Crap Day
It really wasn’t a terrible day. There was just far too much poop involved for my liking.
We were supposed to go on a field trip with Gigi’s preschool class to the Enchanted Forest, but it was pouring down rain when we woke up, and this hair-obsessed mother wasn’t about to brave the elements or worse yet, try to convince Gigi to wear long pants, just so we could trudge around looking at 1970′s nursery rhyme characters.
Groovy crap.
So to make it up to Madonna and Punky Brewster, I offered to take them to a local indoor park, that has a community sandbox, community kiddie toys, a community bounce room and community play equipment. Did you catch “community?”
Before we left, though, I pressed some tofu.
It occurred to me that this has become the equivalent of my mom pulling out a package of ground beef and defrosting it in the sink. I’m pretty sure that’s not regulation food handling.
As soon as we went into the “kids club,” I regretted it.
Apparently we walked in in the middle of a nose-picking and loogie-hocking competition because I was hard-pressed to find a kid that didn’t have a finger up his nose or a case of acute bronchitis. The girls headed off to play, and I parked myself on a bench next to a guy I swear I knew from traffic court.
While Lulu groped as many infected toys as possible,
Gigi hit the jump room, with bare feet (ugh),
and I people watched (otherwise known as passing judgment). I did observe that while booger-eating was completely acceptable at this fine establishment, peanut-eating was not. There were a good twenty signs demonizing nuts posted throughout the facility.
Someone should have told my bench buddy. I let the girls run around the petri dish for a good thirty minutes and then decided to round them up. As soon as I was within about twelve feet of Lulu, I could tell she hadn’t just filled a pail in the sandbox.
We headed to the doorless bathroom, which was really just a formality considering the condition of the rest of the place, and I discovered that the situation was far worse than I had anticipated. The measly six baby wipes I’d brought didn’t even make a dent in the mess I had on my hands…and the changing table and Lulu’s clothes. A word of wisdom: pink tulle netting and poop are not a kind combination. Frilly crap.
Parents and kids walked by while Lulu’s nasty bum hung up in the air and I furiously ripped brown paper towels from the dispenser like it was free money. Charmin it was not. Suddenly the crap-covered changing tables had turned and I was the one with the disgusting child garnering dirty looks from more attentive and prepared parents. Arm-deep crap.
The girls and I left, and though Lulu was only moderately cleaned up, I decided to stop at the store for a few ingredients for tonight’s recipes. I do it for you, people. It was after finding a prime parking spot that I looked down and realized that Lulu was not the only one who was only moderately cleaned up. A second word of wisdom: blue cashmere and poop are not a kind combination. Especially if you have no more baby wipes. Luxury crap.
And that, my friends, is how I bought cilantro wearing crap. We returned home to bathe in Clorox and start dinner. Luckily, this is not a nut free zone.
Nut Butter Crusted Tofu
Inspired by Angela’s Nut Butter Crusted Parsnip Fries
- 1 package extra-firm tofu, drained and pressed
- 1 T. almond butter
- 2 T. natural peanut butter
- 1 T. soy sauce
- 1 T. water
- 1T organic sugar or stevia equivalent
Preheat oven to 400 and coat a cookie sheet with non-stick spray. Combine all ingredients except tofu in a large bowl.
Spread a thin layer of nut butter mix on each side of tofu.
Arrange tofu slices on cookie sheet and bake for ten minutes on each side.
We served ours atop a book-destined salad, with cilantro, of course.
And for dessert…well, I Googled “constipating foods.” I’ve got to go slap together some banana, rice, cheese and iron supplement sundaes for the kiddos. Crap corks.
Sorry for the crap post.
I had to laugh when I read the part about mom defrosting the ground beef in the sink. Oh good times, good times! My fam did that many a time.
Awesome use of the nut butter goodness!
ahaha your google search at the end is the best. thanks for the reminder of why i only have dogs.. for now.. they just poop out in the yard and sometimes the roommate’s dog eats it. or marshall scoops it up.
I’m so glad my younger siblings are all out of their “poop” phases. I recall having a couple similar situations.
Can’t wait to try that tofu!
Living in the Northwest, I am definitely grateful for the indoor play options- especially with the yucky spring we are having. But, I swear, I want to bathe my kids in hand sanitizer when we leave.
crap corks?! bahahaha i love it…potty jokes STILL make me laugh harder than anything else!
I am sorry for the crap day. But thank you for the complete honesty it is very refreshing! This is one reason I love to read your blog. Its real!!
Yeehaw another tofu recipe for me to try! I think I might try this with cashew butter in honor of my beloved Cashew Ginger Tofu.
what a poopy day! I would definitely not be a fan of that place. I’m such a germaphobe!
CRAP CORKS!! hahaha OMG. Amazing!!
I’m literally gagging. OMG you poor thing, and poor Lulu!
Does Enchanted Forest have plastic keys that you put in the box to hear the Fairy Tale stories? I remember a place like that from my childhood but can’t remember where it was. It might have been at the SF Zoo, but I do remember Fairy Tale scenarios (which I LOVED).
you are making me feel better to know i’m not the only one with poop problems at home. i cleaned up poop, blood, and urine all in one hour yesterday.
Hahahaha. So glad I’m not the only one who finds indoor play areas icky!
Hope today is a ‘poop -free ‘ day for you girl!!!!
I love this tofu recipe!!!!!!! I will have to make this!! Yummy!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have a great day today! xoxo
Oh my mom STILL pulls out meat to defrost as such. I don’t know how I can ever be a mom when it comes to crap.
I get to try this tonight, woohoo! I had a staring contest last night with a package of tofu in my fridge, which was defying me to find something fun to use it for. The tofu won, I was not feeling very cook-y last night.
what did they eat for breakfast, prunes? EEK! hope you bought a good detergent, a strong smelling one too. Sorry about the crappy day, maybe tomorrow they will hold everything in. HA!
Is the tofu just as good as the root veggie fries? I am addicted to Nut Butter Parsnip Fries at the moment but it never occurred to me to try this on tofu. Brilliant!
Hahaha. Oh, the BRAT diet.
Sorry for the crap day!
LOL, omg that’s a hilariously craptastic story. Oddly enough, I have similar stories about our cats, lol.
That tofu looks like dessert. I’m sure the soy sauce confirms that it’s not, though. lol
Jenn
Duly noted on the tutus not mixing well with diaper changes. I can just picture all the madness.
I have never seen “nut free zone” signs. That seems a little extreme. I get the reasoning behind it, but seriously there are probably other health cautions to worry about that are more likely in child play places like that.
Ack! I’d laugh if I couldn’t imagine being in the same horrible situation! Glad you made it home alive!!
Every mother’s nightmare…
This post has so many gold moments, from the “defrosting of ground beef” to the “crap corks…” thanks for the laugh! And the recipe, it sounds fantastic.
LOL it’s like the anti hug-a-fat sign!
).
I think your tofu looks amazing; writing that one down (well not really… thank goodness for copy/paste. It saves my hand a lot of writing
Lol….sounds like a crap-tastic day, alright. I’m sending this along to my sister who has a two-month old girl. Just so that she can see what to look forward to.
Sh*t happens, right? I would imagine that was hard to clean up…I hope today is sunnier and filled with much better smelling things!
only you, MamaPea, make reading about your children’s bowel movements entertaining.. another winning post! : )
I have so much poop – I mean fun – to look forward to!! Teehee…I can’t wait. You seemed to handle it all very well…i’m not sure I would’ve gone to the grocery store after that! However, I so appreciate you doing so because that tofu looks scrumptious! Not sure where that word came from, but man does it ever. Then again peanut/almond butter with anything always floats my boat.
Oh my goodness! I applaud you for dealing with all the crap and still making a delicious dinner
My husband thaws meat out on the counter, ew…pretty sure he’s asking for food poisioning.
hahaha. awww Lulu!!
and WOW, in that first picture… they BOTH look SO GROWN UP from just a year ago!! my goodness!!! It is amazing!!
OMG! LOL! So funny! Loved this story!
I’m pretty sure that crap corks is the best phrase ever. And a statement that has been said around our house many times is, “Let’s get bunged up with cheese!”, which means we are about to get a cheese fest going. Side effects be damned. I hope that today is not another crap day!
… i can totally relate – my boys are 2 and 3 and we’ve had many pooptastic days… i love your blog and just wanted you to know. have a fabulous day!
What. A. Day. Gotta love those indoor play parks *shudder*
I am positively giddy about this tofu recipe and cannot wait to try! Thank-you for sharing. When does your book come out? I am a huge fan of your recipes and will def be picking up a copy!
As a mother of three, I have had many “crap” days. Oh the joys of diaper changing a toddler in a public restroom.
Ewwww..this made me cringe lol..I am not a mother but I do take care of kids all day. The worst is when they stick their hands down their nappies and they end up being covered in poop…all over their arms, hands, bum, legs..and then all over wherever they choose to wipe said poop. YUCKKKK
Aw…haha…this made me cringe and laugh all at the same time.
At least you kept a positive attitude through the whole ordeal!
It was totally a CRAP day for me too.
My 9 month old took off his poopy diaper, ugh yeah that was fun.
Mhm. I love you. It was one of those days where I needed some birth control to slap down babyfever.
Oh, to be a mom! And I thought cleaning up after my dog was bad.
Ohhhh this post is just full of awesomeness!!! I mean except for the part where you got poo on your sweater…I only sort of laughed. I can’t imagine going to one of those play places. I think I would throw up…and then I’d have poop from the kids + my own throw up to deal with. Punky brewster + Madonna look like they had a splendid time though, so I guess that’s what counts! I seriously have never cooked with tofu…and just started eating it occasionally. This recipe might force me to buy a block!
is it sad that i think a crap filled day in a petri dish might still be better than enchanted forest!!??!?!
im lmao!!!! do you make this stuff up?!! too good! lololol i luv u and ur blog. always always makes me smile:-) oxoxo
I wish I were making this up.
I totally did a spit take on my monitor over “crap corks.”
Hope you have a better than ‘craptastic’ day today.
I literally was crying i was laughing so hard. when does your book come out?
The plan is Spring 2011…but I’ll keep you all posted!
Haha, you might have to tip your dry cleaner when you drop off that sweater. Luxury crap –> Cow pie.
oh my stars I am STILL laughing ! I have always felt the same way about those play areas, they just look … infested. I still say if I ever have kids They Will Not Play There.
and your tofu looks delicious. we are having company starting today YAY, and I think I’ll try this!
look forward to your book, you are Fun To Read!!
So glad your “crappy” ended with such a scrumptious meal. That tofu and salad look so good!!!!!!! I know I”m going to have some of that tofu in my future!!
I love this idea! I am so obsessed with those nut butter fries now so I’m happy to see a delicious variation on the idea. The possibilities are endless!
hahahaahah OMG you are such a fabulous writer!! i love your little stories and how you incorporate your recipes into the whole mix of things! i saw angelas recipe for the fries, but i LOVE tofu! so I will def give this a shot!!
I think you stole this idea right out of my head
don’t take this the wrong way, but hearing poop and cashmere in the same sentence was all birth control i needed. definitely no kids in this lady’s future anytime soon
I literally just said oh my God over and over again throughout that entire post. the joys of motherhood huh? I love that you still stopped for food, because I would imagine I would do the same!
this brought back so many memories. how sad that my occupation is actual preparing me for mommy-dom. how many times have a walked around covered in sh!t wondering why i cant escape the smell…and then realizing i was the source. nast.
oh and the people on the plane ahead of us on the way to cabo had 3 boys, all under the age of 5, all with nut allergies, and the mom was her own kinda nut(job)…asking the flight attendants, crew, pilots, passengers about the food on board. needless to say, we were in the row behind them and i had a bag of trail mix (with peanuts) and Kyle had a bag of honey roasted peanuts. so yeah, those stayed in the backpack. i had no desire to do some mcgrubber style intubation on a 1 year old in the plane’s aisle with a pen and a drink straw.
I loved this post. I don’t even have kids and I’ve been the crap covered one more than I’d care to admit (and not my own crap).
So sorry about your crappy day Mama Pea. That community indoor playground sounds almost as bad as the local dog park. I almost hate taking my dogs there as I feel it’s full of germs and yucky dogs, but sometimes, I just gotta let them run off some energy…and they love it.
Your salad looks so good – I’m loving peanuts lately. Almond? Nah, not so much. Love, HEP (Heather Eats Peanuts)
oh my stars I am STILL laughing ! I have always felt the same way about those play areas, they just look … infested. I still say if I ever have kids They Will Not Play There.
and your tofu looks delicious. we are having company starting today YAY, and I think I’ll try this!
look forward to your book, you are Fun To Read!!