I come from a really competitive family.   We would play basketball in our driveway until it got too dark to see the ball, until the neighbors got mad at the late-night dribbling or until someone would come inside crying.  I’d say 90 out of 100 times, that someone was me.  The other 10 were someone who just looks like me.

But it didn’t stop with basketball.  I don’t like to talk about it much, but something very ugly happened during a game of RISK when I was in the 8th grade.

I will never allow that game into my house as long as I live.   You want to play Truth or Dare, girls, go for it, but an educational game about geography?  You’d have better luck getting me to buy you a Ouiji board and a fifth of Jack Daniels.

As a result, I think I go overboard in trying to teach my girls about the pride in winning, but the humility in losing.  Today was full of good teaching moments.

Winner: While still in our pjs (which could technically be any time between 7 a.m. and noon), we found two winning packages on our front porch.

Truvia from Alli‘s giveaway,

and enough cookies, chocolates, dried fruits, mints and other goodies from Newman’s Own Organics to feed an army of plastic soldiers trying to gain world domination:

Loser: I had to explain to Gigi that though we may really want a Newman O, Hermit and ABC Cookies for breakfast, this was perhaps not the healthiest choice for 9 a.m.

Winner: The girls played a little Chutes and Ladders while I got ready this morning.

Loser: Gigi began taunting Lulu with her win.  I explained that having fun was the most important thing, to which Gigi replied, “Well, I sure hope Lulu always has fun…when I WIN!!!!”

Winner: Lulu held still long enough for me to trim her bangs.

Loser: I sadly realized I had turned her into a toddler Lloyd Christmas.

Winner: I managed to make a decent looking lunch out of the outrageously depleted produce drawer, including a salad of kale massaged with lemon juice, salt and stevia, celery, meatless meatballs, almonds and hummus, and my last two carrots made into fries.

Loser: Kale and celery is the saddest salad I may have ever made.  It’s like a Nikki Hilton skinny jass salad when I’m used to a Kim Kardashian Hugh Jass Salad.

Winner: The girls and I did some puzzles this afternoon.

Loser: Lulu started ripping the pieces apart before we could finish it.  I said, “Do you need to go to the naughty corner?” and Lulu turned this loss into a win by saying, “YES!” and proceeded to put herself in the naughty corner…

…and sprung herself after a few minutes.

Winner: Daddy had the chance to meet one of his “favorite people that he doesn’t really know” tonight in sportswriter Bill Simmons.  Bill is a former blogger who’s witty observations about sports and life in general have made him a popular ESPN columnist and best-selling author.

Being the supportive wife I am (stop laughing!),  I said the girls and I would go with him to the book signing tonight in Portland, but only if I could choose where we ate dinner.

Winner: We went to Laughing Planet!

We love this place.  There are tons of vegan and vegetarian options made with whole fresh foods,  including local organic produce, meat, dairy and meat substitutes.  They adopt as many sustainable practices as they can, short of hiring Recyclops.

And there are toys.

Again I had an eerie confrontation with a very familiar looking toy.

I wish my boobs really looked like that.  I’d definitely be willing to upgrade to those perky plastics.

We also enjoyed some artwork that made it feel just like home.

I had the Fu Manchu, which is described as “romaine, leaf lettuce and spinach mix, asian veggies (bok choy, pea pods, nappa cabbage, carrots, celery,bamboo shoots, green onions), slivered toasted almonds, sprinkle of fried shallots and tossed in a sweet and sour sesame dressing.”  I added organic tofu to mine.

Loser: Though the salad was really tasty, I’m just so used to eating such gigantic salads that this $8 plate hardly made a dent in my hunger.  I was thankfully distracted by my lovely friend Susan who joined us, but not so thankfully distracted by my children running around like I’d let them chug Pixie Sticks and Mountain Dew Big Gulps the whole car trip up.

They finally got exiled to a table of their own.

Much better, even if Gigi is using my cashmere scarf as a bib.

Winner: We made it to the book signing and got in line to see Chris’s man crush.  There were literally hundreds of 30-something guys, all geeked up, holding their books and waiting for a glimpse.

It felt weirdly like being one of the only girls not on stage in a strip club (not that I would have ANY idea what that is like).  They were handing out wristbands for different time slots and I feared we would be here for hours, but then Simmons emerged to a roar of applause and announced that anyone with young kids could just come to the front of the line ASAP.

We didn’t hesitate.

Loser: Perhaps I’m just bitter because I have heard more about this man than I have heard about Jesus from our pastor at church, but it felt a lot like meeting “the other woman” and saying, “This is who you left me for?”  Granted our encounter was short, but it was obvious Simmons had been drinking and wanted to get us in and out as soon as possible.

Winner: Daddy was overjoyed.  He thanked the girls for coming along and offered to take them out for ice cream.  I offered to lend the girls to anyone in line for $50, but Daddy dragged me out of the bookstore before I could start collecting the cash.   I was irked that Daddy thanked the girls, and not my uterus.  After vocalizing my discontent, I got a trip to Trader Joe’s out of it.

Loser: I was so hungry, I ate a pound of baby carrots on the way home.

Let’s just call this one a tie.