappropriateness. But your “crazy” is clogging up my DVR. And if I want to see crazy, I head to a mirror. Those high expectations, for myself, for my husband and for even specific days always... Read More
I Got Carded
There’s nothing I like better than a homemade card. Except the LONGEST homemade card in the world. Try and top that, Hallmark. No $5.95 piece of folded cardboard in an envelope has such a creative, yet grossly inaccurate drawing of my neighborhood. Look! There’s Disneyland! And this is no hillside outside of Jerusalem. It’s the Space Needle. Duh. And in between the Space Needle and Disneyland, we have Gigi’s school. I now think... Read More
A Sweet Celebration (GIVEAWAY)
I joke a lot about how old I am. The number of prunes I eat. The waist on my jeans creeping higher. The “frosted” highlights in my hair getting a little heavier as more and more grey hairs sprout after ballet recital tryouts, chest x-rays and book deadlines. As much as I look back fondly on my 20s, a stretch-mark free mid-section and impeccable bladder control, I have to say, life just keeps getting sweeter. And an early-bird, early birthday... Read More
