Me So Sneaky
Maybe it’s twisted, but I take great pleasure in deceiving my children. It’s one of the joys of being in charge of the gullible (which I think is Joe Simpson’s official job title).
I don’t feel a bit guilty for pushing all the Smarties and Sweet Tarts on the “Treat Fairy,” for calling birthmarks “angel kisses,” or for saying that a cranky crab lives up in your nose and will pinch your finger if it travels too far into his home. That’s my personal favorite. I also take a lot of joy out of buying the girls exactly what they want for their birthday, hiding it and then telling them I couldn’t find it. Gigi’s birthday is Sunday, and though we couldn’t find ballerina princess Barbie doll that comes with Barbie-sized princess jewelry, Easy Bake Oven, roller skates and their Gigi-sized counterparts, we did get her a bike.
Pea Daddy very carefully put it together last night, under my watchful eye. Imagine the pressure of having your perfectionist-wife hovering over you armed with an instructional guide, a giant wrench and a suffocating cloud of doubt. I wouldn’t want to be married to me, I tell you that much. (“What are you doing? Taking off the brakes?! Are you trying to kill her?”) Perhaps it was out of frustration, but Pea Daddy flung the tag to the flowered bike basket across the room at one point. I choose to believe he was trying to get a game of Ultimate Frisbee going…with the cat…at 10:30 p.m.
I thought nothing of it, until this morning when Gigi came downstairs, looked around the living room and asked, “Where did you hide my bike?”
“Pardon me?”
“My bike. Where is it?”
“What makes you think we got you a bike?”
“This!” and she thrust Pea Daddy and Maggie’s sporting good of choice under my nose.
Oops. I just hope she doesn’t go poking around in the garage too much.
She can poke around in this guacamole all she wants, though and she’ll never find what’s hidden inside.
White Bean Guacamole
- One 15 ounce can Great Northern White Beans
- 1 large avocado
- 2 T. chopped onion
- 1/2 c. fresh cilantro
- 1 T. lemon juice
- 1 clove garlic, minced
- 1/2 t. cumin
- 1/2 t. salt
- Few grinds ground black pepper
Combine all ingredients in a high speed blender (did you know I have one?) and blend until smooth.
I’m not going to say it. Okay, I am. Oh. My. Peas. My two great loves Ryan Reynolds and Matthew McConaughey hummus and guacamole have become one gorgeous dip of my dreams. I didn’t think any guac could top Chipotle’s, but this is just as creamy yet without the red onion chunks in there mucking it up (as if Carrot Top popped in with Ryan and Matt). Yee.
I fear we have similar hairstyles and eyebrow grooming habits.
I’ve got one more thing I need to hide today: the kindergarten registration packet I picked up against my will.
If we can’t find it, she doesn’t go to school and stays four years old forever right?
My hair looks like that too.
And, aww, my heart just jumped/clenched for you at that kindergarten registration packet! Growing up…ssiiiiighhh!!
Also, I would just like to add that as an educator/mentor of high school students its a secret pleasure of mine to exert my mild authority over them and actually have them LISTEN and BELIEVE when I say, “No you can’t leave the room,” as if my five-to-seven year age difference over them somehow grants me some infinite force of power and authority. It’s all about the power trip, the ability to deceive is.
Hummus + guacamole?! Better than Chipotle?! That’s all you need to say. Vitamix or no Vitamix, I am finding a way to make this soon!
i knew there was a reason i loved gigi so much: Gemini like me!
What a sneaky Pea she is!!! Guac better than chipotle???? I’m hesitant…but I trust you…
Happy Early BDay to Gigi!
Pea Daddy can put together bikes? That’s light yrs ahead of things ’round here. I tried to put together skylar’s pink trike last month, dropped a metal rod on my foot and almost broke it. The swear jar got real rich (kidding, I dont have one) but cussed like a sailor and brought the whole she-bang to a bike shop where they put together a pink trike.
I hope she loves her bike!!!
And the hummus/guac combo..nice. Red onion sucks IMO and so glad you didnt use it
That dip is GENIUS!!! I teach 12 year olds and tricking them into doing things that I want, as in listening in general, is magical =).
LOL, cloud of doubt. Love it! Using it. Going to rain all sorts of skepticism on hubby’s next project.
Mixing beans with avocado is brilliant. Have to try that.
Jenn
I know some kids who would go crazy for this combo. Thanks MamaPea.
I think homeschooling is in order.
Have a fantastic Friday.
Ha! She is so smart. Hope she have a great birthday weekend!
Oh! I’m getting emotional for you and having to sign your baby up for kindergarten. I definitely wish they could stay little forever. Well, besides those times where they use fingerpaints to decorate their clothes or something. You know what I mean.
The dip looks amazing. Hummus and guacamole are my two favorites as well. To have them all in one? Genius.
awwwww……it would be nice if they stayed 4 forever, huh?
Once they start reading and understanding what they’re reading though-it’s all over
No more spelling out things to your hubby that you don’t want her to know about.
No more leaving magazines lying around that have the word SEXY on the front. Try explaining what sexy means to a 5 year old. UGH.
Anyway, happy early birthday to Gigi
YUM that sounds fabulous
I’m with Lara in that I have no Vitamix, but am going to damn well find a way to create that deliciousness somehow (or maybe just mix in a tub of hummus to a mashed avocado–we’ll see.)
Anyway, your bike story reminds me of when I was little, in that we got my mom a bike. I’m not good at keeping secrets and she was joking around one day with, “So where did you hide the bike you got me for my birthday?” No big deal.
I proceeded to burst into tears and tell her exactly where it was, what it looked like and what is cost. I think that’s the last time I’ve cried, actually…
Anyway, I think Gigi will be teaching her kindergarten class by the second week. And Carrot Top is creepy.
Lol– that is one sneaky girl! I can’t believe she found the tag! And the crab in the nose thing…I’m going to have to remember that when I have kids of my own.
That guac looks delicious! I’m guessing the recipe would work in a food processor too?
Oh my gosh…kindergarten. Good luck Mama!
Awww Lulu is getting so big already!!!
My mom used to hide our Christmas gifts in my Nonna’s room. I always found them, unwrapped them to check them out, and wrapped them back up. I was such a punk!
Hilarious
I’m going to have to try that guac. I’ve got an avocado staring me down from the fruit bowl as we speak! Have a great day, Mama Pea.
I’ve got to make that guac/hummus recipe! Sounds delicious!
Aww, you’ll love seeing Gigi grow and learn in kindergarten!
Ryan loved his bike…until we took off the training wheels. It’s so weird, he can ride the thing but refuses to without the training wheels. It could also be that it’s the smallest bike they had because he got it for his 3rd birthday and now his knees are dragging on the ground. Possibly time for an upgrade. Anyway, I hear you on the kindergarten thing. I registered Ryan but I’m in denial. Luckily he’s going to kindergarten at the same school as his preschool so it won’t be so traumatic…for me. See you Sunday MP!
hahah…such an observant child. or a sneaker!
yay for kindergarten! at least you won’t make the same mistake my mom did: one day she sent the wrong twin to school, and no one noticed until the afternoon that the wrong one was there on the wrong day. HILARIOUS.
OMG, I didn’t know who Joe Simpson was. Now that I googled him, I can’t stop laughing. I love your humor and recipes!
hahahahaha…i love how you said you wouldn’t want to be married to you…i wouldn’t want to be married to ME, that’s for sure! thank goodness my husband does though
i like the beans in the guac idea! i think i might try that in my next batch and see if anyone notices 
Oh I’m totally making this recipe tonight in my slow speed blender and praying it works
How did you ever live without your Vita?
It was an empty and meaningless existence.
when i saw this i was like OUH! i have a super ripe avocado! instead of white beans i used chickpeas (all i had). into the vitalicious maker it went and viola. thanks for sharing!
Such a smart child! How cute! Can’t wait to try your guacamole–thanks for sharing.
Ahhh…… little bikes. I am a nanny and RAN OVER one on Monday. No kids were harmed, and somehow, instead of blaming the careless driver, the little girl got mad at her brother for “forgetting to move it.” Fine by me!
I promise to stay away from Gigi’s.
oh no! school blues! find some other moms and have “Kleenex and kindergarten” time together the first day.
kids can smell a new purchase or a fun toy; I hope that bike stays hidden!
kids are so sneaky and pick up on the craziest things! i remember working at an afterschool in college and these kids were SO beyond smart!! She will LOVe the bike!! and I will love making some of that white bean guac!
Is it just me, or does Carrot Top look like he’s sporting a seriously muscular, attractive body?
Maybe there’s hope for him yet (if he wears a bag on his head).
You definitely hid that bike well! My mom has a drawer in her bathroom where she “hides” our presents. haha
I love that you call birthmarks angel kisses.
I also love that guac recipe! I once added baby lima beans to an avocado and it tasted delicious, so I’ll bet the white beans do too. Must try it soon!
Making this weekend. The end.
OMG guac & beans……..yummy!!
I wish I would have thought to hide the kindergarten packet. My daughter is graduating this year. What happened to the Kindergartner I sent off to school the first day…….ahh the memories.
Ok, I think you’re the best mommy ever! And I can’t believe Gigi’s going to be in kindergarten!! Such a fun year!!
Oh great!! I knew I bought avocados at the store for a reason!
I love the white bean guacamole idea! Beans are such a wonderful, versatile ingredient. My sister Diana Judge told me to look you up, she loves your blog too! Keep up the great work.
my cousin’s daughter is getting a bike for her birthday next weekend too!
i get to do the helmet fitting. it should be interesting.
(ps make sure you get gigi a helmet, and that someone fits it properly, ok? i judge when kids helments aren’t on right. a lot)
It’s funny you mention the helmet, because that has also been a point of contention in our house which may have precipitated the cardboard throwing as well.
Brilliant guac recipe…great way to super-size the protein by adding the beans! Yum, will try!
Oh, and Happy Birthday to Gigi, aka “Princess of Peaville”…with her co-princess, Lulu, she will have no trouble unwrapping all her goodies.
p.s. I stand over my husband as he puts things together too. He hates it (bwahaha)
Oh I wish I could stay young forever!!
Wishing Gigi the best birthday weekend ever!!!
Thanks for another amazing recipe ; )
Sorry I am so late- I am so behind on my blog reading, but for what it is worth: HAPPY BIRTHDAY to your darling girl! Have a great weekend! You should really write a post on marriage, communication, making it work etc. You truly enjoy each others’ company ( you and pea daddy) and are such a fantastic example of what a true commited family unit looks like!
Tried the guac this weekend and it was a big hit! Thanks!