Kitty Limits
I’m now going to do something I’ve never done before.
I’m going to defend Pea Kitty.
Turns out she’s got bigger problems on her paws than just having an owner who complains about her constantly. Problems like Lulu “befriending” her.
Last night, after Lulu had smashed the last bean from her dinner burrito onto her plate with her index finger with a satisfying squish, she hopped down from the table, plate in hand and headed right for Pea Kitty. She swooped up the cat like she was a moody handbag, tucking her under her arm and doing a lap around the kitchen in her own dirty plate/pissed cat runway walk.
I watched in amazement, since Pea Kitty hasn’t let anyone other than Pea Daddy pick her up in five years. When Pea Kitty finally squirmed her way from Lulu’s beany grasp, Pea Daddy turned to me and said matter-of-factly, “You know this is going to setback cat/owner relations in this house for at least a good week.”
Thus, this post became necessary. I do not want any more poop in my closet. And that goes for everyone in this house, not just Pea Kitty.
So, Lulu, in addition to doing the dinner dishes or doubling as an accessory, here are some additional things that Pea Kitty cannot do:
1. Eat Baby All Gone’s plastic bananas off the spoon and say “Mmm…bananas are yummy!” Don’t think I didn’t see you try. Although, Baby All Gone is right. Bananas are yummy, even if Pea Kitty can’t recognize it.
2. Return to the Underworld from which she came. I’ve tried. They won’t have her back.
3. Be saddled. If she could, we would have gotten a pet monkey in a cowboy hat a long time ago.
4. Give love. See #2 above.
5. Understand your “Knock Knock” jokes. But if she did, I’d appreciate it if she’d explain them to me too. Why is “Mr. Slushie” always the one “who’s there?”
6. Keep her paws off the furniture for just 30. Damn. Seconds. See #2 above.
7. Fetch the remote. Do not teach her. This skill would render me completely useless to Pea Daddy.
8. Resist the urge to dig a small pebble out of the potted fern on the stairway and knock it down each and every single stair, one at a time and then bat it around the entryway. At 2 a.m. See #2 above.
9. Walk the tight rope that you made by stringing your jump rope between destroyed pieces of furniture. One more reason to get that monkey. He’d be all over that.
10. Wear braided hair. Stop trying. Her features are to severe to pull it off.
11. Wait until you start preschool in the fall so she can just be left alone. And no, you cannot strap her on and pretend she’s a backpack.
It’s alright, Pea Kitty. I got your back.
Oh your Lulu reminds me so much of my almost 4 year old, Nevaeh. I love having two girls, they sure provide hours of entertainment. We do not however have a cat…
Oh man. Defending Pea Kitty? I’m so NOT a cat person, but I’d basically do anything to not have poop in my closet. Hence why I’m not knocked up yet.
Yes, they teach you about the serious “poop in the closet” threat during childbirth classes.
Recently I had to keep gently scolding a friend’s niece for trying to pick her puppy up around the neck and swing him around like a rag doll. It was quite disconcerting to watch.
Speaking of pretending to be a backpack, my new kitty has decided to snuggle on my neck like a parrot…that is, when he has not attached himself like a backpack to hang on for dear life while I get up and walk around.
When will they learn?!?!
Cats are evil. I feel bad for my husband that we will never have one as a pet. Well…not THAT bad.
Seriously funny. We have 2 cats/ 2 dogs and 1 VERY type A Mom (me), meaning I am always cleaning after our furry family. We are lucky b/c all of our pets are tolerable to the point of thinking they are human with our 8yr. Both cats have modeled several American Girl outfits, you know b/c the American Girl we shelled out $100 for didnt like her wardrobe anymore, so Bella thought the cats were more fun to dress up. Maybe it is b/c she is an only child? Now our psycho yellow lab who makes Marley look like an angel, well, that is a whole other story. I think she and Pea Kitty should get together and swap stories. Let me know if you manage a ticket to the Underworld, I know another who could use one as well! I dont know but the pic of Pea Kitty speaks a 1000 words, too funny!
Your cats do NOT have American Girl outfits!!!! I wouldn’t even buy Gigi’s doll American Girl outfits!
Yeah, well, live and learn on that one! Those cats have better yoga outfits than I do! Scary!
#5 is my favorite of course!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I knew you’d like that.
haha I love it! See #2 above =]
Haha I love the last one so much!
ah… a pet monkey in a cowboy hat AND on a saddle? on a cat? who is on a tightrope?
I just want to come visit if this ever happens. I’ll clean your closet in exchange.
Deal.
Is it just me or has Lulu grown up so much lately? In your last post, in a couple of pics she looked like she was getting so tall!
Anyway, on to your cat.. i’m a total cat lover. But I also don’t have one – so maybe that’s easy for me to say
I wonder if Pea Kitty lands on her feet?? Has she tried that one yet?! See #2 above. LOL
I absolutely loved this post! I’ve noticed Chloe eyeing up Minnie already so I’m curious to see where this goes in a few month’s time. On the other hand, where there’s a Chloe there is NOT a Louise.
Thanks for making me laugh at 5am!
Has Louise turned on you yet? I’m not saying it always happens, but when I brought the girls home was when our relationship deteriorated.
All those made me laugh! Cats are classic for the little pebbles/2 am stuff.
And shredding furniture and creating strands and strands of upholstery threads. That just seem to multiply.
And not to be too overly gross here, but cat poop is seriously some of the worst smelling stuff on the planet…sorry that it was ever in your closet!!
Your post titles are always genius. Love, Mr. Slushie
Oh so nice you are protecting pea kitty, and love the list, lol!
I remember when I was little I would think of my cat as a babydoll and carry her around like a rag doll, poor cat!
I was waiting for a fun post all night after you tweeted about that yesterday! Watch out Pea Kitty – Lulu’s on the loose! She won’t even know what hit her (Pea Kitty that is).
I was glad to hear yesterday that everything went well for your dad – I said a prayer!
Thanks Chelsey. It was a brutal day yesterday. Thanks for making it better.
Here’s one thing Pea Kitty probably DOES know how to do (when she’s not feeling ornery and staking out the closet instead): poop in the litter box. Our oldest cat misses every. single. time.
#8 must be fun. Why do cats hate it when people sleep so much??
I’m not sure why sleep is a bad word in this house. Lord knows I’m not getting any.
All it will take is one good swipe and hiss for the love affair to be over, and by that I mean from Lulu to Pea Kitty. Have you ever read this? http://bit.ly/bHr7rT
It pretty much sums up feline personalities, although I have to admit that I like cats more than I like most people (present company excluded, of course.)
I have read that. Hilarious.
I’m thinking Pea Kitty needs her own blog!!
There you go! I almost added “cannot blog” to the list, though. Lord knows I could use a guest post right about now.
Pleaseeee a Pea Kitty guest post would be amazing!!
I’m trying to teach her to type as we speak.
This:
10. Wear braided hair. Stop trying. Her features are to severe to pull it off.
Is. Awesome.
I will be laughing about this for at least the rest of the day, maybe the rest of the week!
haha i did NOT see this one coming…defending pea kitty? you’re full of surprises!
I needed that laugh! I’m having a rough week and it really helped! Thank you!
I miss my kitty now though. <3
Me too, Cindy. Me too.
I hope all is well. My prayers are with you. <3
Thank you. I think it’s a reminder to everyone, especially those who greet some blogs with negativity, that you don’t always know what the other person is going through on the other side of the screen.
Thank you for your prayers.
So, so true. Hopefully more people will read this comment
and remember.
God Bless you Mama Pea. Hope all is well. <3
Thanks, hon.
That photo of Lulu maniacally grasping Pea Kitty’s cloak is one of the best things I’ve ever seen.
I can’t believe she let her do that!
Okay Pea Mamma, you definatly need to turn your daily posts into a book someday! Iam starting to conciously remind myself to NOT take a sip of coffee while reading your posts,,, unless I want coffee squirting out of my nose!! Looooove it, thanks for making us all smile! xoxox
Thank you for reading!
Sorry, I meant “Mamma Pea” not “Pea Mamma”, Maybe it depends on what kind of day your having?! ;> God Bless!
Thanks Karen. Some days I do feel pead on.
I’m most impressed that Pea Kitty had the grace to put up with being Lulu’s temporary fashion accessory! I always enjoy the Pea Kitty posts, and get a good laugh out of sympathy. We’ve got two stubborn (but lovable) cats at our house, and the older cat (who is truly my husband’s cat… he only ‘tolerates me” because I feed him…) is definitely a little bit possessed… complete with …erm… questionable toilet habits…. :-/
Haha…I think Pea Kitty is adorable, but maybe that’s because I don’t have to live with him?
It’s a she, actually!
Poor Pea Kitty. At least she’s good blog material!
I think I about died from number 7. This would be very true with my husband too.
And despite fear of being ostracized, I’m going to say it. I think Pea Kitty is very pretty.
That is so funny. I love how you describe the unfolding drama!
I really want to offer a witty comment to this hilarious post- but Vampire girl from the Bach is on Ellen…priorities Mama! ;D
xoxoxo love yah!
I kind of have no idea who that is. But I did have a dream about Ellen last night. I gave her my Lululemon hoodie. I must really like her.
I think you should consider getting the monkey anyway…if only for our, your beloved readers, collective amusement.
I kind of agree with you!
Ha! That was hilarious! Maybe you SHOULD let her wear Pea Kitty like a backpack…and “accidentally” leave her “backpack” at school.
My 3-year-old Pryce starts preschool in the fall too.
Isn’t it sad!
Yes–it IS sad! I don’t know why I put a smiley face after I wrote that about preschool.
Pryce starts speech therapy in a couple weeks, so he’s already been talking about his “school”. *sigh* My “baby” is getting older. 
I have two cats. Neither are as seemingly unloving as Pea Kitty although their scratching drives me nuts. It’s sad though that when they do try to be affectionate I usually brush them away. Cold noses are not comforting. That’s probably why they hate me and worship Ryan.
I’d be thrilled if Pea Kitty put her cold nose on me!
Lulu is the cutest! I found out our cat was up to NO good at night while we are sleeping the hard way. All my rubber spatula’s had small marks on them come to find out she’s been licking and chewing them for god knows how long. No more utensils on the counter!
Ew! Hopefully you washed them before you used them!
Oh my… Pea Kitty makes me very grateful for our cat, who is sweet and good natured! I think we just got lucky.
I’m pretty certain my sister’s kitten is incapable of
.
giving love too. If she weren’t so flipping cute, I’m sure she’d be
incapable of receiving it too
Maybe my cat Henry should marry Pea Kitty. I think she just
needs a good man in her life.
It helped me stop pooping in closets!
Ow – my sides are hurting from laughing!
Oh this had me laughing. My cat decides to have a game of
soccer at 2 am as well and then sleeps all day as if HE is the one
exhausted!
Tee hee!
Would Pea Kitty like a new home? Most people think I
emerged from the Underworld (see #2 above), so we might get along.
Also, I don’t have a sofa, just laminated bookshelves and a
strip…I mean…”exercise” pole.
Ha ha ha! This made me laugh! Thanks
You make me laugh pretty much every day, so thank you!
And I do agree with those who say Pea Kitty is beautiful. She really is.
As a side note, if you think staring contests with your cat are freaky, try having one with a one-eyed cat, he ALWAYS won.
LOL. This made my day! We have a shorkie and I can’t wait to see how he interacts with our newborn once she gets older!
Haha! Loved the references back to #2!!
Kids take a long time to recognize that cats aren’t toys. My six-year-old daughter has grown up with cats in our house, yet she still tries to pick them up by their hind legs. Fortunately, the cats are crafty enough to get away in time…
Our old cat didn’t poop in the closet after my daughter was born. But she started emitting a piercing howl, right outside the bedroom door, just when I’d settled baby down for a nap, thereby undoing all my hard work. Just as annoying as poop, trust me!
Oh yes, Pea Kitty does that to Lulu too, but it involves clawing the pink armchair in her room and crying. You knew furniture destruction had to fit in there somewhere.
haha, I am happy I don’t have a cat purely so that I won’t have to find poop in my closet. That has to be a bad surprise!
Yeah, I’ve had better surprises in my life.
Pea Kitty looks just like my friends kitty back when we were kids. His name was Muffin. Ah, memories. Thanks, as always, for sharing
Oh, Muffin. That’s what my mom calls me
This post cracked me up and reminded me of my 5-year-old niece lugging my mom’s cat around and wearing him like a scarf – poor kitty.
Funny story: when I read “Baby All-Gone” my brain thought I was reading “Baby Al-Gore.” I actually clicked on the link to find out what the heck is a “Baby Al-Gore” and why you would want one…..! Turns out I’m the one who needs her eyes (brain?) examined! Love your blog and your humor! Blessings, Sassy
Ha ha! I kind of want a Baby Al Gore.
This comment made me laugh SO hard. Can’t…stop…laughing!
wait, no, lulu cannot be on her way to school this fall. oh mama pea, this is just too much too fast. where has the time gone? just yesterday she was sitting on the couch with her jacki-o shades and a cast on her leg. hmm. wait, on second thought, that may have just been time number 420 that you put the photo in a post;-). okay, okay, hold the tomatoes, i’m not anywhere close to being as witty as you are. i’m just trying to cheer myself up over here. our little lulu is going to school in the fall. tear.
***for the record, that’s one of my favorite photos.
You are cracking me up. That is one of my favorite photos too. What are we going to do without our little Lulus? (sniff)
The funniest part of that post for me was the part about the knock knock joke. Here is the one and only knock knock my 2 and a half year old son knows:
Knock Knock.
Who’s there.
Poo poo.
Poo poo who?
Poo poo in the potty!
(assume hilarious guffawing, then repeat joke at ad infinitum)
That is far funnier than anything I heard tonight.
Here’s one for you:
Knock Knock
Who’s there.
Pee pee.
Pee pee who?
Pee pee in the potty!
BAHAHAHAHAHA!
I’ll have to teach him that one to increase his repertoire!!
Defending Pea Kitty!? I never though I’d see the day!
Stress does strange things to people.
Your Pea Kitty posts crack me up — I think your cat and mine must share a common ancestor!
Aw, the last picture! That cat is not amused
#2 and #4 made my day. Oh, crikey.