Twisted Sisters
Gigi has some birthday money burning a hole in her tutu, so this morning the girls and I went shopping.
When my mom took me shopping as a kid, it meant loading into the minivan, turning on some Michael Bolton and heading to the mall. I was in awe of the bright, shiny mirage of lit storefronts, well-dressed people toting their shopping bags up and down escalators and toasty, buttery salt-studded pretzels accompanied by paper cups filled with creamy, orange technicolor “cheese.” These days the mall is a dull, tacky line of overpriced retailers, scantily-dressed teenagers toting their cell phones and half-covered asses up and down the escalators… and toasty, buttery salt-studded pretzels accompanied by paper cups filled with creamy, orange technicolor “cheese.” So we loaded into the SUV, turned on Taylor Swift and headed to the Target a short mile from our house. Sing fast, Taylor.
We returned and dressed scantily in our new purchases. The average five year-old buys toys or candy with her birthday money, mine buys nightgowns for herself and her sister.
Lulu had her eye on a strawberry covered negligee, but I vetoed that in a caffeine-free heartbeat.
But what about those tantalizing yeasty twists of carbs bedazzled with salt? Today, girls, we make our own.
Vegan Soft Pretzels
Makes 4 large twists
- 3/4 c. warm water (110 to 115 degrees
- 2 t. organic sugar
- 1 t. salt
- 1 t. active dry yeast (1/2 of a packet)
- ~2 1/2 c. unbleached all-purpose flour
- 2 T. vegan margarine (i.e. Earth Balance), melted
- 10 c. water
- 2/3 c. baking soda
- coarse ground sea salt
Combine water, sugar and salt in the bowl of a stand mixer. Sprinkle yeast on top and let sit until foamy, about five minutes. Add melted vegan margarine and flour, and using a dough hook, knead dough for five minutes, adding more flour if necessary, until dough is smooth and no longer sticky.
Transfer dough to an oiled bowl and let rise for an hour. While our dough rose, we practiced.
I knew the obstacle was going to be getting the dough long enough to actually make shapes with.
Lulu came equipped with a ruler. I’m fighting every urge not to make a joke about her future dating habits right here.
I felt I was up for the challenge.
Once dough has risen, separate it into four sections.
Using your hands, floured if necessary, roll dough into a 24 inch long strand, and shape into a pretzel knot.
Transfer pretzels to a baking sheet that has been lined with parchment paper that has been sprayed with non-stick spray.
Gigi had her own visions, including “butterfly,” and “flower.”
Let’s say it’s a flower and not something that would disappoint Lulu on a date.
Lulu proudly announced, “I’m going to make mine in the shape of a truck driver!”
Not a truck, a truck driver.
Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Bring water and baking soda to a boil, and drop a pretzel in one at a time, boiling for approximately 30 seconds.
Remove pretzel with a spider or a slotted spatula and transfer to a baking sheet that has been sprayed with non-stick spray. Repeat for remaining pretzels and sprinkle with sea salt.
Bake pretzels for 12-14 minutes.
What happened to our other pretzels? Well once the girls saw that their creations were going to be dropped into a pot of boiling water, they weren’t having it. Do you see the glistening tear on Lulu’s face?
Gigi just couldn’t wait,
Lulu did what I was dying to do when she was screaming for her dough back,
and I got the mustard ready.
Despite their dramatic reaction to the method of production, the girls weren’t shy to scarf down my callous disregard on a plate.
This doesn’t bode well for their future as vegetarians. Heck, a cannibalistic Lulu already wants to eat truck drivers, and those things are pumped full of all sorts of questionable chemicals.
They ate the “G,” one of the twists and were headed for the final one before I stepped in and rescued it for Pea Daddy.
I’m going to go serve it to him in a strawberry negligee. Now where’s that ruler?
Only you would make a post about shopping and pretzels absolutely hilarious and engaging! I now have plans to make pretzels tomorrow with my little sister, and maybe she’ll also learn some life lessons via the ruler
Bahaha you are a riot! My favorite photo? The one of Gigi showing you the dough in her mouth. Or maybe the “tower.”
The tower as my fav photo NOT in her mouth (!!!!) Ahhh!
Ah yes, nothing like the Siren call (smell?) of Auntie Anne’s. So intoxicating. It’s been years since I last made soft pretzels from scratch–I think it was during my frenzied baking kick as a 16 year old. Anyway, thanks for the recipe!
LOL. Peas + Thank You girls gone wild today!!! The pretzels look amazing and as always, thanks for putting a good end to my night!
hahahaaaa!!!! Hilarious!!! That is so adorable Gigi bought Lulu a nightgown, too!! What a good sis.
Love soft pretzels! Hate the mall! Perfect solution, yay!
Jenn
hehe too funny
and homemade pretzels – girl I am IMPRESSED!!!
Oh yummmm. I love doughy pretzels, they so so good, esp when they just come out of the oven. + can’t forget the ‘flower’ that looks rather ummm phalic. Hahaha
You are hilarious.
What a fun activity for your girls! I used to love making pretzels as a kid.
Freakin’ hilarious. You’re going to give Chelsea Handler a run for a her money
Baahahah the girls must laugh all day long with you! Those pretzels look awesome.
I always love your humor, cracks me up !!! Im loving these pretzels!!! Ahhhhhhhh I always enjoy reading your posts first thing in the morning, a great way to start the day!!!
Have a wonderful day girl!!! xoxo
ahhh ha haha! Never a dull day in the Pea Family. Are you going to start selling your pretzles at the mall? hehe!
I think I might have woken up my apartment neighbors while reading this post – so funny
The pretzels look fantastic!
I love that you show the girls that absolutely nothing is off limits in the Vegan world. I remember making soft pretzels when I was a little girl and LOVED the entire experience! Plus, they taste amazing!
Glad you guys had a fun day.
The pretzels look incredibly yummy. The girls are a riot. Love Lulu’s pretzel the best. This post gave me a good chuckle this morning.
“Sing fast, Taylor.”
I laughed out loud at that one. Your girls are so cute. They always look so happy and smiley. I love that.
I’m going to gain 20 pounds, I swear. My middle kid is 15 and vegan and we’ve made something from your blog every day since I stumbled upon it. Yesterday was Chocolate Marble Cupcakes and holy moly they are SO good. More importantly, Emma and I are having a great time cooking and baking together and it’s all stuff she can eat too. Thank you!
Now pretzels are on my list…and yeah, flower? I believe I once did a similar thing and called it “rocket ship”
How sweet that Gigi wanted to buy a nightgown for her sister too. They are too cute!
Those pretzels look delicious. All things carby sound amazing to me right now (in my first trimester…you know the drill). That one pretzel shape that could “disappoint on a date” had me cracking up!
hahaha lulu ALWAYS has a little piece of food on her precious face!!!
I wonder if you made a large batch if they would freeze/thaw well.
Thanks for the laugh! I needed it since I’m stuck at the car dealership while my car is worked on… :-/ Anyway, those homemade pretzels look amazing and way better than those ones from the mall and I know waaaaay healthier!!
Great recipe! I used to love “mall pretzels” so this is definitely a keeper.
omg i totally have to make those! they look awesome! i could totally replicate the ones i had with pumpkin seeds in miami…so tasty!
Oh I’m totally making these this weekend! We love pretzels and Scott has been begging for me to make some. Hooray! Nice job Mama Pea!
Oh my Peas!
We are in for a real treat when your book is finished.
After eating one of your secret recipes at your house today , I couldn’t resist another on the drive home.
I ate the small one.
After dinner, I heard the large one calling my name, so I made Poppy share his with me.
I think these are one of the best, if not the best desserts I have ever eaten.
Maybe a restaurant down the road?
Love you Muffin,
Mimi
p.s. Any you know whats left?
I’ll be down in a heartbeat!
You crack me up Mama Pea !
Your kids are so dang cute. And, homemade pretzels?!? You’re amazing!
OMG you crack me up-the future dating habits comment is too good! You say what we are all thinking and for that I applaud you. I am a fellow vegan and have been reading your blog for a while now and I love it-keep up the good work!
THANK YOU for starting my morning off with a smile and a laugh :> Those pretzels look tasty! And that’s so sweet that Gigi bought nightgowns with her b-day cash. Precious moments
Yay! You’re back! Where have I been? Congrats on the blog. And forgive me for the obsessiveness with which I will attempt to catch up on all prior posts!
oh geeze..that ruler picture is too much lol
Pretzels!!! PB and I have been dying to make our own for, um, well years! Maybe this will be just the kick we need to give it a go!
Those pretzels look yummy!!!
hahaha this whole post was too funny. Oh silly girls….
Omg, lol.
I will be making these some time this week, delicious!
I’m always amused by what Gigi decides to cook in. Today it’s the night gown…or could be her bathing suit, or her tutu! She is one lucky girl for having a Mom who lets her cook in her own style!
Pretzles+pajamas. I want to hang out with you and your daughters.
I’d rather go to Target than the mall any day! Your girls are too darn cute – fancy Gigi buying a nightgown for herself and Lulu. What a good sister!
Even better idea to make your own pretzels! You’re a genius!!
Oh my gosh, how sweet! I would never have spent my birthday money on my sister!
The pretzels look great. My mom makes homemade pretzels every Christmas. I look forward to them more than Christmas cookies.
i’m making these immediately…holy YUM! will you adopt me? i promise to sing songs and dance and love unicorns and princesses…
That ruler comment had me cracking up. You better watch out for the type of men Lulu will bring home, something tells me she has a thing for truck drivers.
I worked at Auntie Annes for far to long as a teen so I know all that goes into making those things. I love the vegan version.
But you need to work on the wrist motion to get the double twist so they hold together perfectly. Its a skill that took me 6 months to learn. You did a wonderful job for just a bit of practice
Okay, if your book is half as funny as your posts, you are going to have to take a comedy tour on as well as a book tour… With Gigi and Lulu in tow of course! The recipes you put out never cease to amaze me. Lulu is turning into a little Mama Pea, she looks exactly like you in the pic of her laughing! Thanks for brightening my day dude!
Just bookmarked this post!! Can’t wait to make those.
Baahaha! Oh, how I love this blog.
Seriously? When I read the line about Lulu and the ruler I felt like my funny bone exploded!
I laughed so hard reading today’s post…..loved it!!
Those pretzels looked so good. Hmm, that might be a good mom/son bonding event with my son.
You better watch that one. Making and judging the size of “flowers” is something I would have done as a kid and let’s just say it’s a miracle this Mexican isn’t a grandmother at 26…
Ohhhh my….. the shapes! So funny.
LOL!! You are too much! I so enjoy reading your posts, they make my paper pushing days so much more enjoyable!
that post was hilarious and those look amazing!
The girls are going to love looking back on these memories; these are going to be great stories to tell their prom dates!
(before long it’s going to be twitter sisters once they’re up on social media)
I love the shapes
and the fact that you are so good with making bread the vegan way!
The recipe says 10 c water, but surely this isn’t right?
Are you skimming my posts?! The nerve.
The 10 c. of water is simply for boiling the pretzels. But I’m sure you can find at least five other mistakes if you look hard. 
Homemade pretzels? Must make. Considering I devoured half a bag of Rold Gold’s during Glee last night…
love the humor
I think it was such a good idea to practice with the play-doh first. I made pretzels once but could not for the life of me get the shape right. Eventually, I got the hang of it but it took me forever!
The ruler and Lulu. I die! hahah
I love your blog and never post but I had to tell you that my boyfriend and I were laughing and crying at that “flower” pretzel. You are such a great and funny writer!
Thank you, Jaimie!
As a native New Yorker, soft pretzels have a special place in my heart, right next to Brooklyn rats so big that they could be cats (not quite as fluffy). Stale, fresh, I love them all. Thank you for a happy food memory.
Yummy! I’ve actually never made pretzels but pretzels and mustard were my favorite snack like my entire life.
Your daughters are cracking me up. haha
i love you. that’s all.
I just love, love, love your blog! I have a questionable question!!
I know you do not calories, carbs, fat etc but was wondering if you had any idea what one pretzel would be calorie wise?? My boyfriend is a calorie limit diet from his doctor & nutritionist, but I REALLY think he would enjoy these oh so much!!!!
I just know he needs to have an idea of what he is consuming for his food logs!
Any help would be very appreciated!!!
I would estimate between around 260 calories per pretzel (200 cal. for 1/2 c. flour, 50 cal. for 1/2 T. of Earth Balance, 8 cal. for 1/2 t. sugar). Hope that helps!