Attachment Issues
Thank you all for the congratulations and well wishes on my last post. Every single comment meant so much to me. I have hired a contractor to come raise our ceilings to allow room for my spacious head. I tried to answer all the questions you posed in the comments, so check there if you’d like more details. I’m happy you all are so excited because I am too. I’ll keep you posted on new developments as they arise, but for now I’m going to keep working hard to make the book as wonderful as it can possibly be!
Back to your regularly scheduled lunacy…
You may recall a few months ago I was hanging out in unsavory places on the internet offering up a few non-vital organs for a replacement for Lulu’s blankie.
My quest has been rekindled due to further wear and tear. “Tear” literally means “tear” in this case,
and “wear” means having your big sister laugh so hard at having your mom sticking drinking straws in her nose that she wets herself when “herself” was sitting on Blankie.
While I think a Cinderella dress, a new Princess nightie and continued free room and board are sufficient third birthday gifts, my conscience is still nagging at me to find Lulu a blankie replacement that hasn’t been given an ammonia bath. Though I don’t understand it, I appreciate that she has a deep attachment to this bizarre, crusty, stale smelling old thing. I imagine Melania Trump feels the same way.
In that same vein, I finally got Pea Daddy to give up his bed pillow that he’s had since he was a little kid. Apparently Pea Daddy is older than he lets on, because the tag on the now brown, tattered stank bomb is circa 1946. I nearly lost control of my own bladder when my friend Kalin texted me in all caps one glorious Saturday saying:
“TOMMY BAHAMA BED PILLOWS AT COSTCO!!!”
No matter how old I live to be, no text message will ever top that one. However, do not let this deter you from snapping a phone pic and texting it to me if you are at any time within a 5-foot-radius of a shirtless Matthew McConaughey.
“Are you texting Mama Pea? Tell her to have my bongos waiting for me.”
After Kalin’s fortuitous pillow text, I grabbed effort-free shoes, startled children and decaying Blankies, and before Pea Daddy could blink we were at Costco and I was running in like they were handing out samples of Princess-cut diamond earring studs and Vitamix blenders (note to Pea Daddy: four days, three hours and eighteen minutes until my birthday…).
Assuming I could sew instead of super-gluing any necessary clothing mending, I could have hand-stitched a “TB” and sprayed some Old Spice on a $7 pillow from Target and called it good. Yet that was still the best $20 I’ve ever spent at Costco.
Thankfully two members of our household don’t have these attachment issues to our belongings. Gigi and I just want “new stuff.” It doesn’t even have to be particularly nice new stuff, as evidenced by the $10 shirt I bought at the Nordstrom Rack last night that had I found anywhere else I would have wanted to douse in lighter fluid and send up in flames. I’ll have to check the tag, but that lighter fluid may not even be necessary. The most battered possession I own, other than this baby making, scarred and bruised, hobbledy hunk of a body, is this spatula.
Please tell me you call them spatulas too, because “rubber scraper” just sounds like a really bad time, if you know what I mean. My spatula is one weak toddler bladder and sixty-four years away from being a dingy Blankie or a mangy bag of goose down, but it is essential when making smoothies in a second-rate blender. Come to think of it, I could have saved you a lot of unnecessary reading and might actually be showered by now if I’d titled this post, How to Make Great Blended Drinks When You Have a Lousy Blender.
1. Fill your blender with drink ingredients (in this case, spinach, strawberries, orange juice, almond milk and banana).
2. Despite what common sense, user guides and this guy will tell you, do not put the lid on completely.
(I cannot adequately express the great trepidation I felt as I typed “splatter” and “mess” into my Google image search. I saw things I’ve never seen nor ever care to see again.)
3. With one hand tilt the lid of your second-rate appliance and with the other slip your spatula into your liquid, but not all the way to the bottom of the blender, unless you like pretending that your smoothies are King Cakes and the goal is to find the rubber bits.
4. Working quickly, rest the lid of the blender against your abused utensil and turn the power of the blender on. Move your hand back to the lid, just tilting it far enough to allow the spatula to remain inside.
5. Make long strokes with the spatula, swirling the blender contents around inside while it is blending, but being careful not to let your spatula hit the blades. I like to make circles in a therapeutic way, hum Enya songs and tell the blender, “It’s okay…let it go…I’m here to help you.”
6. At some point the blender just gives up on totally sucking and decides to free the sweet nectar from its blades and actually blends on its own. I reward it with a loving pat on the head, a rainbow sticker and a carousel token.
NOTE: In no event will we be liable for any loss or damage including without limitation, indirect or consequential loss or damage, or any loss or damage whatsoever arising from loss of spatula, rubber consumption, or uncontrollable smoothie splatter made in connection with the use of this website or the highly questionable culinary methods contained therein.
Once a lawyer, always a lawyer.
Lulu, keep that Blankie away from the smoothie. I’d like to hold onto at least one kidney and the auction closes in an hour.
haha… i have that same type of weak blender. i do the same thing, except with a metal spoon.
You are a risk taker by nature. I can tell.
I definitely call it a spatula, too
I’ve been thinking so much about your good news, and besides how wonderful this is for you, I’ve realized how wonderful it is for Gigi & Lulu, too! What a special gift to be able to give to them. I am just so darn excited for you.
Crossing my fingers that Pea Daddy gets the memo on your Vita. You deserve it!
Your post are always wonderfully enjoyable to read. This one was no different. Good luck with the book! I cannot wait to buy it.
Spatula > Spoon > Hand
Simple math.
Why i still use my hand to push down the spinach that won’t blend?
I live life on the edge. And i really hope you get a Vita for your birthday because then you would officially be my hero.
Ahh! Time for a new blender, methinks. But, then again, you wouldn’t have such wonderful material for the eager readers among us. Lulu looks just as thrilled with the end product! Speaking of Lulu, I had a similar situation when I was a toddler — I wore out this little plush pink “dolly” from toting it around everywhere, so much so that my parents eventually bought me another identical one. Of course, I apparently REFUSED that bright, new, clean one and clung to the old, worn (now gray-ish) one. Really, the color difference is frightening. Be prepared for a rebellion!
This is actually a great idea! I would just be afraid of getting scraper…er, spatula…pieces in my smoothie.
I’m not sure that I’m as brave or skilled as you in this fine art of smoothie-making-with-a-budget-blender. But that won’t stop me from trying it!
I have lost quite a few spatulas to bad blenders. Isn’t it fun when you get tiny bits of rubber or plastic in your smoothie. Yes, I was too cheap/lazy/carefree to blend up a new one afterwards!
As a first year law student preparing for exams, I got a HUGE laugh out of your disclaimer about the blender! Your posts never fail to put a smile on my face! And I am soooo excited about your book!
I call them spatulas too
I’ve had great smoothie success by simply putting the spinach underneath the frozen fruit in the blender (like you did in the picture). Somehow my blender almost completely blends the spinach/juice/some water before starting in on the fruit. I have to keep them fairly thin though (with water added through the lid after the pulverizing of the spinach and before the fruit takes too much of a beating)- I’m too afraid the blender will break.
“I have hired a contractor to come raise our ceilings to allow room for my spacious head. ”
hahahahaha Way to get a laugh out of me at this hour in the morning. I didn’t think I had any smiles left
As Lara said, I think it’s wonderful that you’re going to be able to show Lulu and Gigi this book too.
I totally hope you take over the world. <3 Maybe we can fashion Lulu’s Blankie into a crown?
I call it a spatula, and I have had many die. My grandma called it a rubber scraper. But she also called Lowe’s ‘Louie’s’ and Obama ‘Omaha.’ She couldn’t hear squat.
My now 6’1″ baby boy had a flankie he adored…his flankie went everywhere…no sleep without flankie…once, we left it behind at a Denny’s and drove an hour before going back to pick through the trash can to recover said flankie. Our life-changing move to ensure that never happened again was to tear the flankie (which was a small quilt) in half, hide half and give him half. Eventually, he took to carrying around small torn strips of the flankie before abandoning it completely. I still have a piece of flankie in my jewelry box, just in case.
“Spatula”, definitely. Or “rubber spatula” – I’ll snap those words out when I need the rubber version, and my husband keep slapping the metal version in my hands. It’s not surgery we’re doing, but making a smoothie is pretty important, too
Nice job snagging the pillows!
I haven’t got to say it yet, so CONGRATS on your book deal!!! That’s awesome. I’m finally back in the blog world and always love reading your posts.
I just caught up on your post from yesterday!
OMG, A million Congratulations!!!!!! You better believe I will be RUNNING to my bookstore to pick up this. I only hope I can have it autographed someday!
Hey now, there’s only one “plastic bit” in the King Cake, and it’s the baby Jesus! You’re offending my Louisiana sensibilities
Yummy smoothie
Tell Lulu I’m still attached to my bankie. And yes, that’s right, I’m 27 years young.
Just be thankful Pea Daddy likes things like the pillow or clothes from TB. My husband has a weird obsession with collecting metal desks and office chairs from the good will. He is actually discussing how we can rearrange the kids rooms now to put more of this stuff in our house. While I am a fan of the 60′s office furniture…this has become a little much! The smoothie looks delicious! Have a great day!
Thanks for the blender advice!! One day I made the mistake of poking my head in the blender… while it was still on. Blueberry smoothie exploded ALL over me, my ceiling, EVERYTHING!! This was on a morning that I had already gotten dressed and done my hair and to top it off was already running late for work. Yeah, that was an interesting morning to say the least… I can’t believe Andrew still married me after that one, haha!
Congratulations! Did a publisher contact you from seeing your site?
I used to the same thing with my blender until Lindsay (Miss Happy Herbivore herself!) bestowed her Breville on me. Now Bradley Breville manhandles all the spinach and frozen fruit I can throw at him. This makes me, my belly, and my collection of spatulas very happy. And seriously, who calls them rubber scrapers?!
Also, CONGRATS on your book!!
I finally wore my husband down about a vitamix . . . after a few wooden spoon casualties, an on/off button that stopped working, and finding a great deal.
Hope you get a high powered birthday/mothers day gift:)
Dear Mama Pea,
Apparently I fell of the face of the earth yesterday and did not read your post. Well, CONGRATULATIONS! I am so happy for you and I hope you have such a blast writing it! I’m sure your gorgeous clan is thrilled for you
Love,
A steady but silent blog reader (Danielle)
P.S. Spatulas all the way baby!
LOVE the disclaimer…totally necessary
i too have a questionable blender, but haven’t used the rubber spatula method…i try to stick with metal spoons instead 
Spatula! I am excited to try this method. I gave up trying to make smoothies because my blender is just sad. If you get a new, fabulous one- let us know what kind it is.
My (now 16yo) son had a blue thermal blanket with satin trim that he carried everywhere. He named it “Annie” (he couldnt say blankie). And Annie was not an “it” it was a “she.” We always joke that Annie was his first girlfriend. I still have Annie tucked away under my bed. I can’t tell you how many times I sewed up holes and sewed the satin trim back on. I tried replacing Annie when it started wearing but there was no sufficient replacement. Not even “Danny” Annie’s twin brother worked! So good luck with Lulu’s blanket. I hope it works out!
true story: sometimes, josh looks at tommy bahama clothing. and likes some of it.
then he feels really, really old.
pps you have a may birthday? josh and i do to. BEST people born in may.
I feel Lulu’s pain…all of my 4 sisters (including me) had and still have our blankies stored away with other things from our childhood. (we all have attachment issues, haha) Although, my oldest lost her blankie one trip to Disney…it feel as she was getting onto the monorail…my parents said it was the worst days of their lives.
Hope you get a Vitamix blender!! fingers crossed
ha, I have one wooden spoon that has chunks missing from the end of it. Smoothie-related accident.
Oh, it’s definitely called a spatula. For sure.
I don’t even have a blender! To make my smoothies, I’ve been using a busted food processor that has a built in spout to spit out the contents (what kind of design is that, I want to know??) Thanks for the spatula tip!
Also…I must admit I have attachment issues as well. I just can’t let go of the puffalump I’ve had since I was 2. Not sure how that’s gonna fly in any future marriage…
You and I make the same version of a green monster! Except I use vanilla soymilk. The addition of orange juice totally makes it taste like a creamsicle!
ALSO, I still have my white blankie that was actually my sisters. However, it is tinged with pink on one end (it’s white) where I may or may not have wet the bed.
I have that same blender! And I’ve had the added fiber of wood chips in my smoothie before. I will have to use your method next time
Happy early birthday, mine is next Thursday!
I too have a ghetto blender and a chewed up spatula. I have to admit I have a pretty old pillow too that I just can’t part with. It’s pretty pathetic but my neck thanks me.Don’t even mention my blankie that is 31 yrs old but I don’t need that to sleep with anymore. Gave it up (last week) ha ha!
I gave my old and tattetered blankie to my daughter when she complained she was having nightmares as an alternative to having her sleep in our bed. But when she isn’t around and I’m feeling particularly stressed, I secretly go into her room and give it a squeeze.
Hilarious that you included a disclaimer!
Haha I love that I have the same blender as you and it’s SO awful. I have to stop it every 5 seconds so I can push down more stuff so it will semi-chop it up. Arrrg.
i have been a reader since your other blog and just wanted to drop by to say CONGRATULATIONS on your book deal! i will definitely be looking out for it!
i’m going to carefully take your tips when i try to make some silky smooth hummus. i’ll probably have to be even more careful because of the lack of liquid, but spatula-be-damned, i want my smooth hummus and my food processor is a POS.
While reading your disclaimer I totally thought, “Such a lawyer.” Haha. Not hatin’ of course my daddy’s a lawyer
I think I would trade my first born for a Vitamix. I have a pretty good Cuisinart blender/food processor combo we got as a wedding gift but something tells me nothing compares to the big guns.
You know I had to google splatter HAHAHA!
I def call it a spatula.
I’ve never commented before, but have been a reader for a long time. In light of your recent news I wanted to congratulate you and tell you that I think you are awesome!! I love when great things happen to great people. Can’t wait for more
thanks for the disclaimer…here i was thinking i was going to sue you for all your rich author $$, but now my plan is spoiled. damn your smart ass, seeing my moves ahead of time.
they hada vitamix demo at WF the other day and kyle wanted to stay and watch and i was like “i cant watch this, we need to leave” and walked away. its too depressing and only further feeds my addiction. ive almost killed my bullet due to overuse. i should check on the warranty. its not diggin the kale/frozen strawb combo
My bullet and my food processor broke last week. Shizz bushel.
ugh my blender is lame and doesn’t work either. I have to chop all my frozen fruit into smaller chunks in order for it to work. It’s such a process. We both need Vitamix’s stat.
haha…you just described the process i go through with my blender. hmmm…great minds think alike. so do shitty blenders apparently.
gah, i need to e-mail you – so much to chat about! happy wednesday
Congratulations on the book!!! But I’m curious, will there be pics of Matthew McConaughey in it?
In a perfect world, yes. And he’ll write the foreword. Shirtless, of course.
in pre-vita mix days, i used to do the same thing.. until i noticed chunks of plastic in my hummus. yum. love the disclaimer too, haha.
lulu’s pigtails melt my heart. #1 reason i hope we have a girl first- so i can put cute bows in her hair and pigtails
hope you’re having a great day <3
Dear Mr. Pea/ Papa Pea- Please buy your wife a Vitamix so she no longer has to do the spatula-blender dance!
Thank you.
Ooo, I had a little blanket (more like a square of cloth) with a teddy bear head attached to it (I’m just now realizing how very creepy this sounds…) when I was little and I took that thing everywhere! Apparently we went to feed ducks at a pond and I dropped him in the disgusting water. My teenage cousin jumped in to rescue it. That is real love!!
That would be the very same second rate blender I have! It actually does a decent job by lay foodie standards, I’m sure, but I have challenged it in many ways. The sounds and smells I’ve gotten from it are probably not supposed to happen. Good thing it’s the roomie’s and not mine! Now that I’m about to get my own place, this is an excellent time for someone to buy me a Vitamix as a small housewarming gift.
I am so excited for you & your new cookbook adventure!
ahh yes these are SO spatula’s I had never even heard of them called a rubber scrapper!
great step by step instructions
I want a sippy cup!!
umm I am 24 and still have 3 teddy bears in my bed…. its just taht comfort
It’s definitely a spatula! And thanks so much for the tips because my blender is most definitely useless. I tend to use a hand blender for most of my drinks as a result and my smoothies are more like ‘chunkies’ but I think I’ll put your tutorial to good use!
Eee! I just read the last post and HUGE congatulations on the book deal. I hope it’s a resounding success in the US as quickly as possible so that it’ll be winging it’s way to UK shelves in no time. I’ll be falling over myself to buy a copy.
<3
~Jess~
P.S No worries about replying to my e-mail! With all of the craziness around the book you must be so incredibly busy that the last thing on your mind right now should be that
Book deal! Wow! Congratulations! I’ll be waiting anxiously to read it.
I have to say, I very much relate to Lulu. I have total attachment issues to my blanket, although hers seems to be in much better shape than mine. I call mine blankie as well.. except it’s just a tad bit creepier for me to be keeping it in my pocket still because I’m in my 20s.
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3127/4560981417_060bb6d934_o.jpg
I think the only place I’d be able to find a replacement, that I’d hardly notice a change with, would be at the bottom of a crusty dumpster.
I still have my blanket. It is gross, stinky and a brownish color, but if I can’t find it before bed, no one sleeps. How my husband has lived with my this long is beyond me.
omg!!!!! I found u!!!! I used to read ur old blog I had no idea u made a new one!!!!!i was sooo sad when u stopped ur other blog. glad I checked out this mama pea via graduatemeghanns blog! congrats on the book =)
Still so excited about the book…like ridiculously excited!! and about the blankie…my little brother has a blanket (yes, present tense here) that has been sneakily switched out 5 different times by an enterprising parent who tracked down the same blanket online and bought six of them. I hope you can find a replacement…kids like to hang onto stuff like that and it’s a few years before they catch on that the new one didn’t just “have a bath” and remarkably has no holes, smells, stains, etc.
Hahahahaha – great post, Mama Pea!
Gotta love Lulu´s pics. She´s the sweetest!
Have a great night!
Brazilian XOXO´s,
Gabriela
Oh my gosh, I know I just turned 20 & I have a couple years to go before I’m a mama, but Mama Pea, reading your blog everyday makes me so stoked to have my own babiez someday!! Now I just have to graduate, find a hubby, and become financially stable haha!!! Keep doing your thing, you’re such a good mom! <3
im your bedtime story and you are my morning pastry with my coffee.
i laughed my ass off the whole time i read this. said coffee almost came out my nose. that would have been painful.
okay, so i’ve always called those spatulas. my whole life. and then people kept referring to the flipper as a spatula. it was traumatizing. i have gotten used to it over the years, but that thing up there will always be a spatula and a flipper will always be a flipper. in my book. on a side note, we always called the hair grooming piece of equipment that most people refer to as a “pick” a “rake”. it will always be a rake. and so will the tool used to clean up leaves.
moving on.
i wonder what sort of search terms you will get from posting “Make long strokes with the spatula”
xo