Home Schooling
Ever since we got home from our overnight date, the girls have not been themselves.
I caught someone eating whole wheat pastry flour straight from the canister.
Simple requests for teeth to be brushed have been met with a foot stomp and a “No!”
And while Pea Daddy tried to watch football last night, there was a smackdown over a yellow marker. Gigi displayed some moves I’ve never seen—moves I will remember if I’m ever caught in dire need of a Sharpie.
After all of the frustration, I had a “Betty Draper moment.” These are what I call the moments when I want to put on a poofy dress, smooth my perfectly styled hair, drink a glass of wine in the middle of the afternoon and turn to my children and say, “What is wrong with you?! Go watch TV!” And then I’d lay on my fainting couch for awhile.
Instead, I hiked up the yoga pants that I just realized I’ve had on backwards for the last fifteen hours and said, “I hope you both are coming down with something. That would at least explain this sort of behavior!”
And then I had a handful of chocolate chips.
Gigi looked puzzled and said, “You want us to be sick?”
I’m just glad she didn’t put me in a headlock. Then, just to spite me, she got sick.
We got to spend some quality time together at 3 a.m.
The problem with Gigi being sick is, well, she kind of has a flair for the dramatic. Think dust allergies become pneumonia meets the bird flu meets the bubonic plague.
She’s organizing her own telethon to find a cure.
Bring on the Kleenex trail so she can find her way back to the flour canister.
Bring on the gallons of orange juice and the endless bowls of organic Spaghetti O’s.
Bring on the homeschooling.
We’ve done flashcards. We made lists of things that start with the letter “P.” And when I snuck into the kitchen to make myself something that didn’t come in a can or the shape of the alphabet, she followed me in for a lesson in reading.
She started sounding words out before I knew what was happening.
“Ski—“
“Ski—nn”
“Ski—nn—eee”
“Buh”
“Buh—itch.”
“Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!”
I suddenly paid attention. “Gigi, go watch TV!”
Where’s that fainting couch when I need it?
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Note: I’ve added a Pea Mail and FAQs page, by request. Unlike this post, it’s G-rated.
BWAHAHAAAHAAAAA!!!
If I hear that word out of her mouth again, I will die.
STELLAR post my love…LOL!!!!!!!!!!!
There is now a Post-It over the spine…
Love it! And love the Mad Men reference!
If I can’t have the couch, I at least want Betty’s wardrobe. Please?
Hahahaha. Oh dear. So it begins. At least she’s advancing her reading skills, right?
Amazing about the backwards yoga pants. That sounds like something I’d do, but I don’t have the excuse of 2 kiddos distracting me.
I couldn’t figure out why they kept riding up.
Hahaha…so funny.
I love the last picture on the couch. She’s dragging!
I forecast that you will hear The Word again, soon. A few days after you think she’s forgotten all about it.
Oh please let it not be at church.
I pray that it is not during church…especially not at high volume while everyone else is perfectly silent, not that I have had any experience with that scenario ; )
Don’t let Gigi read my blog…
HA!! Did you end up having to cover up the title?
Also Andy and I JUST started watching Mad Men. So far so good. I just keep saying to Andy, “How DARE men treat women that way! They’d never get away with that now!”
Yup, covered the whole thing with a Post-It. Which frankly, I find the first word as offensive as the second.
I 100% agree with you on that one.
Ooo as soon as I saw the picture, I thought that’s where it may be going…
Then you will be a good mom, because I was clueless.
Learning to read: a blessing and a curse! get it? curse! LOL!!!
It took me reading it twice, but I get it! You should start a blog
I DO have a blog!
Link a sister up! I want to read it!
That’s precisely the reason I blacked out the “bitch” on all of my “Skinny Bitch” books. With sharpie. Sharpie that I didn’t have to dropkick somebody in order to use.
I love the last sick photo of poor little Gigi. So dramatic!
Might as well black out “Skinny” while your at it
So true. Why didn’t I think of that?
And I see you have the new “S****y B**ch” cookbook. I just got it for Christmas.
Yup, I bought SB the other day. Haven’t made anything yet, though.
I knew this day would come. Actually, I did not. I just wanted to say that. I am so dramatic when I am sick, did I mention that I am turning 22 in two months?
You’re sick too? Gigi’s raising money for a cure.
Learning to read and sounding out all the choice words. Oh boy
For better or worse, Skylar has heard me say more than just B**ch. Thankfully she somehow knows it’s not ok for her to say them. But I need to clean up the ole potty mouth. I think I need a Pea-Style swear jar
That’s why it was so strange…she never hears words like that (on TV or out of our mouths), so she had absolutely NO clue that it is a bad word!
In massage therapy school we have to get dressed and undressed under our sheets (in case a potential student tours the facility, to save them from our nakedness), and I totally put on my Champion work out pants backwards, and it took me a good while to figure out why they were suddenly so bunchy in the front.
The tags sticking out of the front of my waistband gave it away for me.
Ouch! Hope Gigi feels better soon–but too funny on the “bitch” pronunciation.
Shit. I just realized I need to stop cussing when I have kids.
Bwhahahaha!
I know, it is so hard when they are starting to read! We were in Germany and someone had spray painted the F-word in huge, hard-to-miss letters and Alex said it out loud (pronounced it perfectly!) and asked what it was. So I told him not to worry about it because it was German!
But kudos to her reading, right? She’s ahead of the game!!
Oh no!
You just never think about those days coming and then they do. Without warning! Once again, I learn from you:)
Yes, perhaps this was just an indicator that maybe it wasn’t the best book purchase. I can’t imagine you run into that problem at your house much
I feel like your family could have a reality show.
Growing up my mom used to watch Days of our Lives. During her “show” we were supposed to keep busy
I remember one day a main character “Stefano” yelled Dam! My younger sister thought it was fun to yell so she promptly repeated Stefano’s favorite word for the rest of the day. That was the last time we were allowed to be in the room when Days of our Lives was on!
Oh, I’m totally familiar with Stefano. Was this before or after Marlena was possessed?
HA! I wanna say before?!
this is your best story yet! of course, i can say that because i don’t have kids!
i agree – post it note + sharpie + a new title for that book!
Thanks! Yes, the book title has been revised.
oh no, too funny. Maybe you get a magic marker and change that title. skinny Bit…….????
There is now a green Post-It over both horrible words.
I totally remember the first time I swore – I didn’t even know it was a bad word until I got in trouble. Gigi sure is a drama queen – she reminds me of my older sister. I’m doomed when I have kids. We always says I’m going to “pop out a Kirstin” on my first try… Oy Vay.
I got that cookbook for Christmas. It’s lost the bitchy tone, so why couldn’t they have chosen a new name? I have a pretty bad potty mouth, but I never even thought about the fact that it will probably be lined up in a lot of family kitchens…with kids who don’t understand the subtleties behind that title. In any case, here’s hoping Gigi feels better soon!
That is so something my girl would do. You want to laugh, but don’t want to encourage, but oh so want to laugh.
Hope everyone is on the mend soon.
Hahahaha! So funny. She’s a smart one. That first pic, with the kleenex…. look at the doll… creepy/hilarious! I thought that was a child!
Love the Skinny B*tch cook book, and I only just bought it yesterday afternoon. I already have lots of little bookmarked recipes I am just itchy to try. If only I could make them all in one day, all at once LOL.
HAHAHA oh my gosh! that’s hilarious…and the best part is it’s said so innocently…like it’s just another word! i hope she gets better soon!
She totally didn’t understand why I was like, “Stop saying that!”
I had a fabric softener sheet stuck in the sleeve of my shirt all day and had no idea until I took it off at night. At least I smelled good though.
Maybe Gigi is a bit jealous of your date night and wanted one of her own–complete with late night shenanigans, profanity and wardrobe malfunctions. If it got me some of your delicious Skinny Bi$&% vegan deliciousness, I might throw out a couple choice words and sniffles myself
P.S. Be glad it’s not Pea Daddy. “Man sickness” is the worst, most annoying thing ever.
Nope, Pea D and I are strong as oxes. I think it’s because we don’t pick our noses.
I love the picture of her knocked out on the couch. Adorable. Hopefully she doesn’t know what the B-word means! Let me know how you like the new SB cookbook, I’ve been debating whether to get it or not!
It’s okay so far. But I’d just wait and buy mine.
haha! i love that she chose THAT cookbook to sound out. hope she’s feeling better and no one else catches it!
Sounds like you have a little drama queen on your hands
It’s actually a relief to know that you children aren’t perfectly behaved 100% of the time… I thought they were
Oh no. You read the chair post, right?
Oh how funny…the thing is, they are so innocent when stuff like that happens, they don’t know what it means…at least I hope! We just had a gal at the office tell us a story about her 4 year old who happened to see her dressing the other day and out of no where later in the day she said “Mommy, why do you were undies without a butt?” haha!!!! Oh boy….
Hopefully she will pick an appropriate time (not church!) if she ever repeats it!
I hate undies without the butt. There, I said it.
Yes and I can’t believe they sell them for little girls
these days….Remind me again why I am not a parent?!
Hahaha!! Too funny. At least you can be proud of the fact that she can read really well.
Is Lulu the same with the dramatics. My oldest will downplay everything so as not to have her life interrupted but my six year old literally pretends she’s dying if asparagus is introduced at the dinner table. And when she’s truly sick…look out world.
I LOVE reading stories about the kids. It’s my favorite thing to write about too!
Lulu is not nearly as over-the-top as Gigi. She’s just trouble.
oh my gosh, did she really??? hahahahhaa!
Oh my goodness that is too funny!!!!!!!! I do love the skinny bitch cookbooks! and I wore my pants backwards to work last week, a client told me that they were backwards… talk about mortifying! Thats what I get for trying to be nice and let Hubby sleep while I get dressed in the dark at 5am!
Oh no, a client told you! Ha ha ha!
So sorry Geeg is sick, but that’s HELLA funny!! We really have to watch those 5 year olds, don’t we? About a month ago, Ryan was in the car quietly looking out the window, when he says “Momma, what’s an Adult Store?” Damn those great kindergarten teachers who just insist on teaching our kids to read.
Who are you kidding? Ryan’s been reading for years. You are that great teacher
AWWW! Poor G!! I dusted a fake plant I haven’t ever dusted… literally… Made it w. my MIL 2 years ago and never touched it again. I dusted it Friday and got a servere allergy attack and now it’s still with me… did the dust make me sick ?!
That is too funny! I really wish I had a fainting couch too. Though I don’t have kids. It would just be fun to have one though – possibly in our office break room at work?
I’d take a break room too.
Oh no! That girl can READ! Hide the books.
“She’s organizing her own telethon to find a cure.” Oh my goodness, LM*O. Oops, I guess I’m going to have to take a trip to the swear jar with Gigi.
That’s okay. * works just fine.
This totally made my morning (well, not your daughter being sick, but the whole fiasco and learning experience that goes along with it!). Thanks, Mama Pea!
Happy to provide a smile.
Hilarious! She’s adorable! My 2 yo was mumbling “F’n
Ridiculous. F’n Ridiculous. F’n Ridiculous” the other day. I
thought he couldn’t possibly be saying the eff word, but he was. I
have no idea where he heard it (really I don’t this time), but
unfortunately he used it appropriately & its a new habit to
curb. Gah! I hope Gigi gets better! Sick kids are no fun!
Oh no! I’m so sorry…this is hilarous though. Effin’ hilarious.
pastry flour straight from the canister? oh my!
Oh. My. Gosh. I stumbled on your blog a few months ago and
have read it every day since. You are hysterical. I love sitting by
myself cracking up to your blog!! your recipes are great
too!!!
Thanks, Jessica. I’m glad you found me!
Gigi is leaving the drama for her Mama
Sorry she’s sick
though, hope for her sake and yours she’s better soon!!
Yeah, whenever I’m watching my nieces and nephews I try and
keep a watch on what I say. But I never thought to worry about
books I own!
Hahaha! Did you tell her it was just a book about thin
dogs?
There you go!
hahahhaa thats so cute
Hi, I found your blog through HEAB’s site =) Your posts are
very funny and I look forward to reading more from you! P.S. Don’t
you just love it when people just have a flair for the
overdramatic? Just always makes life so much more interesting
Glad you found me! Yes, our life is very interesting!
I’m constantly stunned by how mean Betty is, but I can
totally relate to Sally (when I’m not relating to Peggy). I think
they’re just showing what it was like before the touchy-feely 70′s.
Everybody was still reading Dr. Spock. Did you see the episode
where they littered after the picnic? You could have heard my gasp
from down the block!
Yes!!! We were cracking up! Or when Sally was playing with the dry cleaning bag!
Hahaha! I’ve never seen Mad Men but Hunni has a flair for
the dramatic when sick. At least she’s learning to read
hahaha
“:She’s organizing her own telethon to find a cure.” that line almost made me spit my tea all over my keyboard..
Yeah, sorry about that. Would you care to donate, though?
Fabulous story. It’s a sad day when kids begin to learn how to read and spell things….no more secrets
I know! I’m going to have to teach Pea Daddy sign language.
We used to spell but we would add a few extra letters at the beginning of each word. They would be busy trying to figure out those few letters while we conversing away. That strategy bought us a few more years. Good luck ladies!
I’m not smart enough for that.
I know you like that book but I haven’t been able to bring
myself to read it just because of the offensive title! I’m more
offended by “skinny” than “bitch”, but either way, it’s
troublesome. STRONG IS THE NEW SKINNY!
Amen! I desire to be neither skinny nor bitchy!
Oh no to sick kids and kids saying bitch! Livi was sick
last night too – a cold and a tummy ache. It’s hard to be
comforting in the middle of the night.
Must…stay…awake!
Haha… oh kids!
HAHA I am in LOVE with your children. Want me to babysit?
Slash spaghetti-o’s were my favorite when I was a little girl!
What are slash spaghettios? Like the guitarist from Guns N’ Roses?
Love this post! One day I’ll grab that book, when I get through my current massive “to read” pile!
haha one of my best friends always tells me I need to get pregnant so I will stop cussing, haha
Hope Gigi feels better! I have been under the weather too, so thinking of her!
Thanks, darlin. I hope you feel better too.
Oh no, that is too funny! I hope Gigi feels better soon!
Just a matter of time, and that will be happening in my house too! Oh my goodness… “Go watch TV” indeed!
oh my gosh. that is hilarious! kids are too smart these days…
hahaha i love her dramatic face!
Haha I love those moments from kids, when they say something inappropriate totally innocently – it’s too funny. I hope Gigi feels better soon!
LOL! You have to warn me before something that funny – wine in the nostrils hurts!
P.S. Love the SB cookbook, right?!
I haven’t tried the recipes yet, but they look great…a lot like mine!
loving the creepy babydoll in the background.
That is Bellyana, thank you very much. And she is offended.
plain whole wheat pastry flower? ick!!
Oh my gosh! That is hilarious! What’s with the eating flour
from the canister? Ick!
She’s hard core.
I love your musing thoughts and posts– so great to hear what’s going on with the fam and in your life!
God your kids are hilarious, give her some blackcurrant juice! Like hot ribeana (if you get it there)
Makes you better instantly aswell as tasting awful-my mum used to make us drink it,
We would beg to be better again, same as hot drinking medicines.
xxx
haha! My husband gets dramatic when he’s sick too… and he’s a 34-year old male
That’s too funny! As soon as I saw “Skinny Bitch” I thought Oh. No. I laughed so hard at your dialogue of Gigi saying it phonetically as she read it! What did you think of The Kind Diet? And I 100% agree with your comment on “Skinny” being just as offensive as the last part
I really liked the Kind Diet and Alicia’s approach to veganism. Her recipes aren’t as family-friendly as say…mine, but I still think it’s a book worth reading.
Sorry she is sick, but OMG I am laughing so hard right now!
Jen
She can read!!!!! Yay
I feel like Gigi and I have a lot in common. Sick with a flair for the dramatic. I like it!
I feel a little bit responsible, after so whole-heartedly recommending the SB cookbook to you! I am very sorry. And being that I am the queen of drama (when ill), and having strep at the age of 23 (which pisses me off to no end, isn’t there a rule that once you turn 14 you can’t get strep throat anymore), this gave me a great laugh. Thank you!
I don’t blame you. It is a good cookbook!
HA!!!
I was making a recipe from that book and considered blogging it, and was trying to figure out how to reference it without offending my entire side of the family…
I feel like an entire book could be written on how not to parent, modeling the good ol’ Betty Draper method. I love how when she feeds the kids she doesn’t even try to have anything to do with them. I get it….different times, but still.
It makes me feel better as a mom when I watch Mad Men.
Too funny!! And I am totally with you on all the mom stuff.
Wine in the afternoon, fainting on the couch, Tv for the kiddos,
hoping they’re sick to explain the behavior – been there! Hope good
health returns to your family soon! P.S. Found your blog through
Jessi @ naptimediaries.
Glad you came over…love that Jessi!
dang I loved this post. It’s so classic on so many levels.