Date Night
If you have stumbled upon this post looking to lodge a complaint with, or in the alternative, propose marriage to the producer of the new Steve Carrell/Tina Fey movie,
you are in exactly the right place.
I haven’t seen it yet, so go ahead and tell me what you thought. You’d be doing me a favor since I am quite picky about spending $21.50 and two hours of my life with my butt crammed into a seat that hundreds of other strangers have sat in and listening to other people shovel, snarf and crunch through their troughs of popcorn. So, Lost Internet Searcher, take your new role as personal movie critic seriously. My next date night might just depend on it.
Our weekend date night was not spent at the movie theater, but somewheres far more romantic. That’s right, “somewheres.”
Wined and dined.
It’s not that I don’t want to go out to a romantic dinner, a show, or an establishment that doesn’t take coupons, barter in dirty, stinky soda cans, or provide plastic flatware with my overpriced pound of salad. It’s just that I would rather rip up a voucher for free Special K protein shakes, sort through half-full, week old Milwaukee’s Best cans, and poke my own eyes out with a plastic spork than take my kids’ grocery shopping for a week’s worth of groceries on my own.
The #1 offender of solo parent shopping trips? Carts. Creepy mutant Trader Joe’s chalk drawing troll, will you elaborate?
Whoever invented the tiny grocery carts should have a box of Joe’s O’s crammed in a place where even Trader Darwin can’t find it. Why, when I already have a cart that I am frantically trying to fill with one of the 47 items on my list, would I want to be responsible for a second tiny cart (that Gigi is trying to stuff full with an entire case of Chocolate Brownie Z Bars) AND a third tiny cart (that Lulu has crashed into the end base of Cats Cookies, liberating feline graham crackers and obstructing already narrow aisles)? Why, Trader Joe’s, why?! Walking in front of the power hungry drivers in open-backed shoes is akin to jumping out of a plane without a parachute, and I have the missing skin on my ankles to prove it.
The other thorn in my toddler-carrying side: free bakery cookies.
Yes, I did know that you will give my child a free cookie because that is all I have heard out of Gigi’s mouth from the second I stepped foot in the store. I haven’t even wrestled a shopping cart away from its conjoined brothers and sisters (never mind the two mini-carts we are now responsible for) before she has taken off to claim her cookie.
I think “gladly” give a free cookie is a bit of a misnomer too, as you frequently show nothing but exasperation at having to stop frosting the pinnacle of all your life’s artistic works, a Sponge Bob Square Pants FD&C Yellow No. 5 saturated cake creation that will be used to commemorate an innocent child’s 7th year of life, to hand my child her complimentary “treat.”
Even the word “cookie” is liberal. What you offer is either an outdated chocolate chip number that will allow the girls’ dentist to buy a timeshare via multiple crown replacements or an obvious holiday cookie overstock, as in the green and white sprinkled shamrock offered in the middle of April. It’s a life lesson: you get what you pay for, kids.
Before you feel sorry for Gigi and Lulu for missing out on the Running of the Mini Carts and bakery markdowns disguised as generous gifts, take a gander at Date Morning and Date Afternoon.
Mini carts (that only manage to capsize the cat’s food AND water dish),
plus shopping (No shirt? No shoes? No problem!),
and free cookies.
White Chocolate Cherry Oatmeal Cookies
Yields 18 large cookies
- 1/2 c. almond butter
- 1/4 c. vegan margarine (i.e. Earth Balance)
- 1/4 c. unsweetened applesauce
- 1/4 c. non-dairy milk
- 1 t. almond extract
- 3/4 c. organic brown sugar
- 3/4 c. organic sugar or NuNaturals Stevia baking blend
- 1 1/2 c. whole wheat pastry flour
- 1 c. oats
- 1 t. baking soda
- 1 t. cinnamon
- 1 t. salt (use less if your nut butter is salted)
- 1/2 c. dried cherries
- 1/2 c. all natural white chocolate chips (i.e. Sunspire brand)
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Cream almond butter, vegan margarine, applesauce, non-dairy milk, almond extract and sugars together.
In a separate bowl, combine flour, oats, baking soda, cinnamon and salt.
Add the dry ingredients to the wet, a little at a time, until mixture is well combined.
Fold in white chocolate chips and cranberries.
Drop dough by large spoonfuls onto an ungreased cookie sheet.
Bake for 10-12 minutes. Remove cookies to a rack for cooling.
Devour.
These are disappearing so fast, I might need to go to the store for ingredients for another batch.
I won’t be going before the next Date Night, though. I’d rather eat free cookies off the movie theater floor.
Love this post! I’m with you on the stupidity of those mini carts at TJ’s…..why?!
I haven’t watched it yet but I’ve read good things!
Those cookies look delicious
Some of my favorite dates include going to Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods, too. And I don’t even have kids as an excuse – I’m just an old granny in a boring 20-something year old’s body.
My review of this post: I laughed, I cried, I drooled on my keyboard.
I will be taking a pass on “Date Night, ” thanks oh so much. But I have to say that Dinner For Schmucks actually looks funny albeit with a terrible, offensive premise.
We will probably not set foot in a theater until May 20th when the film festival opens, but you never know…
This post is hysterical! I really want to see date night, too.
Are sunspire’s white chocolate chips vegan? Trader Joe’s aren’t but they’re allnatural which is good enough for me. They’re also delicious.
At first I thought you were talking about the half carts (the ones with two baskets stacked on top of each other) that I really love! So much easier to negotiate corners.
But yes, the kid-sized ones are unnecessary and sometimes dangerous.
Wow!Complain much.Now I feel like I’m a pig since I love having popcorn at the movies.I shovel,snarf my way through my trough of popcorn?I can’t wait to see Date Night.I don’t mind if my son has a cookie once in a while or if he eats b-day cake and he’s never had a cavity.Just so you know the sugar in your vegan cookies can also make cavities.
Wow, heard of “humor” much? Neither of my girls have cavities. It was a JOKE. And they get the free cookies EVERY TIME. I hope you get a date night soon.
Ah yes, this post brought back fond memories of accompanying my mom to the grocery store and why she disliked my company back then…oh wait, she still doesn’t like my company. Guess she doesn’t like my attempts to sneak in copious amounts of tofu into her cart.
I hate those mini shopping carts. It is a fight every time we go to the store.
hahaha you always know how to make me laugh! i LOVE those cookies…i might try and figure out how to make them in bar form because i’m too lazy to make individual cookies
White chocolate and cherries…nice combination! I have boys and they really were never that interested in pushing a cart. They also like mamas cookies at home way more than the stale excuse of a cookie at the store! Let me know how the movie is if you go and see it…I really want to see that one!
Oh here’s another good one for me to try! I made your carrot cake last night and it was heavenly! Loved it!! I did take out half the white sugar and I was a bit concerned it wouldn’t work as well, but it was perfect for us.
Such an entertaining way to get some great recipes. I come here to read your stories and see what you kids are up to next, and the great recipes are a bonus!
Oh and as far as the mini carts…I think those must have been made for Grandmas. When I take my granddaughter with me I can walk along side her while she does the work of loading the cart. Was a WHOLE different story when I was raising my 4 sons.
I always love sitting down to read a MamaPea post because I wonder at the beginning of each post: “Where is she going with this one?” Wherever it may be, hysteria guides me. I absolutely adore you. This was brilliant.
My mom never let us have the free cookies, either! She thought they were trashy. Despite being upset at her for this, she, of course, was right. I’ll have 12 of your white chocolate cherry oatmeal cookies any time now, peas and thank you. xoxoxo
I LOOOOOOOOVE Trader Joes!!
And your hair!! You’re totally cute – you need to have photos of you in your postings too!!
I aaaaalso love your blog! I gave you an award!
I love your girls, the food and your sense of humor! Love it all! I read every post
I guess it’d be good if I gave you the link huh? sheesh
http://unpolishedspoon.blogspot.com/2010/04/spoon-won-award-first-one-ever-d.html
You are HYSTERICAL!! I seriously find myself emailing your posts on to other folks every time because you are just SO darn funny! Love it!
Also, I went to see Date Night. I didn’t go crazy for it, but I thought it was good. I don’t know if I’d pay full price, but maybe matinee. It’s funny but not pee your pants funny. Pee my pants funny is the best.
I hate those mini carts! They are the bane of my existence when I take my cousins with me.
Those cookies look wonderful!! And your girls are just so precious!!
Maya loves the mini carts and I inevitably come back with scratches right above my ankles. I also get dozens of dirty looks from the unsuspecting people she accidentally rams in to.
Who would have thought the grocery store was full of so many hazards??
I loved date night it was hilarious!
Slightly more annoying than the mini-carts are the huge school bus/race car/John Deere Tractor looking carts that allow those precious spawn to “drive” the cart. Cute idea but those things are huge and take up the whole aisle. We don’t have a Whole Food’s or Trader Joe’s here and the organic food at my local market is crammed into a tiny dark corner of the store with aisles barely wide enough for an adult to walk through much less pass a cart through. Sign me….waiting for the farmer’s markets to start.
The little carts may be cute, but I can’t tell you how many children have rammed one of those into my calves because they were so excited about the cart that they weren’t paying attention to where they were pushing said cart!
Sooo I guess it’s that I live in a city? But, my TJ’s has neither mini shopping carts nor a bakery/cake department. Probably a good thing…the desserts they do have always look super delicious, and if I could smell them I probably would have bought something by now!
I am sure I will see Date Night, as my bf likes all that stuff. In the past month I have seen “Hot Tub Time Machine” and “Cop Out”. As I’m SURE you would imagine, neither of them was worth anything near $21.00!!
I think the same thing about those mini carts. It’s like the store is just asking for a rage of temper tantrums, randomly misplaced items, and major spills and clean ups! Oh well, at least they aren’t giving the kids pretend credit cards to go with the mini shopping carts.
Not yet at least!
Date nights? What are those?
Just love your posts. So funny and refreshing. On Friday’s I ditch the kids with the Husband and I go grocery shopping by myself, for hours. I can’t imagine lugging both of them by myself.
Based on the amount you bake I’m pretty much convinced that you have the luckiest daughters in the entire world. If it wasn’t a holiday or birthday my childhood desserts pretty much came out of a carton or box.
Funny thing – a couple weeks ago while shopping at Trader Joes I spotted a mommy shopper with two twin toddlers in tow pushing separate tiny carts. The little girl had some bread, flowers, and produce in her cart and the little boy was pushing 4 full wine bottles around in his tiny cart.
Spoke volumes to me. Heehee!
I dread the day my oldest daughter figures out those mini carts are meant for people her size! Although, with a toddler and an infant now, I haven’t been to TJ’s in ages because their regular carts are way too small for me to fit both kids into!
The cookies look awesome! Love the cran and white choc combo..nice!
Ok major!!! pet peeves about groc stores handing out balloons.. I mean the dried out stale touched by a million other people’s hands free samples are one thing…but the balloons that pop and scare child for an hour OR the stickers that end up on my windows in the backseat or the sticker paper backings that are all over the floorboards…HATE IT. And if you tell these people before they practically force free crap onto your child, a polite but firm, No Thank You. They look at me like Im an ogre and depriving my child. If they want to chisel 17 stickers off my leather and windows, they can give her all the stickers, balloons, crap, etc they want!
OMG this is HUGE rant of mine. And Scott and I try to explain to store clerks our point but they again, look at us like we are horrible people. Sigh.
What happened to good manners and good attitudes are required on groc trips with mom, even WITHOUT the promise of free crap. Doing and being good, just to be good.
Ok I’ll stop now…
hahaha…TJ gnome. my dad would want to stick it in his garden; i know it!
the cookies look great! i’m making them…w/ cranberries and white chocolate…or two kinds of chocolate. we’ll see.
Your children are so spoiled with relatively healthy treats!!!
I wish there was a Whole Foods near m, but when I go home for the summer there will be one! Ch’yeah!
Hilarious, as always. I will be trying those cookies soon; they look great!
As usual, you are brilliant.
I concur with the mini carts. There are adults right here in my neighborhood that shouldn’t be allowed to steer a cart. Butt bumping. Ankle scraping. General pushiness. And these are the grownups, mind you. And my favorite… the middle-of-the-aisle camper. Sigh. I can’t imagine what would happen if you added little folks to the mix!
On the other hand, those cookies look luscious. And Gigi’s precious little face as she offers one… you do have two of the world’s most beautiful children Mama Pea!
I want to see that movie…but I’m not thrilled about the idea of spending 22 bucks on it either… I think I would rather roll with your version of “date night” a la ‘wining and dining’
and can i just say your cran white chocolate chip cookies look OH SO good, i am drooling over my screen. definitely trumps any free supermarket cookie i’ve every gotten ha!
http://www.justjac.wordpress.com
hahaha…the writing on this post may be one of your best. i laughed out loud many a time, especially at the TJ’s kids car. i’ve ALWAYS thought – why would you give a kid a cart? i can barely steer one myself without running into multiple old ladies over the age of 70 who will probably now need hip replacements because of me. giving an actual kid a cart? DANGER will robinson, DANGER.
love you – can’t wait to hear about all the excitingness
shit my comment is NOT appearing. and it was such a good one. damn it. i hate when a good comment goes unpublished for some unknown internet reason.
love ya!
Great post, but I’m memorized by those COOKIES! They look amazing
And I just so happen to have dried cherries at home!
ha ha – you crack me up with your comment to maci – I hope you have a date night soon – priceless!
Date night sounds a bit blah but has Tina Fey in it – I love her – so it can’t be that bad? Can it? Tina don’t sell out on me……
cutest, cutest CUTEST picture of Gigi with her cookie.
This post is AMAZING. And, don’t knock the free cookies. I loved them as a kid and actually won a Toys R Us gift card from the “cookie of the month club” from my local supermarket. I’m pretty sure I was awarded on a Wednesday and demanded to be taken that night to pick out my Barbie. I’m sure my parents were thrilled! So, be thankful your store is only offereing a cookie
hahahaha YOU have a way with words. seriously, my face inched closer and closer to the monitor as i read the detailed ramblings.
and would you stop posting delicious baked vegan treats? i can’t keep up. these will come next. can’t wait to see how the guys like the carrot bars tonight!
Fantastic recipe! White chocolate and dried cherries are such an delicious combination… I can’t wait to try these cookies.
Ok, can I just say that I LOVE you hate those TJ kid carts? I almost mentioned it on my blog but didn’t want to sound too insensitive when a cute little girl decided it would be fun to CONTINUOUSLY RAM that stupid cart into my leg as her mom watched and then turned to continue shopping without saying a word…
I think I was the only one who ended up feeling guilty because I almost let a four-letter word slip out as I felt the first surprise blow to the leg.
Hmmm… giving children their own shopping trolleys sounds like a very sly, clever trick by some marketing guru to encourage some ‘pester power’ natural-foods stylee! I used to love winding up by Dad by putting the random-est things I could find in the supermarket in the trolley, to see if I could get them through the checkout unnoticed. Such a terror! I watched a programme last night that left me absolutely in awe of what you and Pea Daddy are doing for your two little ones- despite the doubters who consistently leave less than complementary remarks, its worth checking this out (maybe in a few years from now when you actually have time?!) from an English perspective, where the childhood obesity epidemic/sugar overload is just emerging: http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00s2mh1/Panorama_Spoilt_Rotten/
Oh, look at me, I’ve written an essay. Again. Sorry!
oh my goodness…those look fabulous!!!
thanks for sharing the recipe!
=)
you know what’s funny? when Glenn (the bf) and I go out of town we always enjoy shopping at whole food, trader joe’s, and other gourmet grocery stores together…like it’s sick but we really enjoy doing that together..it’s “our” thing!! hahaha so don’t hate!
Mama Pea – you have seriously outdone yourself with these cookies! I couldn’t keep myself out of the dough… AND when baked, they’re that much more amazing!! I made these for a party tomorrow but not sure they’re going to make it… LOL Thanks for another amazing recipe!
Oh great!!! I’m so glad you enjoyed, Mandy!