A Few Acknowledgments
The “writer” part of my brain is fully spent. And now you have to suffer because of it.
I finished up my book edits today and went as far as to write one of the most difficult parts of the book for me so far: the acknowledgments page. How could I possibly try to pinpoint only one page worth of people to acknowledge? “Readers” and “healthy living bloggers” made the cut (that’s you!). My mailman did not (I hope that’s not you! But if it is, that Anne Heche joke on page 221 didn’t make the cut either, so don’t go all postal on me, Mr. Mailman).
While I’m on acknowledgments, I have a few more to make:
1. I’ve spelled “acknowledgment” wrong two out of the four times I have written it thus far.
2. I had to count the number of times I used the word “acknowledgment” three times before I finally figured out I had used it four times (now five…and I spelled it right the fifth time. Yay me!).
3. While getting ready for church this morning, I prayed that God would let me have a good hair day and in exchange, I would be on time for church.
4. It didn’t matter what my hair looked like because after the church service attended by my friend Rachael, for whom our pastor gave many acknowledgments to all those who prayed for her (that’s you, again!), my makeup was running down my face and I looked like a hot mess. A punctual hot mess.
5. I just spelled “acknowledgments” wrong again.
6. I also deleted the word “tranny” from the phrase “hot tranny mess” in sentence number four so God wouldn’t be upset with me and never bless me with a good hair day again.
7. Lulu asked me on the way home from church if “hammer pants” was a bad word. I told her, “No, honey, just a bad fashion choice.”
8. Another bad fashion choice is trying to put a dress on by sticking your feet, waist and entire body through the neck hole. I’m talking to you, Gigi.
9. I made cookies today to make up for the fact that I said a bad word when I caught Gigi trying to squeeze her booty through the neck hole of her dress. I did not say “hammer pants.” And God had all of my Swear Jar money in the offering plate.
10. My grandpa used to bring home cookies in his lunchbox after he got home from his job as a butcher at the State Penitentiary (ironic, no?), and my brother and I would fight over them. We called the cookies “Con Cookies.” They had chocolate chips, rice krispies, oatmeal and peanut butter, and I once fashioned a shiv out of a piece of tin foil and a pencil so I could take what was rightfully mine.
Con Cookies
Makes 15-20 cookies
- 1 c. whole wheat pastry flour
- 1 c. old fashioned oats
- 1 c. crispy rice cereal
- 2 t. baking powder
- 1/2 t. salt
- 1/2 c. chocolate chips
- 1/4 c. vegan margarine (i.e. Earth Balance)
- 1/4 c. natural peanut butter
- 1/4 c. organic brown sugar
- 1/4 c. organic sugar
- 1 t. vanilla
- 1/2 c. non-dairy or organic milk
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
In a large bowl, combine flour, oats, crispy rice cereal, baking powder, and salt. Set aside.
Using a stand or electric mixer, cream vegan margarine, peanut butter, sugars, vanilla and milk together.
Add dry mixture a little at a time to the wet ingredients, until combined.
Scoop dough onto an ungreased cookie sheet, spacing an inch apart. The dough will not spread much during baking, so press dough into the flat, cookie-like shape and size you’d like your cookie to have.
Bake 12-15 minutes or until cookies are set and edges are golden brown. Allow cookies to rest on cookie sheet for one minute before transferring to a cooling rack. Store any remaining cookies in an airtight container.
10. Soy milk and cookies inspired by men doing hard time are hard to beat.
11. Unless you are still in your church clothes and a non-forgiving waistband.
12. I just discovered that you can spell “acknowledgment” with or without the “e,” making half of this post completely pointless. The other half is only moderately pointless.
13. Tailored jeans bite. I wish I had some hammer pants.
More chocolate chips for Lulu!
Lists make me happy. So do these cookies. Bookmarked! Have a fantastic week…and your potpourri comment made me choke on my beverage. Xoxo night!
“Con Cookies” made me laugh so hard.
I once tore my favorite hammer pants right at the butt seam, and if you can picture how hammer pants could actually be tight enough to split the seam when you bent over, you too lived through the 80s.
You *could* touch this, and I was smote. :/
So I have often thought about who I would recognize if I ever wrote a book. I guess it would depend on what the book was, but I imagine that has to be difficult.
Congrats either way!
Break out the old maternity pants. They’re good for cookie eating.
I always spell exercise wrong. I want to spell it “excercise”. You would think that it would be a word I could spell correctly since I use it pretty dang often.
You sound like me at the end of the night after placing too many orders for my day job. I hope after writing this post you promptly put on elastic waist pants and relaxed with your hubs!
CONGRATULATIONS ON FINISHING THE BOOK EDITS!
hahaha you crack me up – I agree.. hammer pants = bad fashion choice.. but, to eat cookies, I think I would do it!!!
Can’t wait for your book Mama Pea. I own no recipe books and I’m sure yours will be my first (and the most charming, witty and unique).
Haha, I have con cookies too, but they are the ones I take to conventions…not for or from the penitentiary (though most people that go to the conventions probably belong there). Anyway, I am glad your friend is doing better. What a fighter she is! Have a great day Sarah!
I love that your grandfather brought cookies home from jail, not the meat he was actually using. That’s the sign of a good grandpa for sure. These look great!
oh my gosh, that line about gigi trying to get dressed through the neck hole was awesome! i remember my sister doing that when we were little…i made fun of her so bad for that one…
Thos cookies look ah-mazing!!! I just added it to my favorites list for the upcoming weekend.
OH those cookies look so good! I never thought to put rice crispies in cookies but it sounds like a cute idea!
That hammer pants comment is HYSTERICAL! Congrats on finishing the edits. Oh and I spell definetly wrong EVERYTIME. (its wrong in this comment too, i’m tired of fixing it!)
I meant to say that I spell the word “definetly” wrong every time. Its too early for me for spelling jokes.
Love it! I have to admit I’m with Gigi…I like those dresses you can pull up right over everything.
I now have a craving for milk and cookies!
I love lists and those cookies look phenomenal!
Congrats on finishing the book!
And you postman pun made me laugh out loud
Well my peas, those cookies sound incredible! Also, how on earth did you manage to write an edit a book, write brilliant blog posts every day, write brilliant blog posts every day that often/always feature a new bossy recipe, be a brilliant mommy to those gorgeous girls (and do their hair so cutely, might I add) and accomplish the other myriad of rather amazing things you do every day. HOW?! I guess what I’m saying is that I need some Mama Pea words of wisdom and advice on: How To Do It All.
Oh Kailey, you are too ridiculous and kind.
do you read ‘the man repeller’? hammer pants made me think of her. those cookies look goooood and i’m so excited for your cookbook. i will buy it. and promote it. <3
No! Who is the man repeller? Is she a blogger?
Con cookies sound delicious. What dirty deed do I have to do to get one? ha
I agree…tailored jeans are the worst! I’m wearing some now. Non-forgiving.
Gasp! Can’t believe you said hammer pants!
I just wanted to tell you that your witty posts brighten my day everyday
Thank you, Lauren.
My ex-husband actually had American flag hammer pants…that he wore in public…in the late 90′s…which, as you WELL know, was loooong past the acceptable-hammer-pants-wearing “timeframe” (if there was such a thing).
And, I’ll admit it, I’m sometimes still tempted to step into the neck of a dress and heave it up over everything.
Thanks for another great recipe. I can’t wait to make these.
GAHH! American flag hammer pants remind me of Napolean Dynamite and Rex Kwan Do! Love it!
I feel you on spelling acknowledgment. I swear the internet has made me spelling dumb. I remember the days I used to rock the spelling bees!
Those cookies look yummy! I wish someone (you?) could make over the Quaker Oatmeal to go bars (apple cinnamon). They are so good but I wish I knew how to make them!
Mmmm, cookies (:
Hahah! That question from Gigi about Hammer Pants is too funny, where did she come up with that?
Random question, how many of the recipes seen on the blog are making it into the cookbook? I’m sure there are a ton we haven’t had the pleasure of seeing yet, of course. You’re constantly coming up with incredible recipes, its so impressive.
I think it will end up a pretty even mix of old and new. I wanted to do the majority new, but there were so many good ones from the blog that I didn’t want to leave out just because they weren’t new. Plus, I’d like my favorite recipes from other blogs in book form anyway, so I didn’t think you guys would mind.
Never would have noticed the misspellings…there are too many letters in those words to notice when 1 is wrong, haha. The texture of those cookies sounds amazing!! A little chew, a little crunch…chocolate..yum! Again, so very happy Rachael is doing better!!!
I wonder where G heard the term ‘hammer pants’?! I haven’t seen those in a long, LONG time. Great cookie recipe… it’s in the ‘try me’ pile
SO. EXCITED. FOR. YOU.
amazing, amazing, amazing.
Hey, acknowledgment is a hard word to spell (hopefully I did it right just now) so you’re entitled to make a mistake on that one. Constantly signing my emails “Dinaa,” however, is a little embarrassing.
Con cookies sound so good! And what a cute name. But I wonder what would be in “Pro cookies”?
I’m so excited about your book I can hardly stand it!
Hammer Pants! Oh my! That’s hilarious and adorable. Congratulations on finishing the book!
Can’t wait to read it! I’m so excited for you!
So the boy and I randomly decided to try Almond Milk. We are now in love ( with the milk, not each other) and can’t wait to make some con cookies!
The fact that you used tranny and shiv in the same post makes you my bloggy hero. The cookie recipe is just a bonus.
Congratulations on finishing up your book edits! And if it makes you feel any better, I work with non-profit organizations all day long, and constantly talk to them about their Acknowledgment letters – and I could never spell it correclty. Now I have a shortkey saved, so when I type “Ack” it automatically spells Acknowledgment.
And I’m not sure how you were spelling it, but a variant of Acknowledgment is Acknowledgement… and I think they are both considered “correct”. At least according to Dictionary.com
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/acknowledgement
Your girls are hysterical
ps. I hope that NO ONE ever wears hammer pants again. I dont care how good they look on models. they are made for MC himself and MC himself only.
Con cookies and hammer pants – I just want to echo (almost verbatim) the comment right before this and say that you’re officially awesome. Con cookies, hammer pants and a stab at transvestite hair choices? Rock on, good woman!
I didn’t know that penitentiaries had private butchers. A whole new world of food service might have just opened up, though I’ll pass on the hacking animals angle. Prison pastry chefs, perhaps?
I promptly made these cookies after reading your post this morning. My son gobbled 2 up after school and said “Mom, I just want to tell you these cookies are awesome”.
Thanks.
Aww, so cute! Pea Daddy just ate three and said, “These are even better the second day!” I hope your son likes them tomorrow too.
Oh how I wish my mom would have made cookies every time she cursed… I would be swimming in baked goods! Well… maybe I’m glad she didn’t actually…
oOoOoOoOoO.
…That’s really my only response to those hammer-panting cookies. Also, so glad to hear that Rachael was at church with you guys!
Sarah these cookies are SO SCRUMPTIOUS!! clearly the girls knew just how yummy they were!!! <3
i seriously cannot wait for your book! ill be the girl waiting at barnesandnobles- tapping at the door telling the one morning employee whose going to be groggy and ticked becuz they were stuck with the morning shift, to hurry up and open becuz i have a vital purchase to make. I might even dress up like a peapod for the occasion (kinda like they do for the harry potter midnight release) or maybe in some hammer pants (if i can figure out what that is exactly)
but seriously…get it on shelves! i cant waittt!! hehe
I am a psychology major, and yet I always seem to spell psychology wrong!!! There is something not right about that.
Yum, to the cookies–those may make the cut for my son’s birthday party. The list is already a mile long from all of these good blogger recipes, so I’m going to have to considerably narrow it down!
these cookies look wonderful!! mmm..i know i say this every time i comment on here but lulus looks are changing so mcuh!! they are both adorable!
I’m super excited for your book!! 
)))
I do believe that my pair of hammer pants is still in a drawer at my mom’s house! I will definitely have to dig them up when I’m home for the holidays!
I remember when hammer pants were in style. I so desperately wanted my mom to buy me a pair, especially when my best friend’s mom bought her a pair. Sadly, I did not get mine. Which actually…might be a good thing.
I know it shows in the pictures but in the recipage page, it doesn’t say when to put in the chocolate chips, I know it probably doesn’t matter, but just thought I would let you know
I’m glad you’re dad is fine!!! Making these cookies right now.