What a Faker!
I totally faked my way through a workout this morning and then had a deep yearning for Oats In a Jar. Unfortunately (or fortunately?), all my nut butter receptacles are full. Empty jars? Those I have.
I made Fake Oatmeal in a Jar!
In a play on Courtney’s upside down oats, I put a dollop of almond butter in an empty jar, and then smeared it all around like I’d been sneaking baby spoonfuls, carrot swipes and finger scoops out of the jar for weeks days.
I then put in some pumpkin oatbran (about 1/4 c. of each, cooked with almond milk, cinnamon and nutmeg), but the jar was still lacking volume, so I put some chopped apple and granola on top.
What a faker.
Later this morning while I faked being an attentive housewife by folding and putting away laundry (and obsessively plucking my eyebrows), the girls played their own game of pretend.
Gigi was the “Mommy,” hence the baby, and self-important literature.
Lulu was the “Daddy,” hence the cocky smirk and lack of pants. She really got into her role.
This afternoon I completely copied the ornament that Gigi brought home last week by to turning it into a fake gift for unsuspecting neighbors, friends and relatives (don’t worry, there’s more to it, you sneaky neighbors, friends and relatives who are reading this).
We ran to the craft store and got all of our supplies: cookie cutters, glue, glitter and ribbon.
We painted on the glue,
put the glitter in Ziploc bags,
dropped the cookie cutter in,
and shook like a braless Aretha Franklin.
We let them dry and are going to tie on ribbons tomorrow. After all the crafting, my kitchen looked like Tinkerbell ate some bad shellfish, but it was worth it.
Right now they are a great fake centerpiece for our table.
For dinner, I totally pulled a fake-out. One of my favorite meals of all time has got to be a Reuben sandwich. I think I ate one every day I was pregnant with Gigi, followed by Cheddar and Sour Cream potato chips and a Root Beer Float. Every night. Maybe that’s why I gained 70 pounds (!) and looked like a Rubens painting when I gave birth.
So with a dream in my head and glitter in my pants, I set off to make a Vegan Reuben Salad.
I started with a base of spinach and red cabbage.
I fried up some tempeh bacon which I had to scold Daddy from eating while I was cooking it.
I had to check myself, asking, “Did I just snap at you for eating tempeh bacon?!” Uh, that wasn’t me, that was your fake wife.
My fake Russian dressing was more authentic than Dolph Lundgren in Rocky IV. I mixed equal parts of ketchup and Annie’s Honey Dijon Dressing (I’d rather hang out in the Jersey Shore hot tub without antibiotics than eat mayonaise, vegan or not), and added in a spoonful of sweet pickle relish and a splash of apple cider vinegar.
The finished product was the base of spinach and red cabbage, topped with sauerkraut, tempeh bacon, caraway seeds, a sprinkle of nutritional yeast and all drizzled with Russian dressing.
Fake or not, no Reuben is complete without a side of (carrot) fries and a pickle.
So fakin’ good.
I might rename this the “Tina Fey/Sarah Palin Salad,” because the imitation could very well be better than the real thing. I’m now going to head off to bed. I’d say something about how there will be no faking involved, but I’d like to at least pretend to have some degree of taste and decency.
What a faker.
The cookie cutters are SO fakin’ pretty! I hope they don’t use them for real (and not fake) and end up with glittery cookies
Thanks for the giggle! I had a crapola day and really needed the laugh.
I swear those glittery cookie cutters are simple genius! LOVE them! They are filling my Grinchy heart right now with angelic joy.
i have been reading your blog for only a few weeks. I had no idea you were in Oregon. I am from oregon, now living in southern california. I was feeling homesick, but after reading about that HORRID weather, the flashbacks i experiened made me thankful for today’s 70 degree weather (muahahaha!) i really enjoy your blog!
Hahahah, I love your Sarah Palin/Tina Fey salad – brilliant idea!
Those homemade tree ornaments are such a good idea, I’m a sucker for sparkles so my tree would be absolutely decked out.
Another lovely post, thank you!
First of all.. LMAO at Lulu’s pantsless smirk! And I totally agree about mayonnaise–so gross, I won’t even put it on hubby’s sandwiches because I always seem to get a greasy smear on my fingers. Your salad looks DELICIOUS! I love a reuben and I see a Tina Fey/Sara Palin salad in my future! Thanks for the idea, and have a great pea-filled day!
I wondered how that ornament was made! And I thought it was fun peeling glue off my hand – someone actually turned this past time into an ornament!
70 lbs? I don’t believe it! (and I’m cackling and evil cackle as I type!)
I love those Christmas ornaments – such a creative idea!
You know, I have been wanting to make oats in a jar for way too long, but I NEVER seem to have a near empty jar. Ummm, HELLO! You are brilliant?!?! Why wouldn’t I just use a fake version?
I love the crafts. Honestly, I think LuLu and GiGi did a far better job than I could ever do with those gorgeous ornaments!
So sparkly and glamourous.
Have a great day hun!
Whoa mama, 70 lbs! I’m sure that was refreshing for some women out there to read.
Some of the items in this post aside, you are as real as it gets
Haha love it!!! Fake it ’til you make it, right!? =)
Love the oats in Jar! =)
Love the cookie cutter idea! Very cute!
I love the fake oats in a jar! Great idea.
that’s a genius way of using cookie cutter! that plates of “cookie cutter” looks really festival , love’em!!
oh my gosh – your fakin’ OIAJ idea is hilarious! And genius. I love how you replicated it like you’d been workin’ that jar for days! haha
That rueben salad looks amazing!
Well done Sarah…I love the entire theme and of course, the last little bit at the end. I have no class – there’s no such thing as TMI for me!
I tried tempeh for the first time yesterday and I am in LOVE! I had a salad at Mellow Mushroom and it was amazing. I’m not sure if it always tastes that good or if they put some kind of seasoning on it though. Do you normally just cook it as is?
The Lulu-no-pants-Daddy Pea comment was hilarious…and do you come up with these craft ideas on your own? They’re awesome! I’d never think to do something like that but it’s a great idea.
I love the cute little jar!!
So glad I get to start my mornings out with you.. as weird as that sounds..??
when i pop out kids i’m gonna remember your crafts and use them with my kids…WHEN and if i have kids.
As a teacher I was told the best ideas were not stolen or fakes they were “borrowed.” Those ornaments look fun for the girls and I’m sure the receipients will love them.
And that salad looks good.
Your posts help me to cheer up a bit sometimes, you know
Beautiful pictures, playful words, christmas fun…hope u have a wonderful day.
(thanks so much for commenting on my blog recently…I love reading yours and have added you to my blogroll…I am boring, but would love if you drop by when you might like …or add me to your blogroll , but i know you have a ton of friends
Man I missed your humor!! The girls are getting so big. I swear I stop reading for a few weeks and I can see a world of difference in them. Still cute as ever though
.
70 lbs really? I don’t believe it. It must have been all baby. hehe
~Justine
I might have to make some of those cookie cutter ornaments for next year when I actually get a tree! Thanks for sharing that
Girl.. you never fail to make me laugh.. I catch up on my google reader on my blackberry on my commute into work.. (no need to worry I take a bus) haha.. and I sit there laughing to myself whenever I read your post.. People must think I am crazy.. I should just tell them..nope it’s Momma Pea
Hilariously awesome.
Though the topic of this blog post is on “faking,” I think you and the lifestyle you lead is down-to-earth and very real in every way.
Thank you for your constant inspiration.
I made tempeh reubens a while back – they were delicious! http://randomteaspoon.blogspot.com/2009/10/tempeh-reubens.html
I LOVE the gift idea! Maybe that will keep Maya busy for a few hours this weekend…or a few minutes at least? I’ll take what I can get!
I just found your blog… and I love you. I thought you should know that!! You crack me up and I’ve been needing a good laugh. Thanks!
Sometimes fakes are better than the original I think. Love the idea for oats in a jar…you can really tailor it to your preferences
I love the cookie cutter ornaments, and that the girls got to be involved in making the gifts.
I hope that someday (several years down the line, mind you) that I can be as great of a mom as you appear to be!
My friend Heidi and I talk about you every day; recounting all your hilarious comments. You really know how to brighten the dullest of work days. Thanks.
fake oats in a jar – what a great idea! My new favorite thing is apples in the oats in a jar – so, so good, especially heated up for a minute with some cinnamon.
“like Tinkerbell ate some bad shellfish” – that cracked me up. I love it – and what a great gift idea!
I have seen a braless Aretha Franklin (at least I think she was braless…) up close… and WHOA! Even if she was wearing a bra. WHOA!
Love your glittery gifts
what a great post to wake up to at 6.30am on a Wednesday. you cease to make me laugh.
Is ‘lurking’ when you read the blog everyday but have never made a comment??!
I just wanted to tell you that I came across your blog a while back (thru Healthy Tipping Point) and I LOVE it!
I think you’re fakin’ hilarious!
The vegan ruben looks awesome! I made sausages and kraut this past summer but I had grilled zucchini instead of sausage and it was mighty tasty. I just may have to bust that out again since I have some leftover kraut in the fridge.
“tinkerbell ate some bad shellfish” HAHA!!!! SOOO hilarious!!
Funny stuff aside, that salad/fries fake out looks so delicious, and I am loving the cookie cutter ornaments idea. I can’t wait to impres my boyfriends sister & nieces when I bust that one out for them this weekend. THANKS!
Hehe.
I love Reuben sandwiches, and so I know I would love your Reuben salad. Brilliant Mama Pea. You know as much as I love tempeh, I’ve never tried the bacon tempeh. Really need to get on that one soon.
Good to know CD is not the only man who walks around the house without pants. Boy lives in his boxers and nothing else.
I’ve never had saurkraut (or Tempeh) so I have no clue…but your salad looks amazing!
another belly laugh from the crowds~
no fakin’ there!
xo
Very creative use of glitter. Me likes.
I have to tell you, I really love reading your blog and look forward to your posts each day-they always make me laugh and you’re a great writer! You have a beautiful family as well.
Thanks for the Reuban salad idea–they’re one of my dad’s favorite sandwiches but he needs to be eating better, so I’m definitely going to try making it for him over break
Your love for reubens surely exceeds my own, but even I’ve got a hankering for those flavors after seeing your salad! I should finally get around to trying tempeh bacon, at the very least. That’s definitely one case where I prefer the fake to the real. Oink.
the faken salad looks bomb. Your oats in a jar is so cute!
If no pants is what happens to men after they become daddies, I think we can hold off for a few more years!
Didn’t even know they made tempeh bacon. I am scared about trying plain tempeh (I seem to remember you likened it to stinky feet!), but is the bacon pretty good then?
the question would be if you’re going to fake a headache or…. other things….
Every day the girls keep looking older and older! I can’t believe how quick they are growing up! (I’m not sure why I decided to start my comment as if I were a 90 year old Gramma…)
LOVE the ornaments, so cute! And that reuben looks fantastic!
PS – I’m sorry if I said this before (i’ve been so stupid busy I can’t keep my head on straight) – got your christmas card satuday – it made my weekend! ((hugs Pea Family))
Only Mama Pea could make fakin’ look so fantastic!
I am literally going to have that same salad tonight + Brussels… those are the only ingredients I have! How do you make your tempeh bacon?
It’s actually the Lightlife brand tempeh bacon (aka Fakin’ Bacon) and it’s awesome!!!
I always want to make your carrot fries, do you put anything on them besides EVOO???
Did you really gain 70 lbs during your pregnancies?? if so, i would love to hear your weight loss story, since you are such a hott n’ fit mom now!
Hi Maggie, I don’t put anything on my carrot fries but salt! I spray the cookie sheet with cooking spray before hand, but that’s it! Hmm…maybe I will do a pregnancy post!
ohh and i love the ornaments!! SOO creative!
Those fake ornaments are such a great idea!! I’m definitely stealing that! I share the same mayo sentiments – just not right no matter what label is on it.
I love you for loving sauerkraut!!!!! End of comment.
Fake or not, what an abundance of yummmmm…..
I loved this post! Your pregnancy sounded delicious!
I can’t believe you got a meat eater to steal fakin bacon. That’s a true accomplishment!
Dear Mama Pea,
I am terribly sorry that my comments have fallen behind. The work environment+ no wi-fi at home are only slight challenges. This should not excuse my poor commenting. Again, I’m sorry.
MamaJ sent me a picture via text of your Christmas card. Her caption: “They r so cute!” My response: “Awwwwwww I LOVE them!!!” True and true.
Honestly, how do you do it all? How do you manage to create delicious food for the whole fam, take care of the healthy kidlettes, ooze love for everyone out of your pores AND look so damn fabulous all the time? Just how? You’re phenomenal.
Anyway, I hope your day is going warmly and wonderfully. I send my love and a trillion hugs.
Love,
Kale Chips
Great post! I needed the laughter. That salad of yours looks amazing.
Did you really gain 70 pounds when you were pregnant? I don’t believe you!!!
Also, love love loving the new camera. I want one so bad, your pictures are amazing! Like museum-quality hang-me-up-in-the-Smithsonian B-E-A-utiful.
Fake it till you make it
I love the ideas for the cookie cutters! So pretty!
Wow, is it better in a jar?
Also, I love the ornaments – that is such a fun and easy idea!!!
The cookie cutter ornaments are so cute! And your fake Reuben looks delicious!
Those ornaments are so pretty, especially the green heart on top! Your “fake” Reuben seems pretty legit to me and it will stay that way until I actually see a real one.. haha.
Ah man, those cookie cutter ornaments are awesome. Hope you don’t mind if I copy that idea too– much like I’m going to copy your fake Reuben salad for dinner tomorrow night. It looks and sounds quite tasty.
P.S. Thanks for the Jersey Shore reference. Nice to know I’m not the only late 20-something still hooked on reality show crap
those ornaments are wonderful.
making them as soon as i get homeee!
fakin’ it ain’t always bad.
Those ornaments are adorable.
Haha, cutest jar ever! (Except my stomach would never be able to be satisfied with just that amount!)
Let me also just say that your camera has taken your pictures to a whole new level. It’s like eye-candy meets mouth-watering. Major Yum?!
HAha… first off I have to say that Jersey shore comment almost made me pee my pants..
2nd – Hi…
I’m new to your blog, and am loving it so far!!
#3- GREAT ornaments… they are sooo pretty!!
Your fake OIAJ look so delish!
Ok, so even though I’m allegedly a grown adult without any kiddos, I definitely plan to make some of those ornaments next year for my coworker gifts! Especially since I can think about Tinkerbell puke from bad shellfish instead of a glitter disaster. Way more fun that way. Love it!
Hey, you finally made the Reuben! Awesome!! I’m so glad it was delicious
I’m just catching up on all your postings from the last week or two–love all the arts and crafts 
xoxo