Dinner for Dummies
I have become far, far dumber since having kids.
It amazes me how in a few short years my knowledge of law can go from writing a Third Year Paper on “The Unconstitutionality of the Exculpatory ‘No’ Doctrine” to having the basic conversation with Gigi that she must get herself buckled into her carseat in about thirty seconds because “Mr. Policeman will pull us over and get mad at mommy.”
I knew it was coming. When I was a kid, I would find it hilarious when my own mother would do things like call my first grade teacher to discuss the possibility of moving me up a grade and then fumble for fifteen minutes to remember our own phone number to give to my teacher to call her back. “Uh…yeah…what is our phone number? 588…72…oh wait, no 71. Okay, 588-71…um, I’m going to have to call you back. My kid’s smart though, I promise!”
My mom was in good company, though. One afternoon, her best friend, Linda obliviously parked their minivan in their garage while their bicycles were securely fastened upright in the van’s rooftop bicycle rack. I’m sure that phone call to her husband at work was bad, but probably not nearly as bad as when she had to call him the next week, to tell him she did the same thing again.
Clearly, we are talking about a level of idiocy that goes far beyond the occasional jar of peanut butter being returned to the freezer instead of the cupboard or locking your keys in the car four times in the same week (everybody does that, right?). We are talking about the kind of actions that have you being committed to the psych ward only to wake up finding that your head’s been shaved, your ex-husband is on Celebrity Fit Club, and your father’s in your kitchen unwrapping some Kraft Singles and stirring some instant grits for your breakfast.
In my mom’s friend Linda’s defense, she was an amazing seamstress and would often be up late constructing a costume or knitting a sweater. My own mom sacrificed sleep to painstakingly crimp every last inch of my insanely thick hair and to pack my lunch nearly every single day of my school career.
I’m blaming my own moronic move today on the fact that I was up until an ungodly hour writing. It really is just impossible to form a logical, let alone eloquent sentence when Lulu is shouting for me to watch her do her “Princess pole dance!” Somebody’s been watching too much Dancing With the Stars. But really, there is no better time than bedtime to write (or say…I don’t know, look at Facebook pictures of my college roomate’s ex-boyfriend’s cat, or hypothetically seek out the details about Glee’s Lady Gaga episode).
It was with a yawn and a tall cup of coffee that I went to Gigi’s preschool today to pick her and her schoolmate up, Lulu in tow, of course. Once the kids get out of class, it’s fairly chaotic, and Lulu isn’t always fond of being trampled, tickled and tugged by “the big kids.” Between the “Mom, look what I did today!”s the “Grab your coat!”s and the “Oh good, you got another cubbyfull of Easter candy,”s it’s easy to see how one might lose their mind. When the kids were released, I said goodbye to my other mom friends, grabbed Gigi’s backpack and coat, fumbled with our carpool friend’s belongings and her carseat and shuffled the older two kids out the door.
All of a sudden, it dawned on me, “Where’s Lulu?!” I scanned the clusters of kids for her lime green windbreaker.
Nothing.
I looked behind me, to see if she was just out of my line of sight.
Not a pigtail to be seen.
“Gigi, where’s your sister?!” I shouted out the school door. Meanwhile, my mom “friends” were just watching me and waiting for me to realize that my panic was as pointless as an hour long result show on American Idol. I shifted my weight to my right side, and instantly found that Lulu had been in my arms, perched safely on my left hip the entire time. With a wave, a curtsy and a little hug for Lulu, I gladly made my way home.
Dinner was an easy one tonight. I’ve got no lunches to pack or crimping irons to manipulate, and the girls, well, they’ve got the costumes covered all on their own.
Chipotle Lime Tempeh Tacos
Sauce/Marinade:
- 3 T. canned chipotles in adobo sauce (I use one pepper and 2 T. sauce, but you can adapt the spiciness by adding more peppers)
- 2 T. water
- 2 T. lime juice
- 1/2 t. salt
- 1 t. coriander
- 1 t. cumin
- 1-2 T. agave
- 2 tsp. soy sauce
Tacos:
- 1 pkg. organic tempeh
- taco shells (Garden of Eatin’ makes an organic variety)
- taco trimmings: lettuce, tomato, pico de gallo, olives and organic sour cream and cheese, if desired
Blend all marinade ingredients until smooth.
Using a hand grater or a food processor, grate tempeh until it resembles the texture of ground beef. Add tempeh to marinade and combine well.
Allow to marinate for several hours or overnight.
Preheat a skillet sprayed with cooking spray and saute tempeh until heated through and slightly toasted.
Warm taco shells and fill with spoonfuls of the tempeh.
Top with your desired trimmings.
And get some sleep already.
Note: Today is the end of a full week of vegan BFL. Check out the results so far here.
I remember my mom doing things like that, too. Don’t crush me – is that really going to happen to me someday??
Is it bad that I do stuff like this now?
I was watching Wanda Sykes doing some comedy special recently. She’s like “I was talking to a friend on my cell phone and then started digging around in my bag. My friend noticed that I was distracted and asked me what I was looking for. I said, ‘I can’t find my cell phone.’ And my friend replied, ‘Oh, well when you find it, call me back.”
I remember my mom doing things like that and I am now following in her footsteps.
How crazy that tempeh looks just like ground chicken in that picture?
haha oh no! What a day
Love that last pic …gorgeous!!!
Oh my god I’ve been craving tacos like crazy. This is a must make on my list!
I love reading your stories! No children for me yet, but this definitely brings back memories of my mom…She’s had to deal with five of us. I imagine that takes a toll on ones sanity ha-ha
And I thought I was bad for panicking when I couldn’t find my key after Sat’s long run – it must have fallen out, oh no…only to realize it was already in my hand. Yours takes the cake – at least until my next dumb-a** move. Crazy girl…writing, late nights, toning an already-awesome body, you’re my idol. Tacos look great, by the way, I’ll have to try them sometime!
So considering i have planned free-time on saturday to cook for my family for easter dinner, i am stealing three recipes from you and making a huge feast out of it! I have wanted to try so many of your creations for so long, and this weekend will be the one! I am psyched. And i am betting you have only gained knowledge since grad school! You are a fab writer, practically a nutritionist and mother to two kids who are going to grow up to be pro athletes or something the way you feed them. Maybe the fact that you didn’t know you were holding Lulu is evidence you are getting stronger from this BFL program! Look on the brightside
I just did the tempeh “taco meat” last week! I love that, and also crumbling tempeh into marinara and letting it simmer for a bit. Great “meat” sauce, and the marinara/ tempeh especially makes for a super quick meal over some spaghetti squash/ regular pasta.
P.S. I adore reading all of your posts, it makes me think so much about being a mom one day (in a good way! …most of the time!
)
oh my gosh. that story is priceless. PRICELESS. this is why you need to blog forever. to document today.
ahaha.. “look at Facebook pictures of my college roomate’s ex-boyfriend’s cat,” this is what my sister, mother of 3 girls, does until the wee hours of the night. i swear that woman is the busiest person i know yet shes always calling me with the latest FB gossip. i am like, how do you KNOW all this or have time to find it out??
anyway. tacos look so awesome! we had tacos tonight too
xoxo
That chipotle lime marinade sounds so delicious! I love that combination of flavors. I need to try it!
HIGHlarious! You are now legend, I’m sure.
The bike story reminded me of the time at Christmas when driving home Chris and I chatted away proudly about our perfect tree that was strapped to the roof of the car and then promptly drove it into the garage thus threading multiple branches through the handle of the garage door, not to mention squashing it against our garage ceiling.
And that was a group effort on BOTH our parts. It wasn’t funny at the time, but it is now!
Glad you got home with both kids and no tickets!
Mom’s have the most unique ways of making themselves memorable!
The tacos look awesome! I need to try to use tempeh this way.
Thanks for sharing your recipe; I never thought to grate the tempeh!!!
Bahahaha! That story is straight-up hilarious.
Did you watch American Idol last night? I could not watch Didi get kicked off, as it’s like someone kicking a puppy repeatedly. Seacrest is really, really getting on my last nerve too.
Those tacos look delicious. What did you have them with?
I know what you mean…I swear I look at myself all the time and wonder how I became my mother! Seriously, when did that happen??? At least you know that, sub consciencely, Lulu will be safe with you!
THIS STORY IS HILARIOUS!!!!
I have done that before…. but not with a person! Only with sunglasses and such.
Thanks for making my morning full of laughs!
I do stuff like that without kids, so I can’t imagine how bad I’m goingn to be with them.
Why have I never thought of grating tempeh? You might have just changed my life!
These tacos sound delicious! I wonder if it’s bad that I have moments like the one you had today already and I only have myself to take care of…
Mama Pea,
I read your comments about veganism on the HEAB blog and was very intrigued with your arguments. I don’t think giving up meat is right for me right now but the more I think of it the thought of drinking cow’s milk distrubs me for the reasons you outlined in your comment. I’m not a big milk drinker but I do use it in all my baking and love to bake. If I wanted to remove cow’s milk from my diet would I just substitute it with almond milk or something else in all my recipes? Or will all the proportions change? Any baby steps you can offer to send me in the right direction?
Hi Lex, as far as baking goes, if you aren’t anti-soy, I find it to be a better replacement in baking and smoothies, simply because it tastes richer to me. If you are using milk on your cereal or oats, I think almond milk is just fine. Really, though, some people don’t like soy in their diet, so almond milk is a good substitute across the board. There’s no need to adjust the amounts or proportions in baking or cooking. Eggs are a little bit trickier, though…
I think I birthed my brain along with my child when I had her. I have done my fair share of mindless things.
Your post is histerical!!! Thanks for the reminder that we are all human and all lose our minds once in awhile.
On another note your dinner looks so yummy!
i don’t even have children and i do stuff like that all the time!!!
ha.ha.ha.
I can feel sympathetic and laugh my head off at the same time, right?
That is seriously the best use of temph I’ve ever seen. Amazing tacos!
Also? Let’s take a moment to reflect on the fact that BFL is so totally working for you already that you don’t even notice you are carrying around a toddler. Hello rockstar pipes!
WOW!!! Those tacos look really, really amazing. I’m going to try this recipe!!!
Happy Easter to you, your husband, and the little superheros
Haha I love it! I’ve done that before with my phone, which is like my child in a way…
mama pea…you rule. if it makes you feel any better, my mom once left my sister at a park. she shlepped the rest of us home, before realizing she did so.
also, she once forgot to pick my sister up from softball practice, so my sister sat at the field for two hours waiting. she was 12 and didn’t speak to my mom for a week.
you and mama everythingtarian would get along swimmingly. and i mean that in the best of ways
Ha ha. One of my law school friends is convinced people get dumb when they have kids. She’s made me promise not to stop reading… LOL.
Yummmmmm. I’m going to make tempeh tacos this weekend. I’m also going to try a vegan enchilada recipe I’ve yet to invent. I’ll email it to you if you are interested.
Thanks for your blog (and honesty) – it’s refreshing!
will you frame that superhero photo for me? so classic with gigi clearly proclaiming some important superhero information, and lulu kind of like, ummmm i’m wearing this costume, can we get to the action already???
oh, and realizing you have “mom brain” is half the battle… my mother is now over 60 and still insists she’s sharp as a tack… denial is an ugly ugly thing…
Moms make plenty of mistakes, don’t worry
I can’t even remember how many times my parents forgot to pick me up from school/daycare/gymnastics and now I’m an Ivy League student, lol!
Those tacos look wonderful. I’ve really been wanting a taco/burrito/fajita lately. Mmmm.
OMG, just one thing I get to look forward to when I have kids, LOL!
Glad everyone made it home safe and sound!!
xoxo
Gotta love what having kids do to our brains. I think my mind hasn’t been right since I got pregnant.
OH NO!! I already do that stuff, I also confuse my nieces names up a lot.
I think babies (not mine, my nieces) play with our brains a bit. I will prove it one day.
Also wow at the tempeh love, I got all excited once about finding it in a health store, saw some bloggers eating it raw and decided to try it, it tasted like really really bad stinky cheese or feet and smelt like parmesan which smells like feet. Maybe cooking it would’ve been a clever idea.
Also wow on the BFL, it seems awesome, I would love to see how it works for you as I am a vegetarian who tries very hard to avoid dairy also.
Eh, I wouldn’t worry about “mommy brain” too much. I remember my mom “losing” her sunglasses several times, and they always turned up…on top of her head. I am quite a forgetful Frita these days, but I don’t even have kids as an excuse yet. Uh oh.
Love your trick of grating tempeh–must try that soon!
Going on my “to make” list!!
Well, I put cooked tortellini in the tupperware and put the tupperware back in the cabinet the other day…apparently…
ah, motherhood. How necessary that we do forget, that the species can survive…
Haha, love the “curtsy” line; I totally envisioned the whole scene playing out. Bravo! Brava!
that is hysterical. it reminds me of when my husband was talking to a friend in the house adn then got into his car and drove away. all of a sudden he said the phone got all fuzzy and cut out–he had taken the house cordless phone with him instead of his cell!
ohhh that happens to me all the time! lol its not so bad is it? only mortifying, embarassing, crazy, etc.. but its ok right?! : )
I have “lost” a child that was in my arms the entire time before. Though I do have 5 boys, which means you will often hear me counting under my breath, (or not)….”1, 2, 3, 4, 5″
Mama Pea, Just wanted to let you know that we thought these were so delicious. Cooked them up tonight and I have to say that it was our first time trying tempeh and I almost chickened out and cooked some pinto beans to be on the safe side. I was so afraid we weren’t going to like it! But, they were awesome and we will definitely make them again. Thanks again for all that you do, esp. for those of us who are flirting with veganism.
You are welcome. I’ll even forgive that you made beans too
I made this tempeh/marinade the other night and loved it! I was a little worried it was going to be too spicy for me but it was just right. Thanks for the recipe!