A Matter of Perspective
As some of you know, specifically my Twitter followers, I’ve been off of coffee (again) for exactly 166 hours, 23 minutes and 48 seconds.
When you look at it that way, via a description stretched over seven numbers and three increments of time, it seems like an eternity. In actuality, it’s been a week– a long “still wearing my Breathe Right strips during my first set of squats, drank my way through an entire box of decaf Earl Grey, dozing off during Dora and waking up disoriented” week. You’d be confused too if you woke up on the couch in a puddle of what you hope is your own drool and saw Benny the Bull dressed as a potato.
My doctor says it’s fine to have one cup of coffee a day. Too bad the rest of that sentence was, “so long as it’s not a twenty-ounce cup.” Potato, po-tah-toe, blue cartoon bull.
So I did a little experiment this morning and took Pea Daddy’s mistress out and sized her up.
The verdict: my one cup of coffee is actually two. I’m no mathematician, but I worked it out with some Cheerios I found between the couch cushions and realized that over the course one the day last week, when I thought I’d drank four cups of coffee, I had actually drank eight cups of coffee.
I drank the caffeine equivalent of 11.5 Red Bulls (or Red “Potatoes,” if you will…because Benny…the Bull...was a potato. Stay with me).
Perspective is everything. I hang my caffeine-withdrawal headache-ridden head in shame. But without my wonder drug, my laundry basket looks like Everest.
My dining room table looks like it has more paint on it than the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.
Entering Gigi’s room after a playdate feels like walking into a Justin Beiber meet and greet at FAO Schwartz.
A tap performance to Ke$ha’s “Tik Tok” feels like someone’s sticking skewers in my ears, not unlike hearing “Tik Tok” in general.
Coaxing Georgia O’Keefe out of her leopard print PJs is like trying to coax a lion out of a cage with a slab of tofu.
Or a vegan biscuit.
No matter how you look at it though, these biscuits are GRAND.
Grand Vegan Biscuits
Makes 6 large biscuits
- 2 c. whole wheat pastry flour (or mix of whole wheat pastry flour and all purpose flour)
- 1 T. baking powder
- 1 t. salt
- 1 t. sugar
- 1/4 c. vegan margarine (i.e. Earth Balance)
- 3/4 c. non-dairy milk
- 1 t. lemon juice
Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
Combine milk and lemon juice and allow to “sour.”
Sift dry ingredients into a large bowl.
Cut in the vegan margarine (ignoring the fact that your measuring cup snapped off in the Earth Balance), until the texture is like wet sand.
Pour in soured milk and stir just until combined. DO NOT OVERMIX (you are thinking, “Geez, lady, don’t yell at me! Someone needs to switch to decaf…”).
Turn dough out onto a floured board and lightly roll into approximately an 11×9 rectangle. Add as much flour as necessary to keep dough from sticking, but be gentle. Make it some chamomile tea, run a bubble bath and put on Michael Buble.
Fold ends of dough up so it is “doubled over.”
Using a glass or a cookie cutter, cut dough into rounds and transfer to a cookie sheet sprayed with cooking spray.
Bake for 10-12 minutes.
You know what would go great with these biscuits? A cup of decaf Earl Grey. 166 hours, 49 minutes and 22 seconds.
You could say we had strawberry shortcake for dinner.
I guess it’s all a matter of perspective.
Amazing post lady! I was a nanny in college and had to up the amount of caffeine (i.e. sbux americanos) significantly to keep up with them. It was so crazy considering I was already a cross country runner and thought I had so much more energy than say, your average college student…guess not…
I will be making these biscuits this weekend. You and snackface just make them look too good!
i’ve been (especially) loving your posts lately
it’s like a short story each time! :snickers: potato bulls…
Thanks, Rika. That means a lot to me!
coffee withdrawl took me 2 full weeks for sure. i wanted to shoot whoever told me 2 days. i was a cranky girl for sure.
You are brave. I don’t know if I ever want to completely get away from caffeine, but I also don’t ever want to be in a “I can’t get out of bed unless I have coffee” place either. I think I have a good balance right now.
I drink my morning cup in one the size of the mug you showed. It’s huge! (twss!)
I love my morning “cup” (which I’m thinking is also closer to two cups, if you are being technical – which I’m not) but applaud you for your efforts.
And I fully support strawberry shortcake for dinner – we had it for breakfast the other day!
I don’t drink coffee or have kids, so why does my laundry pile look like that?
I’ve done a similar dance with the devil…but after giving him up many times, I’ve never been able to permanently rid my life of him. He just tastes so good. Crap. I want coffee. I hope you are more successful then I have been.
is there any reason you want to get off coffee? I’ve been wanting to cut if off, just couldn’t convince me yet.
C, I was getting really jittery and having some benign, yet scary, heart palps. Not worth it to me.
I never really thought that they actually meant an 8oz serving when they say a cup. LoL, I just assumed it meant the size of your mug, and mine just happens to be an overside one!
Oh I LOVE biscuits!! Growing in the south, they sure do hold a special place in my heart. Unfortunately they used to hold a special place in my tummy and thighs, haha!! BUT, these are so healthy and guilt free! I will have to try ‘em out, thanks!!
Love that you put strawberries in ‘em, here in the south that’s kind of a sin to put anything other than greasy bacon or ham in it, but I think those strawberries are a brilliant biscuit filling!!
I’ve been doing a no coffee challenge for the month of April. I think it’s actually getting HARDER as the month goes on– I woke up this morning thinking about it!!! Not sure whether or not I’ll make it to May…
I will spare you the detail of how big my first cup of coffee is, but let’s just say it helps things out around here! As for the biscuits, I love vegan biscuits! It always cracks me up but if you tell others they are vegan, they freak out, but seriously…they are no different…well, maybe better! I remember the first time I served them to relatives that are hard core milk and meat people. I let them have a bite first and go on and on about how great they were and what did I use to make them so good, then I got one. They were all freaked out about how I could eat them. Haha, the joke was on them. Earthbalance and Almond milk are better!
I totally used to need coffee, but it’s been four years since I’ve had a sip (did a number on my gut and anxiety). Although there are times I could SO use a pick-me-up, it’s the best thing I ever did (I love my tea.)
The transition sucks, but knowing there will be no inevitable crash every day is a bonus. Plus, I can know when I’m REALLY feeling energetic, fresh, tired or worn down without wondering if it’s because of the coffee. Adjustments can be made in other areas without the dependence on the caffeine.
Hang in there, Mama!
Thankfully I’ve always been primarily a tea drinker so a cup of coffee here or there isn’t a big deal — if I have one, yum, if not, no biggie. I do love my daily 2-3 cups of tea. Although mostly caffeinated… hmmm…
Your girls’ room is ADORABLE!!! BTW is lulu playing with a cooking bowl in that pic? Are you training her already?! And I’m trying to cut back on caffeine as well..unfort for my bf I’m asleep by 9!
Like many other commenters, I’ve gone back and forth over the last 8 years (before that I was drinking it since I was 14 without ever attempting to give it up). My motivation for cutting back is when I get to that point where I wake up with a howling headache and all I can think is: “Coffee…coffee, stat!!” When I finally drink it, it doesn’t give me that wonderful jolt, it just makes the headache go away and I have to drink several more cups to get the “high.” And then I crash. At that point, I know I have to give it up. Inevitably though, several months later I will give in to the sight/sound/smell of coffee deliciousness and the whole thing starts all over.
It takes me about a week to kick it each time, but that’s with the help of black and green tea and the occasional Diet Coke.
Our of curiosity: Are you just trying to kick the coffee habit or caffeine entirely? (cuz if so…wow is all I can say!)
Good luck!
Yup, trying to cut the caffeine for good. It was making me jittery, giving me heart palps, etc. Some people can tolerate it well, but I as I’ve come to learn, I’m not “some people.”
know what helps with caffiene headaches?
ice cream.
i’m totally serious. whenever you have tik tok style pain, you take one spoonful… the cold + the creamy = happppppy.
excedrine migraine is rad too, but sometimes, it makes me puke.
WOW 8 cups a day! I would fly like a red bull guy LOL
I’m not a coffee drinker because I’m naturally hype one time in school I was studying at barnes and nobles and decide to have one of those caramel mochiatto it smell so good and taste like God is trying to prove something!
Boy I was up for 3 days!
I’m gonna try to make some biscuit on my own they look delicious.
BTW thx for stopping by supermomplace yesterday you made my day!
Hugs & kisses
I used to only drink tea because I didn’t like the flavor of coffee. But then I discovered lattes and was hooked. Now I’m hooked but I have to watch my intake since it hurts my IBS tummy. Perhaps those muffins might help
Yikes — I definitely drink more than 1 cup of coffee a day…even though I only have it in the morning. I love my over-sized mugs, but when you put it into perspective it’s a bit scary. Good luck kicking the habit for good!!
The one good thing is that you haven’t lost your sense of humor with your loss of caffeine. This post has me rolling. So much I almost wanted to write: ROFL.
i just quit coffee too…well a few weeks ago…i admit the headaches were painful, almost too painful, but i got through it…i know you will! green tea and herbal teas are really helping me…
love your stories, they always make me smile! even though this one has you suffering a little!
It’s amazing how a cup of coffee in the morning quickly becomes a warm, comforting friend – until it keeps you up at night. I’m currently 7 days, 3 hours, 23 minutes, 38 seconds without my warm little friend.
Even without your one … er, two cups of coffee, you still make a delectable vegan biscuit
The coffee withdrawls get better, and it’s freeing not to have to have a cup of coffee within 45 secs of B waking me up in the morning. I love biscuits, your’s look delicious! Are strawberries in season where you are? I’ve got a good 6 weeks until local strawberries:(
Random but I have those exact measuring cups and my green and red (1 cup) are both snapped off!
Those little bastards! I’ve had them break measuring flour before. I need to upgrade ASAP.
I love your biscuits Mama Pea. Biscuits are something I really crave, but never think to make. They just sounded difficult, but these look pretty easy. I’d love one right now with a schmear of apple butter!
I too am off the juice. It’s been a few months. It just wasn’t nearly as good without my vanilla stevia drops (gave up for Lent), and so one day I didn’t drink it. Didn’t really want it the next day either, and now I don’t even think about it when I wake up in the morning. However, I tend to drink coffee in cycles. A few months from now, I’ll probably be back to my 2 to 3 cups a day. Who knows?
Well, at least we all now know that you are capable of putting out some of your most humorous and witty posts sans caf! There have been a couple of people who have tried to convince me that measuring my serving sizes out of whatever i have been eating might be interesting… And just like you, not only am i not going to do that, but it would probably be ridiculous to see the amount of “Suggested Servings” i consume of the foods i go through daily… This includes coffee and tea. By the way, did you hear Larabar is coming out with new flavors soon? I thought of you when i heard this because i think i remember you being a fan of them as well… It may not seem like a big deal, but news like this is like xmas morning to me
I think you should create your own vegan bar with pea protein!
Oh hunny I admire your courage. I am like Carrot Top in all his roid rage without my caffeine. Not pretty. I really should scale back though. Maybe when I get pregnant someday (crosses fingers that is not today…or tomorrow…or next month
)
oh biscuits…how i love them! never thought to add strawberries to them though
i had a pregnancy scare a couple months back and went off coffee for a month. talk about not fun…but it was really good because it showed me it’s not something i have to have!
“Make it some chamomile tea, run a bubble bath and put on Michael Buble.”
Haha. You crack me up!
I feel sorta ashamed now that Tik Tok pushes my ass into gear during a run
Don’t feel ashamed! It’s just stuck in my head constantly! I woke up this morning singing, “I wake up in the morning feelin’ like P. Diddy.” Only I didn’t. I woke up pissed that it was 5:30.
Nice job keeping off the coffee.
Yummm I really want to try those biscuits! I have all the ingredients
coffee is my thang. i can’t give it up. although, after getting a k-cup machine, i do too now realize the difference between 1 cup of coffee and a cup of coffee.
strawberry shortcake = fave dessert ever. yes, please.
I am totally making these next.
I feel ya on the coffee withdrawals. I didn’t realize that I was up to 4 cups a day (not sure how “cups” are defined in this house, either!) until I got that tummy bug last week. The idea of coffee hitting my stomach was horrible, so I had to go cold-turkey. It was awful, but it really showed me how dependent I’d become on it!
I’m back on it now, but I’ve cut it in half…to two (small!) cups a day
Can’t wait for tomorrow’s BFL updates!
Congrats on laying ‘off the sauce’. I honestly don’t know how Mom’s do what they do with out coffee. Three cheers for tireless Mommy’s
I stayed over night with my cousin who has a 5 y/o and a 2 y/o and I was exhuasted after a few short hours!! ;P
Your biscuits look great! ;D
-Mary
don’t be saying anything about coffee… hear no evil I’m covering my ears- see no evil I’m covering my eyes I guess since it’s blogging?
I’m about to get a new coffee maker (I had a big tragedy) and I feel like I’m going to pick out a new puppy!
I respect you so much more after seeing the # of seconds without coffee
Katherine
whataboutsummer
((HAPPY EARTH DAY GREEN PEA FAMILY!))
After my breakfast this past Sunday, I am pretty sure Strawberry Shortcake for dinner is appropriate!
We’re in a parallel universe. I’ve been contemplating giving up coffee for awhile, and then when I ran out on Tuesday, I just decided not to buy anymore.
Yesterday kind of sucked at first when I remembered I would be having decaf tea instead of a cup of joe, but today was already much better.
For me, it’s the calories I consume with the caffeine. Between the creamer and sugar — yikes! That’s a couple of biscuits!
I’m a newbie blogger, and just found yours. Hilarious! I haven’t laughed out loud while reading a blog, probably ever. Funny stuff. And I get it, I’m a mom too. I never had a problem kicking coffee, for me it was Coke, that black, tasty, sugary drink. I still have a hard time watching movies without it. But you can totally kick the black stuff! Good luck!
It never fails to amaze me how you tackle these health-related challenges, Mama Pea… I physically cannot get going in the morning without my cup o’. Or four.
I am going to have to measure how many cups my travel mug actually holds!!! Hmmm…!
Your so funny! Love this post. I gave up coffee last summer. Hardest thing ever but my stomach feels so much better now! I used to have a cup of coffee and run to the bathroom. The last month I’ve allowed myself to have a cup a week. Usually on the weekends at brunch : )
Good luck!!
I love all of your posts, reading your blog is def a little hilight of my day! I’m just curious as to why you are giving up on coffee. Is it bc of the caffeine? I am by no means an expert, but I am studying caffeine in an organic chemistry lab. After really researching it, I just don’t see it as something to give up. I was just curious as to what your reasons are since when I’m in science mode, I don’t think of health first .. I think chemically haha .. so nerdy!
You are so sweet…I want to stir you into a cup of 100% Kona with a splash of coconut milk creamer. I don’t know why, if it was the caffeine or something else, but coffee was making me jittery and have heart palps. My doctor took a full panel and all my levels are “stellar” (B12 and iron even, all you haters), so we have narrowed it down to the coffee. Even though I am cranky and sleepy, I feel a million times better now!
Strawberry shortcakes = heaven. Yum!!! That is my BF favorite dessert!!!
For some reason, putting it in terms of Red Bulls makes it sound so much worse! Maybe because I hate Red Bull.
But really, I think in my mind Red Bull has tons of caffeine and coffee only has a little…guess I should do my research!
oh… yes, I have heart palps when I drink more than I usually drink (2 mug size cups instead of one). So what the doctor says about that? is it harmful?
oh man, taking coffee away from you is like taking chocolate away from me = raging jitters all the time. joy.
you are too funny mama…can you come visit me in so cal when i move back next week? i’ll babysit the girls…
Hi Mama Pea, O M G! I can’t believe how much coffee you drink in a day…
Aha! I got it! No caffeine makes you a Couch Potato.
OH MY BISCUITS!!!!! I want!!! I just remade them, for the third time, and they’re yummy. Probably not as yummy as your biscuits, though. Hahaha ewww, just grossed myself out.
No coffee! Brave!!
I’ve never seen the one where Benny dresses like a potato – I am shocked that there is at least one episode I haven’t seen! We seem to have changed to a Tom & Jerry/Pink Panther fan, thank heavens.
This post further illustrates your awesome segues (I spelled that “segways” at first – i’m only 2 sips into today’s cup) from funny stories to recipes – good stuff!
I just made these biscuits and they’re the best I’ve made in a long time – thanks!
I have to tell you, this post resonated with me…the measuring of the coffee “cup.” I realized my “2″ cups of coffee at work were really 4, not to mention the occasional additional venti iced coffee from Starbucks in the afternoon. This had just gotten out of hand!
So I switched to decaf on Monday and I have one cup of caffeinated tea per day. The first day I had a headache but I’m already feeling much better!
Wow….just made these for breakfast (but not vegan because I didn’t have non-dairy milk). The texture is out of this world!
I cannot wait for your book.
Yay! Thank you!