Filling the Hole
One of the pastors at my church has a knack for saying the right things in a completely wrong way (I hear a collective groan from all you readers who are tired of all my preachy type posts, but bear with me, because I’m risking an eternity in hell by criticizing my pastor to make a point on a food blog).
One week during a packed service, he told the whole congregation that he realized he should be tithing more when his sister said she was giving 15% of her income, “and she’s JUST a lay person.” Hmm…like all of us?
Another week we showed up to hear him preach about how if the time you are spending in prayer with God is the twenty minutes on your way to work, well, “that simply isn’t good enough.” Maybe I will just go back to texting and reading blogs on my iPhone on the way to preschool.
Yesterday’s sermon, though, took the cake. For the ten minutes that I wasn’t tending to the eruption in Lulu’s pants or ripping Strawberry Orbit from her kung fu grip, I was treated to the important lesson about the cookie cutter type hole that some Christians want you to believe that you have in your heart. They want you to believe that the hole you are trying to fill with sex, drugs and material possessions can be filled with Jesus, and get this, “that just isn’t the case.”
Come again?!
He went on, “A relationship with God probably won’t make your life on Earth much better, in fact it may make it worse, but you’ll get your reward in heaven.”
I did what I’ve done the last few Sundays when he’s made such proclamations and looked around at my fellow worshipers who are all frantically glancing at each other like, “Is he really saying this?! I let my kid get out of brushing her teeth, skipped a second cup of coffee and broke 12 traffic laws to get here fifteen minutes late for this?!”
Strangely enough, I get what my pastor was saying, I just think he could have gone a different way about saying it. Perhaps something as simple as, “Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven.” That has a nice ring to it…
As they often do, my thoughts turned to food, fitness and blogging. Unlike Pastor Foot in the Mouth, I do often feel that many of us are walking around with cookie cutter type holes in our hearts. We look for the “perfect” diet, the pinnacle athletic achievement and the ideal weight to fill that emptiness. I know you’ve done it, I’ve done it to. “If I become a high raw vegan, if I run a marathon, if I get down to “X” pounds,” then I will be full. Then you put your plan into action. You buy a juicer and spend half your paycheck on organic produce. You train 20+ hours a week and maybe even suffer through injuries and illness to run that sub-four hour marathon. You count every calorie and account for every morsel of food so you can reach that scale weight you have your holey heart set on. And then what happens?
Suddenly, you feel a sharp breeze hit you, and as the icy air strikes your body you hear a whistle as it blows through your chest and out the other side, the whistle of a still unfulfilled hole.
I believe that the main reason we have an obesity epidemic in America is because we are all trying to fill our holes, and it just so happens that addictive, processed food is readily available for patching your soul. The same can be said for a quest for perfectionism when it comes to diet and fitness. I am all for advocating a better way of eating, an active lifestyle, a transition to veganism, but I’m not going to mislead you into thinking that if you eat like me or workout like me that it will fill your holes. There are so many bigger things in life that are better equipped to make you whole: family and/or friends,
laughter,
whatever spiritual beliefs you carry,
reflection upon what you have,
and pursuing your true passions.
If I were taking Pastor Shock and Awe’s approach, I’d say, “Reading this blog won’t make your life better.”
Lucky for me, writing it has. Thank you all, for helping me fill my hole.
Chocolate-Covered Dates with Filling
- medjool dates
- melted quality chocolate
- almonds, peanuts or nut butter for filling
Melt chocolate in microwave or double boiler.
Open dates and make sure all of pits have been removed.
Stuff with filling of your choice.
Dip in melted chocolate and set aside to dry, placing in the refrigerator or freezer, if desired.
I’ve got some soul reinforcing to do now, so maybe in the future there will be one less hole to fill.
Those dates look delicous!
Writing AND reading blogs has changed my life and made me a better person. I hear ya!
yum yum yum! Love those dates!!!
Very true. I like this post. Your so introspective today
Wow you reminded me how much I love dates.
Great post, it’s amazing what a nice comment on a blog can do for you day or how deep a online friendship can become. Those just some of the things that fill my heart.
i say keep it up with the “preachy” posts if you feel the need to! i think this was a great read and definitely something i’ve been considering in my own faith. i did/do have a hole that i tried to fill with disordered eating (i.e. CONTROL and PRIDE), and the only thing that can fill it is a relationship with Jesus. I don’t know if I agree with the way your pastor worded things at all, but I’m thankful that I do know that my reward in heaven is great!
Awwwwwmazing post!
I agree that there are bad things to fill the hole with and then there are good things. I agree that friends and laughter can work wonders, as witnessed by this past weekend. Love is also a great hole-filler, as well as goodwill. Not the Goodwill, just good will and good deeds.
And there are some spots in the hole that can only be filled with chocolate.
oooh are those lulu’s new bathroom bribe?
i get it. stop chasing something that will make you better and just enjoy what you already have.
I completely agree with you and pastor foot in the mouth. Blogging has been a great outlet for me if people read it or not. I read what I like too. I relate a lot with you and your family on many levels. I appreciate that you share because it makes me feel a little more “normal”…or just not alone! Thanks for that!
Wow. That was beautifully-stated truth right there!
Great post and thanks for sharing your viewpoint with us. It reminds us how important it is to take a moment to put things into perspective sometimes. As you said, healthy living is a wonderful goal to have, but certainly shouldn’t be an obsession as that only makes way for disappointment and guilt.
Love your blog!
So you write this beautiful post, and all I can think is “Thats what she said!”… you’re rubbing off on me woman
Love you!
Wonderful post…so true about trying to fill the holes with diets, exercise, etc.
Here ya go!!!
I have lost 100lbs. That’s right (you on a good day..jk) and I have felt EMPTY for the past 10 years. That’s right kids, 10 mother trucking years I have been worried how my points I was eating, when my Weigh-In day should be so I could actually go out, if I was going to be thin enough.
I lost about 100lbs and then started dating my ex. I wanted him to think that I was amazing and I did feel good until, at the beginning of our relationship, goes ‘Michelle, I have problem with your weight’. (I was 100lbs down and a Size 12).
I lost those last 20lbs for him.
MY HOLE GREW!!!!!
We broke up, me 125lbs total later, and I binged. I binged for over the past year. I stuffed and stuffed and stuffed my hole with food. The funny thing is, that when you stuff your hole with food, it just gets bigger.
Fast forward, 35lbs heavier, totally messed up body, and the biggest hole I have had. I tried to shrink it with dieting, straving, over-exercising, online dating.
But my faith saved me.
I was hanging clothes two nights ago on the line, after a good preach from a preist where he goes ‘Jesus, live God’s plan. So many of you here tonight aren’t doing that and are living for things outside of yourself to make you feel at peace, happy, full. You’re robbing yourself of this amazing plan.’
I sat there.
You see, I have never trusted myself to lose weight by listening to my body. I have never trusted myself to let someone in romantically because I have never felt I was ‘enough’ for something. I obsess about grades, about what people think of me.
This is all to try and shrink the hole.
I cried whilst hanging laundry because for the FIRST time in my LIFE I felt beautiful. I felt like I was looking at my hole and saying ‘I will shrink you with me, my love for myself and my faith’
1 Peter 5:6-11 sealed the deal for me.
Take the xian out of it and what it boils down to is having enough faith in yourself to shrink your hole, stitch it up with the beauty and strength of your own hands.
~michelle
We have a handful of pastors in our church that alternate Sunday’s and I do have my favorites. And some Sunday’s the message doesn’t quite sit well with me, so I go to the only accurate source I know. B.I.B.L.E. Pastors are put on this pedestal and in some ways they should. They are our leaders in all, but there human, and sometimes not every Sunday is going to be dynamic and life changing. Sometimes there going to say the wrong thing or maybe the right thing but taken wrong. The important thing is your there and in fellowship with other believers. It’s great that you took his misunderstanding message and searched your own heart on the matter and came to a solution that gave you peace. Great post….and yummy looking dates:)
This is such perfect timing. I’m going through a peer-counseling group at my church, and this is exactly the kind of thing we’re going through; we call them “empty wells”- wells you just keep trying to fill up and fill up with food, or control, or your job, or relationships, exercise… but they never fill up.
We just talked about it yesterday, and it’s really been nagging at me. On the one hand I think it’s perfectly acceptable to want to be healthier and be concious of what you’re putting into your body, but it can easily spiral out of control into obsession and a point of control. Neither is wrong, I just think you need to decide for YOU what is ok, and when it’s too much.
Love it. Thank you.
I am normally not a cheeseball, but I am a sucker for your posts
I feel like you wrote this one directly to me (you did, didn’t you?).
Thanks!
Maybe just a little
Really great post, thank you! I disagree with the sentiment that faith and following God won’t make your life better, I think you get out of something what you put into it and what you are willing to receive from it. Faith can be very comforting. So is your blog!
I totally agree with you. I always say that in a choice between losing the “last 5 lbs” and watching every single bite that you ever eat, give me the 5 lbs and bring on the dark chocolate and red wine (in moderation….. sometimes). It’s no excuse to go out and eat anything and everything but its not worth giving up the things you really love like a fresh batch of cookies with your kids or a night at the bar with friends to be just that last few lbs lighter bc chances are you will be more lonely and unhappy when you get there.
Such a wonderful insight! I couldn’t agree with you more. And you’re right, I think your pastor could have maybe used his words more wisely, but I do understand what he was saying. Even Christians try to fill that “void” and even though we claim that having a relationship with God will be the only thing that will actually bring ultimate contentment, it’s not necessarily realistic to believe that by having that relationship we will never feel that emptiness ever again. Even though I have a relationship with God, I still feel the same “holes” in my heart from time to time and try to fill them with material things that I believe will make me happy for the time being.
I love that you shared your thoughts on this!
I think this is such a great take on your pastors “mis-worded” message. If more people had your train of thought, many things (including religion) could make a lot more sense to a lot more people.
Anywho, I completely agree with you. For so long (and still occasionally) I find myself searching for the “perfect workout” that will make my day “perfect”, then I remind myself that no one part of a day or a life can dictate the goodness or wholeness of it. We are creatures that are a sum of our parts, not just parts. I think I just went off on a tangent, but you’ve got me being all thoughtful on a Monday night.
Thanks for sharing with us!
What a great post. It reminds me of something a friend said to me once. I was getting ready to graduate college and I made the comment that I couldn’t wait for my life to get started. He laughed at me and said, “what do you call this? this IS life.” I often think of this when times seem tough, or when I’m being hard on myself. We need to take time to live for the NOW. Thanks for such a powerful post.
Oh my pastor foot in mouth needs to rethink his well intentioned be bad statements.
But I totally agree with your post. I had to come to this realization when my goal weight wasn’t realistic and I needed to just be me. I’d rather enjoy life than seek perfection.
What a great post. I definitely go around trying the fill that empty hole…this was an eye opener. Thank you so much.
Awww – what a beautiful post, Mama Pea!
So inspirational…
Have a great week!
Brazilian XOXO´s,
Gabriela
Actually, I think your pastor is awesome. I know too many people who cling to a single facet of their lives–diet, career, religion, domestic bliss–and ignore all of their underlying problems, thinking that Jesus or Atkins or Martha Stewart will make it all better. Prayer is good. Health is good. Promotions and spotless kitchens are good. But they’re not /everything/. Sometimes we just need to exist.
Great post!!
and way to end it…with chocolate and dates, YUM!
I’ve got a date with that recipe now tomorrow night
It’s like saying, “I’ll be happy when …” it’s really hard, but worth it to be happy right now with what you have. And I wonder – I know peole who have lost weight and they do feel better or happier. What’s up with that? Is the happiness really from something else, but attributes to the weight or is the happiness temporary and contingent on that weight?
Great post…I think we are all trying to fill that empty hole! I am so guilty of looking at other people and thinking if only I had this or that then I would be complete! Not the case at all.
Delicious looking dates. Those might fill the hole!!
MamaPea, thank you for this wonderful post. It’s so true. I’ve done a lot of what you’ve listed to “fill a hole,” and over time, I realized that I’m not that holey. Life is truly amazing, and the people in my life? There are no words.
Aaand I’m teary.
Love you. xoxo
Hey Mama Pea! I am a new follower and I just have to say that I love your blog. Seeing those two little jumping beans as well as great food is such a change from a lot of those blogs that just focus on what the person ate throughout the day (don’t get me wrong, I like those too – heck, mine is like that sometimes!). By the way, this post was epic. I loved the way you put it into words. Filling that hole is hard and I am still struggling with it. However, I found a great guy who is patching it up along with some other successes and dreams that are coming true in my life. With these things and more I think my hole will be filled in no time. I need to stop focusing on my body and comparisons and just feed my hole, feed my soul!
First the dates. Nice. I stuff mine with sunflower seed butter and choc chips, but now I can actually bathe them in choc sauce. Perfect!
Next protein power, hope that wasn’t ill-received. Sorry. I felt bad.
Next, this post. Love it! We are always all searching. And then what, we get it. And it’s on to the next thing. And the thing we tried so hard for is just….meh. And we must look elsewhere to really be fulfilled. Truly simple prose, much harder to enact. Lovely post.
Finally, I posted about veganism an hour or so ago. If you have time, I would love to hear your take on it. I know you went from veggie to vegan and I really don’t think there’s an epic difference (gasp, i know), but the point of my post was veganism for compassion. I would love to hear where on the spectrum you fall, from health reasons to compassion, etc. If you have time. I have never done a post like this, so it was a first for me to put it out there.
xoxo
Glad your hole was filled.
Lol.
Beautifully said. You know, I’ve had it in my head before that being X weight would fill the hole, or eating “perfectly” for X amount of time would fill the hole, but you know what, it doesn’t. It’s such a hard realization, and even afterwards, that is when the real work starts. That is where I am now…trying to figure out what it is that I need to fulfill myself
I don’t even have to tell you how much i relate all of your posts to my life! For whatever amount of time it takes you to come to all of these realizations, your contributions to others are ten thousand times that amount. It’s pretty weird how i feel as if i learned more by just reflecting on your past few posts than i have in class those days. You are the definition of role-model in my mind, and i can only hope that one day i am as open and comfortable with my life as you are!
Wow…I agree I would have phrased what he said differently. I love how you’ve taken it and run with it though. Your post was very sweet and you have a beautiful family. Blogging helps fill my hole too.
Yet another HOMERUN post, Mama Pea. I love you!
God has give us so many wonderful blessings and it’s amazing to count them…even if they give us some trouble sometimes.
Wonderful post! I am totally inspired by life-changes other bloggers have made to follow their passions.
great post. my husband and I were just talking about this. I’m tempted to look to my husband to fulfill me, and I get so anxious about something happening to him. But we’ve been praying that I”ll find my fulfillment in God and let Him be the true love of my life, and my husband second. it seems messed up, but only when my priorities are like that can I be truly at peace. it’s hard though. so yeah, not exactly food related, but I can relate anyway
Amen sister! It’s funny, I just went to a Women’s Conference on Saturday and the guest speaker touched on the same topic, only she said it much better
It made me realize that I had been trying to fill that hole with food, whether I cared to admit it or not. And like you said, there is so much more to life. Thanks for writing this blog!
I am LOVING your posts lately! Thanks for opening up and sharing another part of yourself with us.
As for Pastor Foot in Mouth, don’t we all have one of those?
Lovely post, my friend. As I always tell clients: if you’re hoping food (or fitness, or having rock hard abs) will provide a sense of self worth, you’re barking up the wrong tree in a big way. This is a great meditation on that idea — thanks!
Excellent post, Mama Pea. Just what the doctor ordered for me on this drab Tuesday morning where not a deep thought has entered my brain. I needed this.
no groaning over here! i’m having a bit of a Kanye moment right now. i haven’t even gotten pass the sentence about the “collective groan” and i had to chime in. i adore your writing and your posts have wonderful messages. i’ve been touched by your outlook and even your faith (re: the pigeon). so please, keep it coming.
ok, i’mma let you finish now…
I mean – you write this wonderful post, and I’m all like AWW! and Ah-HA! and Man, I need to just LIVE – and I’m feeling all sentimental and then you end it with “helping me fill my hole” – YOU KNEW I WOULD FALL FOR THAT! So now, instead of being all nice and stuff – I’m all “TWSS” – LOL, LOL, LOL, “she said hole”. It’s officially Lulu is more mature than me.
I’ve gotta grow up…
I really really needed to read this right now. Thank you.
Great post Mamma Pea! I shared this one with my husband who got a real kick out of you pastor’s sermon.
I’m with alli too… I kept laughing when you said fill your hole… ;P
-Mary
This is a great post. So many people (myself included) get stuck trying to make themselves whole. Thank you so much for writing it and reminding me that my life is great and I am enough…right now. You’ve been doing more posts like this lately and I think it’s just fantastic. Don’t get me wrong, the recipes are awesome, but I really appreciate reading honest emotion more than a laundry list of the food you eat in a day (I’m not singling you out, I mean to apply that to all bloggers). So thank you for sharing your thoughts.
wow. that is crazy about what the pastor says. ummm.. that is how it always was when i went to church. the LDS religion says some not so tactful things.
anyway.
i LOVE the way you linked this all back to fitness/eating. and then went a step further with a hole filling recipe. your creativity helps fill my hole
it is true though.. we have this idea of what we need to be and THEN and only then will we be happy.. or so we think. well, i have been on both ends of the spectrum (as far as one end of fitness goals and the other) and being my “ideal” weight and body fat percentage didn’t make my life whole. in fact, i am happier now.. heavier, lazier and eating less strict. it is because of the things that FILL my hole these days. blogs, blog friends, fiance, wedding plans, family, etc. etc.
ok now i have just rambled. thanks for making me think and smile today.
i love your “why so serious” posts.. they are awesome..
i agree with you, he may not have known how to deliver the message correctly to not make it a foot in mouth moment.. but im glad you took the time to think about it and understand what he was trying to say.
Have you read the book, The Sacred Romance? My fiance and i are reading that together- talking about how our faith starts and then drifts away as we get caught up in “stuff” and addictions and we think just by going through the motions we are ok. it kind of relates to diet and exercise, we start off gung-ho and going at it to get healthy, lose weight, be more compassionate, and sometimes it loses its flavor, we miss the drive we had, the “romance” in working out and then we are just doing it out of guilt, habit, or unwillingly (did that make any sense.. lol or did i just sound completely beserk?)
i think i need a chocolate break, im going nuts..
thsoe dates.. YUM!
I was going to say something along the lines of being happy to help you fill your hole until I realized that no matter how I phrase it, well I’m just going to sound like a perv.
But you know what I mean! I hope.
That was a BEAUTIFUL post!
Mama Pea, you always help fill my hole…just seeing pictures of Gigi and Lulu bring me joy each time I read a post – seriously.
That being said, thanks for the reminder of what should be filling my hole.
BEAUTIFUL!! All filled up
)
wowee she looks soo much like u in this pic
xx
You’re so right about trying to fill that hole with “could, should, must, persevere, try harder, do better”. It just gives you more wants–want a juicer, want some workout wear, need this book or that computer gadget, need need need to be a better parent, make more time, spend more time. A degree of self doubt it normal. It keeps us humble, and of course we must try to do our best at the tasks we are given and those we choose, but I truly believe that loving each other and enjoying life, with a thankful attitude, are the best ways to praise God/Goddess.
If I make those dates I’m only making 2 because I would eat 40 if I had them.. In one sitting.. YUM
I’m just catching up (so goes the practice of law), but this post was one of your best yet! It really touched my heart.
How beautiful. I for one don’t mind your spiritual writings; I enjoy them!
I think that for all of us, gratification comes in different forms…those vacancies can be filled by processed food, alcohol, too much tv, etc…or we can spend a little more time on gratitude and our less damaging passions. For me, I am trying to strike a balance continually.
I think I may speak for everyone when I say your blog is as much a blessing for us as it is for you Mama Pea!!!
Oh wow Mama Pea – this was fantastic. Your pastor sounds a bit nutty, but I’m glad he said what he did on this particular Sunday because it led to you writing an incredibly fantastic post. I need to get back into reading your blog regularly again – I’m sorry I’ve been MIA! Thank you for this, and for your wonderfully meaningful comment on my blog..